Re:Zero – Starting Life in Another World. Volume. 13.
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‘Chapter 3:- STRAIGHT BET.’
Sub-chapter 1.
Subaru’s breathing leaped, and he felt like gloating as he received shocked stares from both of them.
The two people inside the room, Roswaal and Ram, were a pair that Subaru never expected to see with surprise on their faces. As if to project that sentiment, Subaru twisted his lips, a wicked smile coming over him.
“—Bet?”
Recovering from his initial shock, Roswaal narrowed his differently colored eyes.
Roswaal, having his bandages changed atop the bed, gave off a visual impression that was slightly different than normal. The reason was that the makeup on his face, the makeup he always wore, was off, leaving his bare face exposed.
The flesh under the white makeup was pale, making the look in his eyes feel gentle rather than sharp, which gave Subaru the polar opposite impression from the usual. Still, he was quite handsome whether he did anything to his looks or not.
“Yes, a bet. I’m challenging you to a big, serious match…with what you and I want on the line.”
“Wait, Barusu.”
Subaru raised a finger, boldly making his statement to Roswaal. Roswaal narrowed his brows as he pondered the proposal, but Ram interposed herself between them.
Ram shielded Roswaal behind her, sustaining Subaru’s gaze with a reproachful look in her eyes.
“What do you think you are doing, suddenly forcing your way into the room and spouting random things? Do you intend to burden Master Roswaal during his bed rest? This is too rude, even for you.”
“You know as well as I do that he’s not the kind of guy to just sit and wait to get better. Besides, the situation doesn’t allow it. This problem is everybody’s problem, so I’m gonna be a little pushy and reckless.”
“Barusu—”
“No matter what anybody says, I don’t have any reason to stop.”
When Ram exuded a dangerous aura that was mixed with obvious irritation, Subaru thrust a palm straight at her. Then, anticipating just where her actions might lead, he tilted his head and called to Roswaal, sitting behind her.
“What about you, Roswaal? You’re not gonna sulk about your schedule going a little out of whack, now are you? Do you have the guts to push yourself a little for the sake of your successor?”
“…What a roundabout and deeeeply interesting turn of phrase. For the sake of my successor, you say?”
Without directly touching upon the truth of Return by Death, Subaru made his proposal to Roswaal in a deviously indirect manner. Its contents brought a suspicious look over Ram, but Subaru’s intent definitely got through to Roswaal.
His face still ghastly and pale, Roswaal slowly sat up higher.
“Ram, wait by my…no, for a brief time, could you leave young Subaru and I alone?”
“…Are you certain?”
“Do not worry; there is no concern that Subaru might cause harm to me. He is not here for payback, but for a quite diiiifferent matter, yes?”
“Well, even if I was here for that, I wouldn’t be able to do a thing. You’d just nail me back. Pathetic, but yeah, don’t worry, ’kay?”
Waving both his empty hands, he asserted to an anxious Ram that he had no hostile intentions. Not that this was the slightest bit convincing, but Ram let a sigh trickle out, then bowed to Roswaal.
“Please do not overly exert yourself. —And Barusu, please do nothing rude.”
“Man, you’re really only worried I’m gonna start something. Worry about him starting something, would ya?”
Exchanging these words as Ram headed for the room’s exit, Subaru slumped his shoulders as Ram snorted. Then, after the door was closed, there were but two people, Subaru and Roswaal, remaining in the room.
It had been just a few, scant hours since his heart was thoroughly broken, and yet, Subaru found himself in the same situation once again.
“I had not thought you and I would meet again face-to-face in this lifetime, and so quickly at that…did something happen to alter your state of mind?”
“Alter my state of mind…well, you’re not wrong. My shame was exposed, I got lectured a ton, I traded blows of friendship…nah, the punching was too one-sided to spin it like that.”
Recalling how Otto had pummeled him, Subaru smiled wryly over his complete defeat.
But it was a good loss. Over and over, Subaru had lost a variety of battles since arriving in this world, but never had defeat tasted so sweet.
“A most cheerful face… It was only last night that you became aware of your own lack of commitment, yet you seem to have put your thoughts in order. I grandly congratulate you for your swift return.”
“When it comes to the meaning of grand, you’ve got me beat, the thickness of your face included… You know, borrowing someone’s hand to get back on your feet ain’t so bad. Especially if it’s a friend’s.”
Upon receiving Subaru’s reply, Roswaal slowly shook his head. Despair rested within his eyes; his expression crestfallen, obvious pity projected by his demeanor, Roswaal sighed deeply.
