Re:Zero – Starting Life in Another World. Volume. 6.
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‘Chapter 5:- FROM ZERO.’
Sub-chapter 1.
Amid the white world, everything vanished.
He couldn’t tell if his flesh had dissolved, if it had been smashed to pieces, or if it would remain as an ice sculpture for all eternity. No matter how terrible the end of the body he had left behind, it was all the same to him now.
There was only one thing he understood with clarity.
Over the course of repeating, repeating, repeating, he’d seen things end cruelly, with the situation growing worse with each repetition, and now, having destroyed with his own hands that which he most wanted to protect, he finally realized it.
—No one expected anything of Subaru Natsuki. Not even him.
No matter how many times he experienced it, he’d never get used to the feeling of the senses he had lost suddenly come rushing back.
He no longer felt frozen to the core, or even cold at all, and he could tell that white world into which he had sunk deeper and deeper was gone.
In the blink of an eye, all his dulled senses became clear, and every last thing was just as it had once been.
Blood flowed through the limbs that had known so much pain. The agony of his nerves being immersed in ice was no more. The cold stabbing his skin had been peeled away, replaced by dazzling rays that could give him a sunburn.
“—”
“—!”
“—aa.”
Sounds from hustle and bustle to the left and right intermingled as his dead sense of hearing returned with a vengeance.
Blocking out the meaningless noise, Subaru checked the condition of his body. His frozen limbs, his injured spine, and his internal organs that had been turned to sherbet were all functioning without any problems.
Everything was back as it should be. Subaru felt relief that the body lost to him was under his control again. And what brought Subaru more tranquility than anything was…
“Why are you staring into space like that, Subaru?”
Behind the counter, Rem tilted her head slightly, gazing at him with concern.
He had been abandoned by everything and everyone, had an implacable sense of powerlessness drilled into him, had despaired at the loss and disappointment at what his own actions had wrought, and after dying like a helpless dog, he had returned.
“—Rem.”
“Yes, it is me, your Rem… What might be the matter?”
Rem responded to the call of his voice, slipping away from behind the counter and heading out of the shop. Subaru was rooted to the spot as Rem walked right in front of him, reaching out with her hand and touching him on the cheek. Her brows knit in worry, revealing a tinge of gloom on her noble face.
“I am sorry for not noticing. The crowd has worn you out, yes? I am a failure as a maid to have forgotten my most important duty of all.”
“Tired. Yeah, that’s right… I am.”
As Rem’s hand rested on his cheek, he slowly lifted up his hand, pressing it down upon hers. The touch between them made Rem raise her eyebrows in surprise, but Subaru’s haggard voice and expression left her at a loss for words.
Rem looked like she was trying to say something, but Subaru didn’t even look at her; instead, he felt Rem’s firm, solid presence against his hand—as if clinging to that warmth to keep it from running away.
“I guess all that…falling and getting worn down…was exhausting…”
Yet in spite of all that, the Rem he had surely lost was right there with him at that very moment, so…
“Subaru?”
Subaru resolved that, if nothing else, he would never let go of the girl right before his eyes.
Sub-chapter 2.
He ran rapidly through the crowd, heading down a gently descending slope. He scowled from the dust kicked up by a passing dragon carriage, but Subaru’s gaze was aimed straight in front of him.
He knew where he was going. His running feet were sure.
When he thought back, Subaru had harbored nothing but uncertainty during those repeated days: uncertainty about what he should be like, about what lay in Emilia’s heart, about whether his existence held any purpose, about whether he could bring out the best of all possible futures, all amid a vortex of madness. He was an unsure man lost in an uncertain, foreign world.
But Subaru, unable to make a single manly step in one direction throughout, advanced with clarity of purpose he had never before known.
Finally, he’d come to understand.
Now that he’d arrived at that answer, the repeated days had not been in vain.
Backed into a mental and physical corner, Subaru truly realized for the first time what he could do, what he must do.
“—ru!”
His uncertainty lifted, his gaze was trained squarely on his objective, his legs powerfully thudding along the earth. His body was light. Relieved of the pressure on his heart, Subaru wasn’t afraid of anything anymore.
“Please, Subaru, listen to me!”
Pulling his arm forward, he could see the main street at the end of the downward slope. Even in the royal capital, it boasted the greatest width, continuing all the way to the main gate through the stout walls that surrounded the capital.
Everyone entering or leaving the royal capital had to pass through that gate. With the announcement of the royal selection, the main street was even busier with people coming and going; at that very moment, it was bustling with the numerous people along it.
He cut past the shadow of a building. Abruptly, sun rays slid into his field of vision. Subaru used a hand to shield his eyes from the bright light as he raised his face up, looking at the symbols carved into the gate that read, LUGUNICA, THE ROYAL CAPITAL.
One more step, and she and Subaru would be—
“Subaru!”
Having brought him all that way, his feet stopped when he felt a sharp tug on his arm. The unanticipated resistance made Subaru look back. As Rem stood still, her eyes wavered with bewilderment.
When Rem freed her hand from his grasp, she seemed to shrink as she pleaded with him.
“What’s wrong? What has happened? If you do not explain, I…”
Hearing those words, Subaru accepted that it was right for Rem to harbor misgivings. In her eyes, Subaru’s transformation had to look sudden, even unthinkable. It was natural for her to be angry with him for dragging her by the arm all that way without an explanation.
“Ahh, my bad. I was in a bit of a hurry. I have a lot of things to think about. Sorry for cutting corners on explaining.”
“It troubles me, you know. Even I understand you have many things on your mind, Subaru, but you must speak to me about them… Though I do not mind you being assertive.”
Rem put both hands to her very slightly reddened cheeks as she let out a sigh of relief. Perhaps she had sensed from the tone of Subaru’s voice that he had regained his composure and concluded that she’d made too much of his odd behavior over the last little while.
I see. Observing Rem’s relief, Subaru thought his own lack of consideration was even more pathetic. No doubt Rem, who only knew the Subaru of before, thought that his transformation in the seconds after Return by Death was nothing short of dramatic. The experiences of several days changed Subaru in the span of a single second.
Furthermore, on that day, in his own way, Subaru was busy trying to avert his eyes from the gloom in his own heart. He’d put on a disgraceful show at the royal selection conference, had been beaten half to death by Julius at the parade grounds, had created a fatal chasm between himself and Emilia and, having been left behind in the royal capital, had lost the purpose for his existence.
He’d been idly spending his time at the Crusch residence, sinking deeper into the doldrums as he asked himself what he could do, what he needed to do, without finding any answers. It couldn’t be called anything short of ridiculous. Subaru very much thought that now.
From Rem’s point of view, that uncertainty in Subaru had vanished in a literal blink of an eye. If you couldn’t call that a thunderclap out of the blue, what could you call it?
“Sorry for making you worry. I’m all right now. I feel like you’ve had to see me all pathetic and bent out of shape, but I understand finally.”
“No, to me, time spent thinking about you is time well spent… You understand finally?”
Subaru was speaking with unclouded eyes. There was a liveliness to Rem’s voice as she replied. She couldn’t hide her reserved delight at being able to converse with Subaru like that again.
Then Subaru smiled shyly and nodded at the question Rem raised.
“I really do feel more than a little sorry for the trouble I caused everyone running around and worrying like that, but I finally know how to put everything in order. Well, no, now that I think about it, I saw it from the start, and people mentioned it to me, too… I’m just bad at giving up.”
“I think that is a marvelous thing about you, Subaru…”
Subaru smiled weakly at Rem’s soft-spoken reply. Then he looked up at the sky. Its height and breadth gently made his chest feel lighter.
The world had probably been looking down at Subaru in frustration all along. But with this, that oppressive time would finally come to an end.
The answer had been under his nose all along.
No matter where Subaru headed, no matter what challenges he recklessly faced, no matter how much he ran around doing stupid things, she’d followed him without a word of complaint.
Yes—
“Rem, I’ve decided.”
She stood close enough for him to reach out and touch as he looked straight into her eyes.
Her short blue hair fluttered in the wind. Her pale, clear blue eyes held only Subaru within them. Her petite figure was clad in a modified black-themed apron dress. The overly serious way she carried herself projected her nobility and steadfastness. The vivid floral hair ornament delicately added to the loveliness of her small, refined visage.
“Yes, Subaru.”
Her pink lips formed a small smile. She narrowed her eyes, the benevolence in them piercing right through Subaru. The soft echo of her voice, full of affection, enchanted him; she seemed to be hanging on to his every word.
“First, we’ll rent a dragon carriage. With the capital in such an uproar, hiring one seems to be rough, but we’ll play dirty if we have to. No intro from Anastasia, so it’s best to keep this on the up-and-up if possible.”
They needed a fast land dragon with plenty of endurance; if it was friendly on top of that, great.
They’d need to keep running. They needed to travel light, to keep running without pause, day and night.
“A dragon carriage, you say…?” Rem cocked her head slightly and echoed Subaru.
From the confusion welling in her eyes, Subaru’s rush to the conclusion meant his explanation had told her little. But he pretended not to notice Rem’s natural misgivings and pointed at the huge front gate.
“We’ll have to kill some time while we pick out a dragon carriage, so we should go buy some food during the downtime. Ah, I’m no good with old-style rations, though. Plain water’s better than those things.”
He’d actually eaten simple rations and preserved foods on field trips and the like back in his old world. The hateful memory had made Subaru brand both as “no good.”
“Ah, wait, maybe there’s some nice magical power to preserve food here…? We managed to make mayonnaise, so maybe we can experiment and find something good…”
“Er, Subaru?”
“Mm, ah, sorry. My thoughts started running in a weird direction. What’s wrong?”
Realizing he’d gone off on a tangent, Subaru righted himself and smiled kindly as he looked at Rem. That smile made Rem go briefly silent. Then she lifted her head, seemingly trying to set aside her doubts.
“Er, I’m sorry. I am a poor guesser, so I do not understand what you are trying to do, Subaru. Er, what are…?”
“Ahh! Right, my bad! Sorry, I didn’t realize at all! Er, just now I was completely caught up trying to make plans for stuff we’ve gotta do. So embarrassing!”
Subaru slapped his knee, grinning in recognition of his mistake.
“It took a whole lot of experiences for me to realize a few things, but the answer was obvious a good while ago.”
A wry smile, a truly wry smile, appeared.
He’d tasted bitterness. He’d chewed on his regrets. He’d shed tears over the absurdity and irrationality of it all. He’d been toyed with by a cruel fate. He’d been smeared with the blood of others, dying an absurd number of times.
All of it had led to a single answer, one he now keenly understood.
“Rem.”
Calling her name, Subaru slowly stretched a hand toward her. Rem watched his hand, waiting for his next words. Responding to Rem’s unspoken request, he put the feelings welling within him into words—
“Let’s run away together. As far as we can.”
His defeat at Fate’s hands was loud and clear.
Sub-chapter 3.
“…Huh?”
Rem, unable to grasp the meaning of the words spoken to her, let out only a faint gasp from her throat. Subaru, unsurprised at Rem’s reaction, shook his head and said, “We’ll leave the royal capital and head west…that, or north. I’ve heard that we can’t get into the empire down south, so it’s one of those two… I’m not good with cold, so personally, I vote for west.”
“Er, um, excuse…”
“It’ll be a long journey with no clear end, and I don’t think we’ll have an easy time just ’cause it’s a good chance to start over. Besides, in the first place, if we rent a dragon carriage, I can’t see us ever getting a chance to hand it back. What should we do about that, huh…? Maybe buy a dragon carriage instead of renting one?”
He’d left procuring dragon carriages to Rem. Subaru didn’t know if they had some rental car–like system in place. He didn’t even know where you’d buy one. He figured there had to be some means so that you couldn’t just grab one and run, but—
“P-please wait!”
Subaru was in the middle of that thought when Rem urged him to pause. She kept her palms pointed toward Subaru as a rare expression of nervousness came over her.
“Er…what do you mean by ‘run’? Subaru, from the way you are speaking right now, you sound as if you are trying to go to a different nation, one that is not Lugunica…”
Rem’s gaze wandered as if she half doubted her own words. Then her expression changed to an Ah! look as she clapped her hands together.
“Since it is you we are talking about, you have another incredible idea, don’t you? Something that will aid Lady Emilia and Master Roswaal…”
“Nothin’ of the sort, Rem.”
“Eh…?”
Rem seemed to be clinging to the best possible interpretation of the true intent behind Subaru’s words. But right in front of the girl who believed this of him, Subaru decisively repudiated that thought.
“I told you, we’ll run away. Even if I stay in the royal capital, I can’t do anything. But if I return to the mansion, that won’t change the fact that I can’t do anything—I understand that now.”
His powerlessness, his emptiness, the irrationality of the world—these weighed heavily on Subaru. No matter how hard he tried to deny it, the absurd would never leave him. But how light his heart had become, now that he had accepted it.
Now, Subaru was free of the troubles he had endured, almost as if they had never existed.
“So run away with me, Rem. Every last person’s told me that I can’t stay here. I didn’t want to accept it, so I kept on desperately denying it, but…ah, that’s right. I’m weak. No one’s ever told me, ‘I need you.’”