“So soft. So weak, and so very young… Ultimately, you can only solve the suffering in this world by yourself. Relying on a friend is a foolish plan, betraying only your own weakness.”
“Depending on people, connections, feelings…what, that’s no good?”
“No goooood at all.”
“That so. —Then there’s no way to settle this except a bet.”
With that one sentence, Roswaal’s expression changed. Subaru took a step forward toward the center of the room. He walked closer to the bed, closing the distance between him and Roswaal, and thrust a finger toward him once more.
“Just like I said, let’s make a bet. The chips are what we want most, and there’ll only be one wager.”
“…I shall hear you out, at the very leaaaast.”
Rather than dismissing the proposal as out of hand, Roswaal prodded Subaru to continue speaking. Having vaulted over the initial hurdle, Subaru exhaled, turning his finger toward the heavens as he formally stated his preconditions.
“What you and I want are on parallel lines. After yesterday, I’m sure of that. I want to save everything. You can’t forgive me for that. —Am I right?”
“Yes, you are indeed. Nor can you forgive me. However, you cannot distance yourself from me, either.”
“…You got me there. If we lose you, Emilia can’t fight going forward. I hate to say it, but you have the power here, no matter what you’re scheming, no matter how bad you and I get along.”
“And? Knowing that much, what is it you wish to do? With your naive reliance on others, you are incapable of resolving the situation. Compromise or honing—there are no other paths before us.”
“If it was just me, I’m sure you’d be right.”
Faced with Roswaal’s words, Subaru bluntly acknowledged the weakness of his own heart. Even if he stubbornly persisted, clinging to Return by Death, at some point, he would surely be worn down, just as Roswaal was saying.
Certainly, if it was Subaru alone, still relying on no one, clutching his knees and cowering, then…
—But that was no longer the case. Because it wasn’t, he could lift up his head.
“Roswaal, let’s have one final showdown between you and me, here and now. —This time around, I will save the Sanctuary and the mansion. I’ll blow away each and every one of your schemes.”
“You say you will recover somehow from this dire position? And that you will relinquish your one and only Authority?”
“…Redoing and telling you about it are two separate things. I had that ground into me. We got too conceited, you and me both. My thing…isn’t convenient like that.”
In the second Trial, Subaru saw scenes from worlds where he had chosen poorly. The more Subaru faced death, the more such tragedies unfolded; this was no way to find salvation.
Besides, the search for salvation was the curse that haunted Subaru’s and Roswaal’s hearts.
“And you will confine your final chance to this life, hereafter doing as the Sanctuary…no, as I fondly desire?”
“Yeah, that’s what it amounts to. I’m sick and tired of feeling each other out like this. I’m making this the last time.”
“And what guarantee do I have that you will uphold your word?”
Roswaal sought confirmation regarding Subaru’s assertion as if it was the natural thing to do.
“Given your Authority, you could surely make it so that the instant you said ‘final’ never happened. You are free to rescind anything inconvenient to you. The validity of a promise from such a person is rather…”
“—Roswaal.”
With Roswaal concerned Subaru might go back on his word, Subaru quietly called out his name. His words stopping the moment he heard that voice, Roswaal widened his eyes as he found Subaru’s gaze trained upon him.
Then, without changing his tone of voice, Subaru continued.
“Do you think I’d do that?”
“”
“If you think I would, we have nothing to discuss. I’ll end this conversation here.”
He declared it strongly, strong enough that many opponents would break off the discussion in a fit.
Such words from Subaru made Roswaal close his eyes; from there, he lightly raised both his hands.
“…In proposing to make this time your last, what is it you seek from me?”
“—What I want is pretty simple. If I do manage to resolve the situation my way, that’ll mean a result different from what you want, right? If that happens, this unwanted development would make you lose your will to live and your drive to do certain things… I want you to set that aside.”
“Aside, you say? To not lose my drive, you say? Yet, I cannot help but call that a most difficult thing to achieve. After all, it is a matter of the heart. Of course, it is possible to engage in pretense on the surface, but…”
“Not really, Roswaal. It’s not like you and I are always going to be wrestling with each other.”
“…Hmm?”
With a doubtful look on his face, Roswaal was voicing dissatisfaction with the terms Subaru proposed. Seeing that Roswaal clearly did not understand, Subaru rubbed his own nose with a finger as he spoke:
“I know if I win, it’d lead to an unwanted development for you. But for the sake of my future, and for the sake of putting Emilia on the throne, you need to keep on staying close by. There’ll probably be times when she’ll have to rely on the power only I have. Setting aside the issue of priorities, I’ll still be working toward your goal in the end.”