He thought he’d been…too full of himself.
He’d thought wrong. He’d been mistaken. He’d gotten carried away.
Having arrived in another world and, through the power to rewind fate and just the tiniest bit of good fortune, he felt like he’d saved people on two separate occasions, but he’d been wrong.
He didn’t even possess the power or feelings deserving of being saved by others.
“That’s not…!”
“No one’s said it. And I have been told, loud and clear…over and over.”
No one needs the likes of you.
The first time around, Subaru had ignored Emilia’s wishes and rushed out of the Crusch residence. He didn’t listen to Rem’s attempt to stop him, courting a massive tragedy as a result.
The second time around, he’d been unable to change one iota of the result, everyone had died again, and through fleeing from reality, he’d caused Rem to lose her life; again, no one was saved.
The third time around brought about the most despicable of all outcomes. He’d gotten even innocent merchants on the roadside involved, offered Rem up to the White Whale, and had robbed Emilia of her life with his own hands. Puck had slaughtered the Witch Cult, but if, after Subaru’s death, Puck had indeed destroyed the world as he had proclaimed, the damage was surely greater than any time that had come before.
What about the time unrelated to the power of Return by Death that could not be rewound? When the candidates had assembled at the royal palace, Subaru had dragged down Emilia in epic fashion. Merely by standing at her side, let alone speaking his impertinent words, he’d tarnished her reputation, and his “duel” to save face had resulted only in even greater humiliation. As a result, he and Emilia had had a falling out, and he had hurt her heart with his emotional arguments, which had been little more than outbursts of anger.
“…Kha-ha-ha!”
He laughed drily at the realization. Now that he thought back, it was a masterpiece. When he calmly reflected on his own actions, it was painfully clear that he’d been a pestilence.
He wanted to lend Emilia his strength?
There had to be people only he could save?
There was no doubt everyone was done for if he wasn’t there?
What thoughtlessness. What arrogance. Yes, what hubris.
Subaru’s actions had only worsened Emilia’s standing. Even so, he’d betrayed her enormously generous heart, and his foolish undertakings had only dragged Rem with him to her death.
Incredible. Just incredible. No doubt everyone knew that would be the result. That was why everyone had told Subaru, You need to behave, don’t do anything, your strength isn’t required, don’t butt in, just go away.
Those around him who had told him so knew a great deal about the future. They were very different from Subaru, who ought to have known that he could do nothing, that he understood nothing, that he was able to comprehend nothing.
Maybe they were the ones really doing things over?
“If they aren’t, I’m the only one…screwing up like this.”
It was pathetic.
There was no one lowlier, more unsalvageable, or more miserable than he.
What did you call a man who resigned himself to being laughed at by others and acted so as to make others laugh? You called him a clown. Subaru, who wasn’t even aware of the customers pointing at him and laughing, was unworthy of the title.
—He was just a simple, irredeemable fool.
“So I’ve decided to go away. That’s best. I know that’s best. If someone like me tries to do something, it’ll just add one more corpse…and if I’m not lucky, a lot more than one.”
Corpses. Corpses. Corpses. Corpses. Corpses.
Strangers. Acquaintances. People precious to him. Important people. People who believed in him. People he wanted to think believed in him— Endless corpses.
He’d had it.
Why did all those things have to happen to him? He’d suffered so much; didn’t he deserve some reward? Even Subaru knew that the idea that hard work was always rewarded, that any wish with a clear objective could come true so long as you gave it your all, was nothing but a pipe dream. But despite that, was it so wrong to have but one tiny wish—to avoid the worst of all worlds?
Subaru had been wrong. That was why the results continued to betray his expectations.
“Let’s run away, Rem. You, me…we can’t stay here in this country.”
Subaru had resolved to leave it all behind, flip the bird at everything, and run.
And having decided to put so many things behind him as he fled, he wanted to take only one with him—Rem, the girl standing before him.
He couldn’t bring himself to abandon everything in its entirety.
He was afraid of being alone. He was terrified of solitude.
Even in that vast world, that world of incomprehensible darkness, knowing that having nothing so that he would lose nothing was the right answer, Subaru couldn’t put aside his fear of being all by himself.
As the days repeated themselves, Rem had been the only one who’d stayed with Subaru. She’d been right at his side, watching his disgraceful displays, unsightly words and deeds, and off-the-wall way of living.
Subaru thought that made her worthy of one final gamble.
—Each of the three times, Subaru had let Rem die.
To keep her from dying, he couldn’t return to the mansion. Even when he had arrived at the mansion, she had heroically offered up her life along the way, in the end. Nor could he say with certainty that he could save her by keeping her at the royal capital. Even if they were spending their time in peace and quiet here, if Ram conveyed news of the crisis at the mansion, Rem would probably rush out of the city.
If it came to that, Subaru wouldn’t be able to stop her. And she would meet the same fate. He’d lose her again, and Subaru could clearly see how empty he would be without her. If he seriously wanted to save her, he had to get her out of the kingdom.
“You are saying all this so suddenly, I do not know what to do…”
Rem shook her head a little in the face of Subaru’s forceful plea. It wasn’t a gesture of rejection. Her expression projected the uncertainty that reigned inside her.
Rem couldn’t simply accept at face value what Subaru had suddenly said. He had cited far too few facts to make an informed decision.
Subaru understood the irrationality of it, but even so, he could speak no further of the circumstances. He no longer knew how much information he could divulge with the Witch’s evil hands looming.
He felt like he’d brush against the Witch’s curse no matter what he talked about. No matter what he did, he felt like it would lead to more sacrifices to the irrationalities of Fate. And if that came to pass, it wouldn’t be Subaru who would be sacrificed but people precious to him.
“—”
—It was a stalemate. He was hemmed in on all sides. Fate had shut off every avenue of escape. Therefore, Subaru had no means left to him but that plea.
He was earnestly appealing to Rem’s conscience, knowing that it was underhanded in every possible way, knowing that he was using the feelings for Subaru that Rem harbored in her heart.
“There’s no time. I’m sorry this is so sudden. Really, really I am. I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart… But please choose.”
“Choose…”
“Me or everything except for me… Please choose.”
Subaru hated the situation he’d put her in, saying all that and making her suddenly choose based on the little information he’d provided her. But it was also a fact that giving her time to calmly think it over worked against him. He couldn’t dismiss the notion that he was using the pressure of her predicament for his own benefit.
Only in this situation, giving Rem little time to decide whether to leave Subaru there or not as he pled right before her eyes, did he have a shot at winning this.
Or if not “winning,” then fulfilling a cherished desire more like hope—the selfish hope that Rem, at least, would forgive him for running away.