“”
“Roswaal, my demand is simple. If I can save both the Sanctuary and the mansion…throw the book aside and join us. I’ll make Emilia King. And I need your power to make it happen.”
“What foolishness.”
When Subaru extended his hand and spoke those words, Roswaal’s reply was brief, practically spitting out the words.
It sounded less like scorn than rejection and bewilderment.
“Your proposal is twisted, even for you. You will engage in your own methods, yet you will forgive me, whose thoughts are incompatible with yours? My actions are exceedingly wicked. Surely, those who I have sacrificed would hate me and curse me for what I have already done. Are you not at the very toooop of that list?”
“If the issue is forgiving you or not, there’s no way in hell I’m forgiving you. What you’ve done to me, to me and to Emilia, isn’t something that can be forgiven. —But that’s an issue of my heart.”
There was no way he could fail to hate the man. Many of the hardships Subaru had suffered were crafted and set into motion by Roswaal, courtesy of the poison fangs he had meticulously prepared. That venom had wounded Subaru in mind and body both, even robbing him of his life, making him taste despair many times over. But—
“—You won’t be kicking up anything fatal like that again. Not if I resolve things, see?”
“Even if I cease to commit such crimes, wicked deeds are wicked deeds. Surely, this is not so convenient a tale?”
“Me, I just love convenient tales. Emilia’s gonna work hard and become King, and I’ll live happily ever after right by her side, so get on the bandwagon, damn it. Let me make clear: I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“”
When Subaru closed one eye, winking as he spoke those words, Roswaal was literally agape.
From there, Roswaal’s silence continued for a while, until finally, he covered his face with his own hands.
“Succeeding in your goals, while letting go of nothing? On top of that, taking in even me, a man with thoughts irreconcilable with yours, and counting me as one of the cornerstones upon which to build your future? Do you even understand, Subaru?”
“Do I even understand, what?”
“To just what extent your answer is infused with greed.”
Roswaal’s words made Subaru’s expression shift…not into surprise, but a smile of remembrance.
Just prior to leaving the castle of dreams, Echidna had told him the exact same thing.
Witch and devil alike had identically appraised his greed. —And that was just fine with him.
“You’re the one who said it, Roswaal.”
His smile of remembrance became twisted as Subaru Natsuki responded with a wicked look.
“Backing me into a corner will make me the strongest card of all. —It won’t be the way you wanted it, but I’ll be the strongest card you can play against your enemies. Still not satisfied?”
“…And if this strongest card is ineffective…?”
“I won’t have any more hands to play. Your victory will be complete. I’ll be your minion or anything you want.”
If Roswaal won, his scheme would be fulfilled. This time, the terms proposed sent Roswaal into prolonged, silent thought.
Subaru quietly waited for him to voice his reply. And then—
“No matter how much you struggle, you cannot hope to achieve a breakthrough. Lady Emilia cannot overcome the obstacle before her, and the barrier will not be unraveled. The Sanctuary will be buried in snow, and the mansion will sink into a tragic spectacle of blood.”
“Yeah. —It’ll be worth it to see how you react when I screw all that up.”
Subaru raised his middle finger in a fit of annoyance. The gesture made Roswaal sigh, whereupon he lifted a finger of his own.
“Just as you will run around attempting to fulfill your victory conditions, I shall give one more push to fulfill that which is written within my book of knowledge. You have no complaints, I trust?”
“Well, can I take that to mean you’re going along with my proposal?”
“As you say, it is not a bad thing to do something for my successor… Nor do I lack interest in whether the results will be in accordance with what is wriiiitten.”
In a world already contradicting the book, Roswaal was declaring he would act according to its contents even so.
Before all was said and done, Subaru had to wreck Roswaal’s plans, saving everything and everyone.
“Now that this is decided, time is precious. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll get started.”
“Subaru.”
As Subaru turned his back on the bed, seemingly about to leave the room, Roswaal called out to him. When Subaru looked again at him, Roswaal averted his gaze ever so slightly.
“The snow in the Sanctuary, and the attack on the mansion, will occur in three days. —I expect a valiant battle from you, and an ignominious defeat.”
“Say what you want.”
Roswaal’s mundane sarcasm made Subaru click his tongue and come back with a retort. Then, Subaru pinched his own cheek a little.