“Let’s get a dragon carriage and head west. Let’s leave Lugunica and go all the way west of…Kararagi, was it? Let’s buy a little house and live there, just the two of us.”
Rapid-fire, Subaru began sketching his vision of the future. It was an ordinary, tranquil future, one surely divorced from irrationality and cruelty.
“It means using the traveling funds, so I feel bad for Roswaal, but we can just borrow what we need and send the rest back. I’m gonna work hard to help set us up from the start, too… I’ve never worked at a proper job before, but it’ll probably be all right.”
He was a delinquent who had dropped out of high school with only a middle school graduation under his belt. His work experience in this world consisted of nothing but a stint as an apprentice servant. Furthermore, though he didn’t like saying it, his current work as a subordinate was little better than that of a child helping out with the chores.
It’d probably be hard doing a real job, but he’d find work, come hell or high water. Compared to pain, suffering, and death, it’d be a walk in the park.
The more Subaru thought about it, the more his future opened up. Thinking back to how he’d aimed for a single future, spending day after day courting the worst calamities no matter how hard he tried, it was a happy thing indeed.
“Even if it’s tough, if you’re there, I know I’ll try hard. Even if I’m tired, just the thought of you waiting for me with a smile when I come home…!”
Even if every last person he left behind blamed him for running away, he figured he could take it if Rem was at his side.
So please, I’m begging you, like I’ve never begged for anything before—
“Please choose me…!”
Subaru offered his hand to petition her, almost like he was trying to drag a yes out of her.
“If you pick me, I’ll give you everything I have. Every part of my life will be yours. I’ll spend my life for you. I’ll live only for you…so please.”
Even with Rem standing right in front of him, he couldn’t look at her face. He didn’t have the courage to see what kind of expression she was making. Courage didn’t suit him, not in the tiniest bit.
If he did, surely everything would have worked out differently. Cowardly, underhanded, and pathetic as he was, he had nothing left.
“Run away with me… Live with me, please…!”
At least let me keep you from dying, he earnestly pled from the bottom of his heart.
Putting all his feelings into his parched voice, Subaru felt his heart beat quickly, his breathing grow ragged. Exhaustion from the fierce mental pummeling Subaru had received struck him with fatigue, as if he’d sprinted with all his strength.
Rem made no reply.
The sounds of the crowd were distant now. It never entered his mind to wonder what other people might think of two people having a conversation like this in public.
Rem was everything to him. To Subaru, in that moment, her existence was everything to him.
Unable to endure the silence, Subaru opened his firmly closed eyes to peek at Rem’s expression as she stood before him, all the while seized by the fear that it might reveal her answer.
“—”
In silence, Rem pursed her lips, not realizing he was looking at her. Her expression struggled to remain neutral, but her brow and the corners of her eyes were faintly strained in a way she would not normally permit.
Subaru could tell that a vortex of uncertainty, bewilderment, and hesitation swirled within her. The various things Subaru had just said were greatly, powerfully, fiercely shaking her heart.
The long battle felt like an eternity. A sense of unease burned Subaru’s back. But finally, that time came to an end.
“—Subaru.”
Gently, she called his name with a voice that was full of affection.
The instant Subaru heard the tone, the echo of her voice, he was certain his hopes had been answered.
Rem had accepted Subaru. She’d forgiven Subaru for being weak. She’d embraced the human being called Subaru Natsuki and everything that came with him.
A flood of emotions welled within him. He felt like he’d finally been rewarded.
Then Subaru lifted his face—
“I cannot run away with you, Subaru.”
With a very sad face, Rem dashed his hopes.
“After all…”
“—”
“When we talk about the future, we need to smile, don’t we?”
With an expression resembling a tearful smile, Rem spoke the words that had once come from Subaru’s own mouth.
Sub-chapter 4.
He’d gambled, and he’d lost.
When Rem threw his own words back at him with a tearful smile, Subaru’s inner self was exhausted, overwhelmed by a feeling that he’d thrown everything into one match and lost.
Subaru had trusted—no, hoped—that Rem, with her strong dependence on him, just might say yes. That maybe, just maybe, even as he cast everything aside, she might choose him.
It was a fleeting dream, a conceited thought. He should have understood that from the start. If his inability to find any worth in himself was the whole reason he’d chosen to run away, what business did he have expecting that?
“Right now…I might not be smiling, but…I mean, if we actually did it I’m sure I’d be smiling… Yeah, that’s right. So, ah…”
Even though the matter had already been settled, unconvincing arguments poured out of Subaru’s mouth in an attempt to smooth things over.
He couldn’t think of an effective rebuttal to Rem’s words. But if he didn’t say something, his desires were over then and there. He might still have a chance to change her mind as long as they kept talking—though that might have been an exercise in wishful thinking.
As Subaru clung to that hope, Rem watched him, a faint smile coming over her as she murmured, “…I have…thought of it as well.”
She raised her shapely face up ever so slightly.
“After arriving in Kararagi, first we would rent a room at an inn. Though a house is the foundation for building a life, we could not be reckless with the money at our disposal. First, we would need a stable income.”
Rem lifted a finger up as she added to the image of the future Subaru had proposed earlier.
“Fortunately, I received a proper education due to Master Roswaal’s good judgment. Even in Kararagi, I believe that finding employment would be a simple matter for me. As for Subaru…you would probably need to settle for physical labor, but perhaps you could work in close proximity to me.”
With a little giggle, Rem made light of Subaru’s inability to do anything. It was no doubt an accurate assessment of Subaru’s worth, as he was still largely ignorant of the culture and technology in that world.
“Once our income is stable, we would look for a slightly better place to stay. During that time, you would need to study properly for future employment… It would take about a year before you could do real work, maybe. You can become independent even faster, but only through your own efforts, Subaru.”
With that, Rem laid out an unexpectedly brutal studying regimen.
When she had instructed him in Ram’s place, her method of teaching was gentle, but her criticisms were merciless. He might have grumbled along the way, but he was rather fond of her strictness.
“With both of us working, we could save some money… Perhaps enough to eventually buy a house. Maybe a store of some sort would be better. Kararagi is a land overflowing with commerce, so there will surely be a way to profit from your eccentric ideas, Subaru.”
With an amused clap of her hands, Rem laid out a future that sounded too good to be true.
Subaru, too, felt like he could clearly picture the scene playing out in Rem’s head. As usual, Subaru would cause her lots of trouble, and she would indulge him. Of course he would feel responsible for that, so he’d end up working hard with plenty of sweat rolling off his brow for sure.
That would be nice.
An honest living, for her sake and hers alone—how happy a life would that be?