“Roswaal, you’re throwing me off my game here. Get that clown makeup back on, would ya?”
“Hmm. Come to mention it…this is the first time you have seen my bare face, is it not?”
“I suppose in this world, it is.”
Once, in a world long left behind, they had entered the bath together. Subaru made a pained smile as he recalled the sight from back then that Roswaal knew nothing of.
“This is a bout between you and I, two clowns toyed with by fate. —Let’s do this fair and square.”
Leaving behind only those words, Subaru left the room.
They had come to terms on a wager over their incompatible desires. —And so, it began.
This was the start of Subaru Natsuki’s final challenge, to liberate the Sanctuary and save the mansion.
Sub-chapter 2.
“—Barusu, you look like you are engaged in wicked deeds with your friend. What happened?”
Having formed a promise over the wager, Subaru was just leaving the building when a voice came from behind.
The bitter comment was all he needed to identify the speaker. When he turned back from the building’s entrance, Ram was leaning against the wall to the side of the door, hugging her own elbows as she stared intently at him.
“Stop talking about wicked deeds and stuff. That makes me sound super shady. You’ll scare people.”
“It aptly describes two little men quietly plotting about this and that, does it not? Master Roswaal permitted it so I did not interfere, but you should know your place.”
“…Sorry, Big Sis, but I’m not facing an opponent I can beat with halfhearted moves on the game board.”
As Subaru shrugged his shoulders, his reply made Ram narrow her eyes in a sour mood.
“You have done it several times, but please cease addressing me as Big Sis. Ram does not recall becoming Barusu’s elder sister. It is repulsive.”
“Saying repulsive is overkill, geez… Well, it’s like a bad habit. Forgive me, ’kay?”
“How self-serving of you. Why should Ram forgive such a…”
Right as she was about to strongly admonish him, Ram’s words came to a halt. This was probably because she noticed the deep, forlorn look in Subaru’s eyes. —It was not on purpose that Subaru called her Big Sis. He unthinkingly sought out her kindness.
In his moments of weakness, he leaned on Ram…because Ram let him.
“…I have no interest in your strange hobbies, Barusu.”
Just as planned, Ram accepted Subaru’s words as a joke without pursuing the issue further.
“I shall return to my initial question, then. —What is this conspiracy you are up to?”
“You really don’t beat around the bush, do you? You shouldn’t have been listening to me and Roswaal talking anyway…”
“Certainly, I was not listening. But I do have the means to peek.”
“…Clairvoyance, huh?”
When Ram pointed to her own eyes, Subaru remembered that she possessed the power of Clairvoyance. That ability allowed her to synchronize with another person’s eyes, pilfering their vision for her own—it was through this power that Ram had learned of the pair’s wager.
“You’re a serious housemaid to the core, but those poor manners are gonna make your master hate you.”
“It is the cute selfishness of a uniquely faithful spirit and a wavering maiden’s heart. Overlook it, please.”
Her statement was truly brazen in how it placed her on a pedestal, but Subaru hardened his cheeks. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to continue this fruitless conversation with her. He forced down such personal greed.
“Right now, is Roswaal accepting that cute maiden’s heart and faithful spirit?”
“”
When Subaru posed his question, it was clear that Ram’s emotionless expression had grown frostier. The edge of her pink gaze grew sharper still, but Subaru boldly took a step forward, closing the physical and psychological distance between them.
“You’re the one taking care of his needs. You’ve seen his black book, haven’t you?”
“If I told you, what would you do with the answer?”
“I’m taking that as a yes, okay?”
Subaru interpreted her demeanor as a clear attempt to evade a direct reply—meaning Ram knew of the book of knowledge. Indeed, Ram had not denied Subaru’s assertion.
Ram knew of the book of knowledge. It was unclear whether her eyes had perused its pages, but…
“What’s written in that book decides whether Roswaal takes a left turn or right. But letting him do as it says is no good. All hell will break loose in the Sanctuary. And if that happens, everyone’ll…”
“Do you think speaking such words will move Ram’s heart? If so, how shallow you are, Barusu.”
When Subaru tried redoubling his words with an explanation, Ram crisply and sternly cut him off. The light in her eyes did not waver, not even as Subaru suggested Roswaal’s actions would lead to a dead end.
“To Ram, there is only one thing that can be placed above all else. This is absolute. It will never waver. Therefore, if it is your hope to change Ram’s heart, please stop.”
“…There’s no such thing as absolutes, Ram.”