“As our work progresses…ah, this is embarrassing, but maybe…children? As half-demon and half-human, they would most likely be very rambunctious. Boy or girl, twins or triplets, they are sure to be very cute children, too.”
Rem’s cheeks reddened as she shyly let her thoughts run a little further ahead. She counted on her fingers one by one, and just as the number reached a terrifying ten, she continued.
“It would not be all fun, and I do not think it would all go as well as I imagine. Perhaps we would have no sons and only daughters, and you might not be able to feel proud of your family.”
“…Rem.”
“But, ah, even when the children get big enough to be mean to you, I will always be on your side, Subaru. We would be famous with the locals as the always happily married couple and slowly spend our days together, growing old together…”
“…Rem!”
“Subaru, I am sorry to say this, but if possible, I would ask you to please let me pass away before you. I would like to lie upon a bed with you holding my hand, surrounded by our children and grandchildren, while I say, ‘I was happy,’ and you all would send me off—”
He couldn’t hold up his head.
The future Rem was portraying with her words was quietly, gently wounding Subaru’s heart.
“That would be a…happy, happy way to end my life.”
“If you’ve…!”
Listening to the bittersweet future Rem had refused was like having an irrepressible itch deep inside his chest that made him want to scratch himself raw. By the time Subaru finished listening, there was nothing left filling his heart but a pathetic, indescribable storm of emotion.
His throat trembled. Something heavy sank deep inside his lungs. His head hurt.
He shook his head to try and ignore the relentless heat filling the depths of his eyes.
“If you’ve…thought it through…!”
Then she could run away with Subaru as far as their feet could take them—
“Subaru, if you could smile while wishing for that future…I truly believe I could be happy after a life like that.”
But filled with a sadness that exceeded even Subaru’s, the smiling girl did not answer his plea.
Dumbfounded, Subaru stared at that small, painful smile when he finally understood. No matter how much he clung to hope, he could not get Rem to change her mind. He had truly, utterly lost the gamble, and he had no recourse.
“—”
A sense of fatigue assailed him, as if he were carrying something very heavy on his shoulders. He was so disheartened that he could collapse on the spot. Subaru barely managed to avoid doing so, covering his face with his hands as he despaired.
Rem had refused to go with him.
That meant he was out of ways to save her.
If he stayed by her side to protect her, all that awaited her upon their return to the mansion was a cruel future—an unchangeable tragedy and Fate’s pitiless dead end.
Then perhaps it would be best to leave Rem behind and run away by himself…?
If he did so, he could not escape loneliness, but he could at least flee from the despair in front of him. Of course, the fate of the people in and around the mansion would not change whether or not he was present. Subaru would simply be covering his eyes and ears, pretending not to know, spared from seeing reality for himself.
In that moment, Subaru was so desperate for something to cling to that this paltry salvation would do. But even if he accepted that himself, would there be any salvation at all? Whether Subaru was challenging his foes, fleeing into madness, or putting everything on the line, Fate had not cut him the slightest slack. What, then, could he do—?
“Subaru, that you thought of running away with me…that you thought of living your life with me…thrills me to the bottom of my heart. But it will not do.”
Even having spurned the hand Subaru had offered, Rem’s cheeks were still flush from the feelings swirling within her. She herself knew that they could flee, flee, flee and, eventually, make that fantasy a reality. She craved it. She’d stated firmly that the tale was a happy one—and yet, Rem had rejected it, because—
“I mean, if we did run away right now…I am certain that I would be leaving behind the Subaru I love most.”
“—”
What was Rem saying? He didn’t get it.
Trembling, Subaru lifted up his face and looked at her with blank eyes. Rem was giving him a small, sad smile, but even so, her eyes projected her firm sentiments. Subaru felt overwhelmed by her gaze as she continued.
“Subaru. Please tell me what has happened.”
He shook his head. He could not. If he did that, Rem would die.
“If you cannot talk about it, then please trust me. I will manage somehow.”
He shook his head. He could not. If he left it at that, Rem would die.
“…But at the very least, can we go back now? If you settle down and think about it more calmly, you might be able to find a different answer.”
He shook his head. He could not. If he waited, everyone would die.
“I’ve…worried already. I’ve thought already. I’ve suffered already… That’s why I gave up.”
No one believed Subaru.
No one expected anything from him.
If he told anyone he’d do something, they’d spoon-feed him his own foolishness.
He’d ignored that, brushed it off, seen his own many stupidities, and thus arrived at his current state. To Subaru, that time, that wear and tear on his heart, was—
“—It is easy to give up. However.”
Suddenly, Rem voiced a rebuttal to Subaru’s words of weakness.
—It is easy to give up.
The instant the words entered his ears, a jolt of comprehension rushed through Subaru’s whole body. It was as if a bolt of lightning had struck the crown of his head. Something he couldn’t put into words exploded inside his chest, and every pore of his body felt like he’d been set on fire.
“It’s easy…to give up…?”
“Subaru?”
“Don’t…tell me that…!”
Subaru clenched his teeth, rasping with resentment at a perplexed Rem.
It’s easy to give up? That’s a bad joke. You think it’s a simple thing to abandon your goal and run away empty-handed? Like hell it is…!
“There’s no way it’s easy to give up…!!”
Subaru’s throat trembled from the unbearably dark emotions exploding within him.
Surprised by Subaru’s angry outburst, Rem seemed to shrink. Even pedestrians traveling along the royal capital’s main street were wondering what was up as they shifted their eyes to the enraged Subaru.
Heedless of the offended gazes, Subaru glared only at Rem, standing before him.
“I didn’t do anything, I didn’t think of anything, I abandoned everything without a care, threw it all away just like that, and gave up—is that what you think?!”
The decision was killing him. He’d cried tears of blood and yelled enough to rip his throat apart, and still he had gained nothing. Knowing that, he had made his decision.
Giving up on everything. That was the only conclusion he could put into words, but just how many sacrifices had to be made for him to reach that conclusion? He wouldn’t let anyone diminish that.
“Giving up wasn’t easy at all…! Thinking you can fight, that you can manage somehow, that’s way easier…! But I couldn’t manage somehow! I had no choice! All the paths were blocked except for giving up…!”
Fate was mocking Subaru, for every path available to him ended in a dead end. No matter how much he fought, how much he stood tall, plotted, schemed, begged, or even ran away—
It was no longer possible for him to have it all.
Even the people he wanted to save had slapped his hand away. He was supposed to keep trying, then? Who could tell Subaru that it was too soon to give up? If someone had been through the same experience, the same suffering, the same hell, would that person be able to say such a thing?
“If I could do anything…I’d…I’d…!”
He truly wanted to do something.
To help people, to save people, to keep them from being stolen away.
But he couldn’t. The world wouldn’t let him.