“Watch what you speak. —I shall not warn you again.”
When Ram took Subaru’s suppressed words as mocking her loyalty, her voice grew barbed. But Subaru’s denial was not about Ram’s feelings toward Roswaal.
It was directed at Ram herself, who had forgotten her other half, the most important thing to her in life. It was toward her using the word absolute.
“Barusu. —Do you really…expect something out of Lady Emilia?”
That was why, while turned toward a door, Ram continuing the conversation over her shoulder was truly unexpected.
Her emotions remained hidden as Ram tossed the question Subaru’s way. He immediately realized this was revenge—having questioned Ram about her loyalty, she was now questioning his own.
“Yeah, I do. I trust her. She asked me to support her and everything.”
Subaru replied to Ram’s question honestly and without reserve.
Even while respecting Emilia choice to challenge the Trial herself, he’d schemed to push the matter away several times over. However, this was not because he viewed it as impossible for her and had given up.
He’d never questioned whether she could overcome it, not even once. Subaru had arbitrarily judged that time did not permit it, and nothing more.
“…Lady Emilia being unable to overcome the Trial is through no fault of her own.”
“Ram?”
“There is a reason she stumbles without knowing why herself. Being unaware of this, she merely repeats herself, to no avail.”
Without touching upon Subaru’s proverbial question mark, Ram said only this before opening the door.
Before her petite physique vanished into the building’s interior, Subaru instantly opened his mouth.
“Ram, the situation’s already contradicting what the book says. —Roswaal is free.”
He didn’t think of it as returning the favor for her words of advice. But he put the words on his lips all the same.
The events had already strayed from what was written in the book of knowledge, and the world proceeded apace toward a new future. It was yet to be determined whether this was linked to tragedy, with all laid to ruin, or to breaking through fate itself—
“”
When Ram receded from sight, closing the door behind her, Subaru let out a sigh. In the end, Ram’s position had not changed, nor had she spoken of things beyond her personal opinion.
“But she gave a lot more advice than I expected. Maybe she likes me, too…”
“—Are you still speaking such things? I believe the person concerned would be quite angry if she overheard you…”
“This Feel-the-Love Campaign is still ongoing. Go ahead and give me more good news to celebrate if you’d like.”
As Subaru shot the breeze, Otto, with leaves stuck to his hat, emerged from the shadow of a nearby tree, which he had been hiding behind. The sight made it hard for Subaru to deny Ram’s assertion he was engaging in “wicked deeds.”
“Hiding ’cause you’re scared of Ram? She won’t bite. She’s not as scary as she looks.”
“I think that would also make her angry if she overheard it…! …At the moment, Ram is cooperating with the Marquis, so that makes us enemies of a sort, yes? It’s only natural to be wary of her.”
“Ram, an enemy?”
Subaru was fairly surprised when Otto made that assertion with eyes of reproach. In return, Otto gave him a questioning look, leaving Subaru agape at his own self.
Otto’s thinking was certainly correct. Given her position, Ram was on the opposing side. He should have thought of it in those terms from the beginning. Though he knew she couldn’t be counted on as an ally, he’d still arbitrarily assumed she was a neutral party in this contest of wills.
“Haa… Mr. Natsuki, I understand just how much you have trusted Miss Ram in the past. There are also your feelings for Miss Rem remaining back at the mansion, to be sure.”
“Just lay off for a second, all right? I’m still reeling from how naive I’ve been.”
“That is fine and well. Self-awareness is important. —But more importantly, what of the Marquis?”
Having finished with his opening jabs, Otto cut straight to the point. Subaru twisted his cheeks as he jutted a thumb straight up.
“Negotiations were a success. The bet’s been made.”
“I am relieved to hear it. Well, I certainly thought he would go along, but tripping up here would have made all the plans for what follows come to naught.”
“You’re quite an optimist…it was plenty possible Roswaal wouldn’t go for it, right?”
“Very little, really. —The Marquis appears to lack experience with losing.”
As Otto sank his shoulders, Subaru went “Aha,” accepting his view.
Certainly, just as Otto supposed, Roswaal seemed strong in a fight. He was cunning, and he had guts, too. In fact, 80 percent or so of the crises Subaru had been placed in were schemes of Roswaal’s devising.
“A human being who schemes that much will not back down, for if he did, it would be none other than himself who he betrays. There is also the fact that it would seem like weakness…”
“Ohh, somehow, you feel really dependable… You haven’t died by any chance, have you?”
“I am quite alive! Besides, please stop flattering me. When I let compliments go to my head, I am bound to trip up somewhere soon. I speak from vast experience.”
“Not that I’m one to talk, but that’s some sad experience…”
Both of them lost often enough that they could not relax, even if the circumstances seemed to be running smoothly.
Either way, Otto had made his own proposals, which had set the stage for the showdown with Roswaal. Of course, in the end, this succeeded only in creating the preliminary conditions, but—
“—At least I avoided having to play this game all by my lonesome.”
“For the moment…however, this is still only the first game board. And we must discuss the next…”
No temporary sense of accomplishment arose in Otto as he immediately switched over to the next issue at hand. At this point, Subaru crossed his arms and donned a grim face. The creases of his brow displayed his inner discord. The cause was—
“…Garfiel, huh?”
Otto led the conversation toward a single answer—namely, the conclusion that Garfiel’s cooperation was necessary and irreplaceable for breaking free of the Sanctuary.
To date, Subaru and Garfiel had borne enmity toward each other several times; at times, this descended into killing. Subaru could not forget how his fangs and claws ripped the people dear to him to shreds. Naturally, he had not forgotten his anger, either.
“Certainly, he is a moody opponent, but in the present situation, he is the easiest to bring onto our side. His position is different from that of the Marquis, whose views are absolutely irreconcilable with yours. Surely, you understand this, Mr. Natsuki?”
The explanation came from none other than Otto, who had been a murder victim himself once. Subaru nodded solemnly.
If Subaru ignored his own reluctance, it wasn’t impossible to fight alongside Garfiel. Indeed, Subaru had cooperated with him twice already.
The first was against the Witch, and the second was to confront Roswaal. Both had resulted in tragedy, but…
“So the only problem is how I feel, isn’t it…”
“Well then, please forget about that here and now and let us speak of it no more.”
“Forget and speak of it no more…man, that’s easy for you to say.”
Subaru was less angry than taken aback at how bluntly Otto had put it. However, he said “Now see here?” as he thrust a reproachful finger forward.
“Mr. Natsuki, we have no time for this. There is no time to worry about such sentiment. As we speak, time is steadily passing us by. It is the same as merchandise growing stale. Before irrevocable damage is incurred, we must set aside our personal feelings. They are unproductive, unproductive!”
“I—I get it, I get it… Really, you’re a lifesaver.”
To Otto, who was urging him to use all of his head rather than part of it, Subaru let the last part of his sentence trickle out in a small voice.
He needed to cut off his emotions and deal with the top priorities. In terms of cutting things away, Otto’s demand differed little from Roswaal’s. And yet, it felt like a world of difference to him.
“Guess whether it’s looking forward, backward, or sideways, the speaker makes a big difference…”
“We have no time for idle banter. That is not your job, Mr. Natsuki.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Against Garfiel, the key would be the Witch’s advice that he was afraid of the outside world.
He hated relying on Echidna, but in this current situation, he couldn’t let himself get hung up on that. If he wasn’t going to depend on Return by Death, he needed to use anything he could, be it a cat’s paw or the words of a Witch with a foul personality.
“I will do as we planned. As for Emilia…”
“That’s the one thing I won’t let you stick your hand into. I suppose I can’t exactly stick mine in, either.”
Subaru was unsure whether he should have nodded his head or shaken it from side to side in response to Otto’s worry.
Having lost his qualifications, Subaru could not aid with the Trial. The tomb’s barrier could only be undone by Emilia challenging the Trial. At the very least, if he only could find a clue…
Even though he knew that clue was to be found in Emilia’s past, a past she feared, filled with excessive grief—
“I still haven’t asked Emilia about it. In the end, I guess I chickened out.”
Unable to watch Emilia shed tears after she was crushed by the Trial, he had not confirmed anything beyond that. He’d danced around the issue…it was the price of having a weak, loving, tender heart.
“Because I didn’t have the courage to stare straight at her scars, I gave her a pat on the head to console her and pretended to not notice. How many times do I have to repeat that before I learn…”
“My goodness. I have to question your love if you can’t even handle this much. Please stop playing innocent all the time. It is quite ridiculous.”
“…Why, you…”
Subaru twisted his lips over Otto’s rush of words, making light of the somewhat embarrassing exchange. Sighing deeply at his reaction, Otto lightly stretched on the spot.
“Well then, have you resolved to treat Lady Emilia’s wounds?”
“Resolved to ask if it’s okay for me to, at least. Unlike with Garfiel, I’m not afraid it’s gonna get me killed.”