Everything during those repeated days had come back around to bite him again.
That’s why Subaru had—
“Subaru.”
As Subaru hung his head, drained of emotion, his voice petering out, Rem called to him.
Subaru’s ears were ringing heavily. The pathetic revelation of his unsightly true feelings left him unable to even look her in the face.
And to that miserable, unsalvageable, hopeless man who had challenged Fate and lost, she said, “It is easy to give up.”
“—”
“However…”
Rem repeated once more the phrase that had sent Subaru into a rage just before.
Sensing something almost incomprehensible in her words, Subaru lifted his face, dumbfounded.
Why won’t she understand?
Why, after all this, couldn’t she comprehend Subaru’s anguish?
The gloom, the dissatisfaction, the wounds on what seemed like every corner inside his heart—
“—It does not suit you, Subaru.”
It all vanished as Rem stared directly into Subaru’s black eyes and spoke.
Rem stated those words as if she truly believed them, as if they represented some kind of absolute truth.
“I do not understand what painful thoughts, what knowledge is making you suffer, Subaru. I believe I cannot belittle it by saying that I understand.”
“—”
“But even so, there is one thing that even I recognize.”
“—”
“And that is, you are not someone who can give up on things before they’re done, Subaru.”
To the man lost in sorrow before her, who’d cast away everything, who had said he was giving up but a moment before, Rem said such a thing without shame, without fear, without hesitation.
“I know this.”
“—”
“When it is a future you want, you smile when you talk about it, Subaru.”
To the man who had spoken to her of running away to a world that was no doubt warm, peaceful, and tranquil, with guilt and regret on his face, Rem spoke plainly, without any disappointment.
“I know this.”
“—”
“I know that you are a man who does not give up on the future, Subaru.”
This, Rem declared to a young man hanging his head, seemingly gritting his teeth.
There was only sincerity in her eyes. They conveyed nothing but trust to him.
Subaru was overwhelmed by that powerful, intense light.
After all, Rem was wrong about him. So wrong, this was a veritable farce.
Her statements valued the human being called Subaru far too highly.
He didn’t know how proud and noble the Subaru in her eyes must have been. But the real Subaru was nothing so fine a person as that.
Spouting weakness, crushed from adversity, lamenting his own smallness and pathetic misery, defeated and beaten so hard that he was running away—that was Subaru Natsuki.
“You’re wro… I’m not that kind of person… I’m…”
“I am not mistaken. Lady Emilia, Sister, Master Roswaal, Miss Beatrice, and everyone else… I know you have not given up on them, Subaru.”
She refuted him in a strong tone.
But she was wrong. He’d thrown away all of them.
“I gave up. I gave up! I can’t take them with me…my hands are too small, everything falls out of them, then I have nothing left…!”
“No, that is not so. Subaru, you are—”
Just how far, how far, would Rem go in denying that Subaru had given up?
Why, after he had suffered such humiliation, did she so deny that he was in the wrong? Just what did she see in Subaru?
It was so disturbing that he couldn’t take it anymore.
—Just what is it you’re trying to say?
“—What! Do you! Think you know about me?!”
He vented the flames smoldering inside his chest in an incandescent rage. Subaru shouted angrily, slamming a fist into the wall right beside him. With a hard sound, his knuckles broke; when he waved his fist around, blood splattered onto the wall.
“This is all I am! I have high hopes even though I’m powerless; I have all these dreams even though I’m dumb; I keep trying even though I can’t do anything…!”
Everyone had at least one thing they could do right. And everyone pushed that one thing as far as they could to find a place suited to them.
—But Subaru Natsuki didn’t even have that.
The lofty heights he yearned for were far above his station.
“I…! I hate myself!!”
Faced with the truth that he’d smiled frivolously in an attempt to hide, making light of things as he kept running from them, never facing them seriously—for the first time, Subaru admitted what he really felt.
More than anyone, Subaru Natsuki hated himself.
“I’m always nothing but talk! I’m full of myself even though I can’t do anything! I’m worse than useless, but I’m still a world-class complainer! Who the hell do I think I am?! How dare I live such a shameful life this long?! Right?!”
Because he was unable to raise himself higher, he’d tried to bring others down. Because he wouldn’t admit he was inferior to others, he tried to find fault in everyone else to protect his banal, paper-thin pride.
“I’m empty. I’ve got nothing inside me. Of course I am… Yeah, it’s obvious. There’s no question! Until I came here, until I met all of you, do you know what I was doing?!”
Before he’d fallen into another world.
What was he doing in his former world except living out his idle, boring, ordinary, unchanging days one at a time—?
“—I…wasn’t doing anything.”
He’d wallowed in idleness, slumbered in indolence, spent his days far removed from studying and effort. It wasn’t that he’d given up on himself but rather, he’d held on to the convenient idea that if the time came, he could just roll up his sleeves and do it.
“I didn’t do anything… I didn’t do one little thing! With all that time to do it! With all that freedom! I should have done lots of stuff, but I didn’t do any of it! And this is the result! The result is the man I am now!”
If he’d properly used the time he had, even Subaru would surely have achieved something. But in reality, he had grandly squandered and wasted the time allotted to him, and as a result, he had gained nothing, and nothing had come from it.
That was why, now that he actually wanted from the bottom of his heart to accomplish something, he lacked the strength, intelligence, and skill to achieve any of it.
“I’m powerless, talentless, and all of it, all of it, is because of my rotten personality…! I want to achieve something when I haven’t done anything before—conceited doesn’t even begin to describe it… I was lazy and imposed on other people; I wasted my whole life away; I killed you.”
He was unsalvageable. He was hopeless.
Even if he’d redone it all from birth, he’d probably go down the exact same path, waste his time in the exact same way, arrive there with the same feelings, and experience the same regrets. His rotten personality wouldn’t change. A shallow human nature was the only one suited to the human being called Subaru Natsuki. That fact would never change.
“That’s right, my personality hasn’t… I thought I could live here, but not a single thing’s changed about me. That old man saw right through me, didn’t he?”
When he’d remained in the royal capital, Wilhelm had instructed him in the sword at the Crusch residence. Watching Subaru be knocked down time and time again, all beat up while challenging him over and over, the old man had nonetheless seen through it all.
During those days of training, the old man had spoken of those who wield the sword, but he had shaken his head and said, “There is little point lecturing someone about what it takes to become stronger when he has already abandoned the choice to do so.”
At the time, Subaru hadn’t understood what Wilhelm was saying, so he’d denied the old man’s words—even though he knew deep down exactly what they meant.