“I am somewhat torn whether it is all right to laugh about that.”
If he carelessly picked at Garfiel’s wounds and earned his ire, that would simply put him mortal danger. Compared with that, he had no concerns about asking Emilia, save a fear of being intrusive.
What spurred him to do so was Ram’s words of advice: that Emilia stumbled without even realizing why.
“So for that, too, it all comes down to my Emilia…huh?”
“She is not yours yet, Mr. Natsuki. I suppose that is me telling you in Lady Emilia’s stead?”
“Oh, shaddap.”
Glossing over his worries with a frivolous tongue, Subaru turned a clenched fist in Otto’s way. Seeing this, Otto scratched his head, then answered in kind, meeting Subaru’s fist with his.
“Anyway, we gotta do this. Let’s have one hell of a party when everything’s settled. Don’t screw up, man.”
“Indeed. For the sake of not just yours, but my own sparkling future, I’d certainly like it if everything goes nicely.”
“Don’t talk about stuff like your own sparkling future. You’re worrying me.”
“Just what do you mean by that?!”
After wrapping up their exchange, the two bumped their fists together and turned away from each other.
Otto had his role to play and Subaru had his. With this in mind, he took the first step toward fulfilling his role and headed for the forest—his feet hastening to the place hidden within.
Sub-chapter 3.
—When he placed the crystal into the white wall, the dazzling light gushing forth filled his vision.
“…Even when you know it’s coming, it’s still a surprise.”
Covering his face with an arm, Subaru commented idly as he waited for the blue light to abate. Then he timidly lowered his arm, looked at the brightly lit wall, and was relieved to find what he had sought.
“The fact the wall opened up means that even if I’m stripped of the challenger status, I still haven’t been expelled from the Apostles. Is this Echidna’s scheming or a simple oversight…? I’ll bet Otto’s soul that it’s just an oversight.”
Speaking such words, Subaru used the crystal as a key to a hidden room—and stepped into the Ryuzu Meyer replication facility, which was hidden deep in the forest of the Sanctuary.
Inside, Subaru eyes found a giant crystal and the girl sealed within it. Arriving to find the sight utterly unchanged from before, this served as proof that Subaru’s status remained similarly unchanged.
This was one method for Subaru to confirm his status as an Apostle of Greed. He had paid this place a visit with that exact intent. Besides, coming here meant that—
“I can meet the people involved, too. But the smell here is just awful. Wouldn’t it be better to clean this out?”
“—I am of the same opinion, but it is a measure to prevent insects and small animals from approaching. If you wish to complain, I would prefer you lodged it with its wily designer.”
“Nah, I’ll pass. I don’t want to meet her ever again if I can help it.”
With this, Subaru trained a pained smile toward the figure who had appeared at the entrance to the hidden room. It was a girl with long, pink hair—Ryuzu, an individual with an elderly air about her. Walking over, the girl stood beside Subaru, gazing up due to their height difference as she peered into his black eyes. The air felt parched as she squinted at him with her round eyes.
“Now then, from the fact that you are here and the statement just now…it would appear you are already rather well versed concerning us?”
“It’s pretty much what you suspect. I already have a general idea about that…and the purpose of this place.”
“I see. I had wondered if that might be the case when you went into the tomb to bring out Lady Emilia last night…there is now no question that you are a qualified Apostle.”
Ryuzu was surprised by Subaru’s reply but immediately nodded in acceptance. Somehow, she had a tired expression on her face; the look in her eyes was rich in deep sentiment.
“So it is you, Young Su, who Young Ros was waiting for…”
“Ah, sorry. That plotline’s been scrapped. The editors said the readers don’t want to see that.”
“—Huh?”
“Also, I want to confirm something about what you said just now. Somethin’ really important.”
The way he ignored her solemn discovery with a lighthearted demeanor took Ryuzu aback. But while she was still reeling, Subaru placed a hand on her shoulder, earnestly meeting her eye to eye.
“Ryuzu, how much do you know about Roswaal’s thinking?”
“Young Su…?”
“Tell me, Ryuzu. I don’t want to think of you as an enemy.”
Staying in place, Subaru bowed his head as he pleaded to Ryuzu. His intensity brought a conflicted look over Ryuzu. Finally, the corners of her eyebrows fell.
“If you wish to ask, you need only exercise your rights as an Apostle and ask away. I am sure that at your age, you must love being able to do with a girl as you please, Young Su.”