“It’s not like I really thought I’d get stronger or I’d be able to do anything… I just went through the motions…I was just a poser trying to justify myself…”
Emilia had abandoned him after he’d put on a more miserable display than any other at the royal selection site. Unable to bear being viewed as such by those around him, he tried to protect himself by adopting the mantle of a “hard worker” where those gazes could see. His behavior was the simple product of his search for a suitable excuse.
I’m changing myself. He should have known that the thought was itself proof that nothing had changed.
“I wanted to say, I couldn’t help it! I wanted other people to say it couldn’t be helped! That’s all it was! That’s the only reason I pretended to put myself on the line like that! Even when you were helping me study, I was just putting on a show to cover up the embarrassment! I’m a small, underhanded, filthy guy down to the bone, always worrying about what other people think of me, and none of that’s ever changed…!”
His bluffs had been stripped away, and the hubris underneath had crumbled.
Once his thin shell was shattered, his vainglorious heart, not wanting to be thought of badly by others, and his ego, asserting that he wasn’t wrong, poured out.
“…Even I knew. I understood all of it was my fault, really.”
If he could yell that it was somebody else’s fault, that there was some reason for it, it was easier. He wouldn’t need to look at who he truly was. If he kept his facade intact, he’d never have to look at what was on the inside.
He wouldn’t have to look at his ugly self. He wouldn’t have others see it.
Though he was weak, selfish, and all talk, he wished to be loved nonetheless.
“I’m the worst… I—I hate me.”
Subaru was short of breath after venting all the gloomy darkness tearing him up inside.
He’d let himself have it with all the filthy, corrupt things in him since coming to that other world—no, those dark things had been in him long before in his old world.
His nature as a human made even him want to puke.
Even though he’d spewed it all out, the deep feelings in his chest only soured further. Weren’t you supposed to feel a little better after you vented something pent up inside?
On top of not feeling the slightest bit better, he realized with crystal clarity just how foolish he was. The shame seething inside him made him want to die then and there. And his weakness in exposing so much filth, thinking of nothing beyond his own concerns, was the stupidest thing of all.
With Rem standing right there, still believing in him, Subaru had tried to sully and stain the beautiful picture in front of her sparkling eyes, exposing it as a fraud. And now, after all that, he was more concerned with his own standing than with her.
That was it in a nutshell.
Truly accepting and recognizing the corrupt, flawed parts of himself that he hated didn’t mean things were going to instantly improve. If anything, the depth and darkness of the chasm within him underlined just how incorrigible he was, robbing him even of his will to live.
The true character of Subaru Natsuki did not merit pity.
As Subaru sank to the lowest depths of his filthy ego, still, the blue-haired girl—
“I know this.”
“—”
“I know that Subaru is someone with the courage to reach out, even with impenetrable darkness all around him.”
—Even then, Rem would not forsake him.
Sub-chapter 5.
Her absolute love, her inviolate trust, chafed upon Subaru like nothing before.
Having berated himself so much, having divulged so much of the ugliness in his heart, having confessed that he was a complete fraud, an unsalvageable piece of garbage—
—Why did she look at Subaru with such affectionate eyes?
“I love it when you stroke my head, Subaru. I feel connected to you when your hand passes through my hair.”
With Subaru fallen into silence, Rem began to express something unexpected in a soft, quiet voice.
“I love your voice, Subaru. I feel my heart getting warmer from every single word. I love your eyes, Subaru. They’re usually quite sharp, but I like how they become soft when you’re being kind to someone.”
Subaru said nothing as Rem continued, showering him with her words.
“I love your fingers, Subaru. They’re very pretty for a boy’s, but when they hold my hand, I always think to myself, ‘They really are a boy’s fingers.’ They are slender and strong. I love how you walk, Subaru. When someone is beside you, you always check once in a while to make sure you really are side by side. I love that you walk that way.”
His heart was screaming.
While Rem wove those words, Subaru’s chest cried out.
“…Stop it.”
“I love your face when you sleep, Subaru. You’re as defenseless as a baby. Your eyelashes are just a little bit long. Your cheeks are so gentle when I touch them, and even if I touch your lips to tease you, you don’t notice… I love it so much that it makes my chest hurt.”
“Why…?”
Why was she still talking?
Why was she still able to toss out such compliments at Subaru, the useless fool that he was?
“You said that you hated yourself, Subaru, so I wanted you to know that you have so much good in you.”
“None of that is real…!”
Rem was looking at a convenient illusion.
The real Subaru wasn’t that kind of person. The real him was filthier than that. His genuine self was ugly, the exact opposite of the one she viewed so favorably.
“You just don’t understand! I know more about myself than anyone else!”
“You only know about you, Subaru! How much do you know about the Subaru I see?!”
Reflexively, Subaru raised his voice, but Rem’s shout was even louder than his own.
Subaru was shocked. It was the first time she’d raised her voice since they’d arrived here.
The shock made his breath catch in his throat. At long last, he realized that Rem’s eyes, dutifully maintaining their neutral expression, had large teardrops welling in them.
Of course hearing Subaru’s confession had hurt her.
Of course listening to his extreme masochism had brought pain to her kind heart.
Yet even so, she believed in Subaru.
Rem knew all the horrible things within him that he had told her about, and she believed in Subaru despite them.
“Why do you…? So much… I’m weak, puny… I’m running away…! Even now, I’m running away just like I did before, so why…?”
Why do you believe in a pathetic, unreliable guy drowning in his weakness like me…? If I can’t believe in myself, how can you…?
“—Because you’re my hero.”
When those words of unconditional, infinite trust hit him, Subaru’s heart quietly trembled.
No matter what awful conditions piled atop one another, no matter what flaws he might have, that one sentence was infused with the hope that he would come running and chase evil away.
And far too late, finally Subaru realized it.
He was wrong. He’d thought wrong. He had been so, so wrong.
He’d thought that she, Rem, was the only one who’d allow Subaru to fall as far as he needed to, that no matter how weak, pathetic, and humiliated he was, she’d forgive him—and he’d made a mistake.
It had been an error, a lethal degree of foolishness.
—Rem was the one, the only one, who would never allow Subaru to give in.
Everyone had told Subaru that he didn’t have to do anything, that he should just behave himself. They had said that they expected nothing from him and that his actions were futile.
—But it was Rem who would not permit Subaru to be weak.
She was the only one who’d kept saying, Stand up. Don’t give up. Save everyone.
No one expected anything from Subaru. But she had refused to abandon him, even when he had abandoned himself; nor would she accept his giving up.
Such was the “spell” that Subaru Natsuki had cast upon her.
“In that gloomy forest, a world where I had lost myself, a world where I could only lash out without thinking, you came and saved me.”
“—”
“When I woke and was unable to move, when Sister was exhausted from having used too much magic, you stood up and faced the demon beasts as a decoy so that we could escape.”
“—”
“You had no chance of winning, and your life was truly in danger, but even so, you survived…and when you returned to my arms, you were warm.”
“—”
“When you woke up, you smiled and said the words I most wanted to hear, at the time I most wanted to hear them, and you were the person I most wanted to hear them from.”
One by one, she enumerated the “spell” that Subaru had cast upon her.
Those spells had bound her deeply kind heart with the chains called trust, and these firmly bound her until that very moment.
“On that fiery night when I lost everything except Sister, time stopped for me, never to move again.”
Rem gazed squarely at Subaru as she spoke of a fragment of her terrible past.
Her gaze was infused with intimacy that had not wavered to even the slightest degree.
“My heart had stopped, frozen in time, but you softly melted it and gently made it move again. Do you know how much you saved me in that instant, on that morning? You can’t possibly know how happy I was, Subaru.”
“That’s why,” said Rem, placing a hand on her chest as she continued.
“—I believe in you. No matter how much you might suffer, no matter how much things seem to be going against you, even if no one else in the whole world believes in you, even if you cannot believe in yourself—I believe in you, Subaru.”
As Rem spoke, she took a step forward, closing the distance.
They were close enough to touch. Subaru, hanging his head, did not move as Rem reached out with both arms, wrapping them around his neck.
Even though there was very little strength in the pull, the unresisting Subaru could not avoid her embrace.
Though Subaru was taller, Rem held his head to her chest, and he heard her voice from directly above as she said, “The Subaru who saved me is a real hero.”
From the slippery sensation on his forehead, he knew she had brushed it with her lips.
Heat spread from where she’d touched him. Incomprehensible emotions welled up deep inside Subaru’s chest.
Blood flowed through his unmoving limbs. The static filling his skull began to clear—
“No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t save anyone.”
“I’m here. The Rem you saved is right here, Subaru.”
“I’m empty. There’s nothing inside me. No one’ll listen to me.”
“I’m here. If they are Subaru’s words, I want to hear whatever they might be.”
“No one expects anything from me. No one trusts me… I…hate myself.”
“I love you, Subaru.”
The hand that touched his cheek was hot. Her eyes, gazing at Subaru from up close, were moist.
That look, everything about her, made him accept that she was truly sincere.
“You’re…fine with a guy like me…?”
He’d tried over and over, redone over and over, and he had nothing to show for it.
Everyone died. His hand never reached them. He’d let everyone die. His thoughts were inadequate. He was empty, powerless, dumb, late to act, a blockhead dragged around by his desire to protect someone.
Was he really good enough for her?
“I’m fine with you, Subaru.”
“—”
“I don’t want it to be anyone else.”
If he, who could not believe in himself, had someone who had faith in him…could Subaru Natsuki fight?
—He didn’t have to give up on fighting Fate?
“If you really are that empty, if you have nothing, if you cannot forgive yourself—let’s start over, here and now.”
“Begin wh…?”
“Just like how you made time move again for me, we can make the time that stopped for you move again, right now.”
He had taken his regret and shame at his past of achieving nothing, his days of doing nothing, his hours spent in waste and idleness, and tried to give up.
Rem smiled at this Subaru, stating:
“Let us start over from here, from step one… No, from zero!”
“—”
“If you find it difficult to walk alone, I shall support you. Let us divide the load and support each other as we walk. You said that to me on that morning, yes?”
So let’s laugh, hug each other, and talk about tomorrow, he had said.
Leaning on each other, supporting each other as they walked, he had said.
“Please show me the best in you, Subaru.”
He’d shown her nothing but the worst in him for the longest while. After all, it was Subaru himself who had cast the indelible “spell” upon her.
It was his duty to take responsibility and see it through.
“…Rem.”
“Yes?”
When he called her name, she quietly responded.
He lifted his face. He looked straight ahead. He gazed into Rem’s eyes.
Softly, gently, they awaited the reply from Subaru’s lips.
So he wanted to be the Subaru Natsuki she loved so much.
“—I…like Emilia.”
“—Yes.”
Seemingly knowing all along, Rem smiled and nodded at Subaru’s confession.
He knew full well how cruel he was being to that smile, that gentleness, as he continued, “I want to see Emilia’s smile. I want to be in her future as a help to her. Even if she told me I’m in the way, not to come back… I want to be by her side.”
Now that he’d accepted Rem’s feelings, he again voiced the feeling that remained unchanged inside him. But the way he felt it was different from before.
“The idea that she’d put up with anything from me just because I liked her…was pretty arrogant, huh?”
“—”
“Even if she doesn’t get it right now, that’s fine. Right now, I want to save Emilia. If there’s a future of pain and suffering coming for her, I want to bring her to a future where everyone can smile.”
So he offered his hand to Rem, right at his side, and asked, “Will you…help me?”
He knew it was an underhanded way to respond to the feelings she had offered to him. He knew he was using her emotions. But it was that Subaru, the Subaru who would not give up on the future of those precious to him, whom she loved.
“I can’t do anything by myself. I come up short in everything. I don’t have the confidence to just walk straight ahead. I’m so weak, fragile, and puny, so… Will you lend me a hand? Help keep me on the straight and narrow when I take a wrong turn?”
“You are a terrible person, Subaru. Right after you dump a girl, you ask such a thing?”
“Hey, it’s pretty tough for me to ask someone who turned down a once-in-a-lifetime proposal of mine, you know?”
Rem was unable to hold back a little sigh at Subaru’s weak chuckle.
They smiled at each other for a while. Then Rem straightened up, elegantly grasped the hem of her skirt, and in a display of perfect courtesy, she said, “If this will bring a future where Subaru, my hero, can smile, then I humbly accept.”
“Yeah, you just watch. You’ll have a front-row seat.”
Rem took the hand Subaru had offered as they exchanged their vows. She let out a small “Ah” as Subaru drew her close, burying her petite body in his chest. He was grateful that there existed a girl so soft, so warm, and who liked him so much.
“—The man you fell in love with is gonna be the coolest hero there ever was!”
It was hot within her breast.
As Subaru embraced Rem, she buried her face in his chest, hiding her expression.
Her breathing was hot. Her forehead and cheeks were hot as she rubbed them against him.
But the tears flowing from her eyes were probably the hottest of all.
—Even then, Subaru could not like himself. He still hated himself.
But a girl had told Subaru she liked him.
If there was a girl who could like him, just as he was…
—Emilia was watching. Rem was watching. He could not yield.
“—”
The tale of Subaru Natsuki would begin anew.
His life in another world would start over.
—From zero.
◇◇◇
Diamond. Diamond. Diamond.
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