“I might be a young man, but your outward appearance is outside my suitable age range, Ryuzu. Besides—”
“Besides?”
“I don’t want to rely on command rights to talk to a replica. I came to talk to you, Ryuzu.”
Subaru’s words made Ryuzu’s breath catch. Her somewhat long ears trembled in surprise.
If all he cared about were results, Subaru should have brandished his rights as an Apostle right then and there. But if he treated Ryuzu as a replica—a doll—Subaru felt he would end up damaging something important to him.
—As long as there was life, a future, hope, possibilities. Yes, that was what Roswaal had said.
Subaru didn’t think he was mistaken about that. But that was all. Roswaal was not correct, either. The proper path surely rested elsewhere.
That was why Subaru wanted to speak to Ryuzu the proper way.
“…All I know is that Young Ros inherited a book from Her Lady the Witch.”
Perhaps his sentiments had gotten through, for the surprise in Ryuzu’s eyes faded as she haltingly began to speak.
“Surely, one part of what is written within the book is to administer the Sanctuary. This, and all else, is for the sake of greeting the awaited one…yes, it was a previous generation of Roswaals from which I heard this.”
“That’s it, huh?”
“I swear, that is all. Or do you wish to question whether it is true or false as an Apostle?”
“…I’m gonna pass. I trust you, Ryuzu.”
Perhaps it was more precise to say he wanted to believe her.
Drawing in her chin, seemingly satisfied by Subaru’s reply, Ryuzu looked at the hand resting on her shoulder.
“I must say, though, this is quite passionate of you. It makes even my heart beat a little faster.”
“That’s painting a problematic picture, but still, this is a big help. I mean, Ryuzu, if even you turned out to be a devil, I would’ve been this close to ordering you as an Apostle to go sink into a smelter or something…”
“You are a boy who likes saying very scary things with that childish face of yours, aren’t you…?”
When Subaru removed his hand from her shoulder, Ryuzu tut-tutted as she slapped her hip. It felt like an act of consideration to brush the stifling atmosphere aside. Going along with it, Subaru let his cheeks slacken.
And then, having finished checking up on the initial scare, Ryuzu inclined her head.
“Now, from the look of things, this is no trifling matter. Young Su, are you in some kind of argument with Young Ros?”
“It sounds more impressive to call it a match than an argument. The results will be better for everyone if I win, so I wanted you to cooperate with me, too, Ryuzu…”
“Young men resort to posturing so quickly… So what kind of dispute is it?”
“The easiest way to put it is: What’s the best way to liberate the Sanctuary, I guess?”
So far as their relationship with Ryuzu and the others was concerned, the conflict between Subaru and Roswaal began and ended with that. Both wanted the barrier lifted; the only difference was in how to bring that about.
Subaru pinned his hopes on Emilia; Roswaal pinned his hopes on Subaru.
“And I know that while you support liberating the Sanctuary on the surface, you’re actually part of the opposition. And that Garfiel holds the same opinion.”
Finally, Subaru cut to the heart of the matter, which he hadn’t had a chance to directly confirm to date.
Previously, he had heard from Ram that not all residents of the Sanctuary supported its liberation. Some residents were part of a faction that wanted to remain.
Subaru was already confident that Ryuzu and Garfiel formed the vanguard of this remain faction and were the ones wielding the most influence within it.
Once before during that loop, Subaru proposed that he liberate the Sanctuary on his own. But the proposal courted Ryuzu’s ire and resulted in Garfiel crushing his plans by force. It could mean only one thing: Neither of the two desired the liberation of the Sanctuary.
“I understand how you feel. I don’t intend to stand here and say heading outside is the absolute right thing to do. I understand the feeling of not wanting to change your environment. But…”
Opening a path to the outside created change, like it or not. It was instinctual to disdain this and seek to protect the present status quo, which was familiar. He didn’t want to force that sentiment down. However—
“But it’ll inevitably bring misfortune, and that’s something I can’t let happen. This once, it’s necessary, by hook or by crook.”
In the near future, disaster would strike the Sanctuary. When that time came, the only thing remaining would be death. To avert this catastrophe, the barrier had to be lifted.
He needed to liberate this place. But the decisions did not end there.
“If it comes down to it, you can make a choice then and there. Whether one stays or goes can be left up to each person. But I won’t let you keep the door locked. On that, I won’t budge.”
“Young Su.”
“I don’t want to resort to it, but I will if I have no choice. So please don’t make me. Let’s settle this by talking to each other.”
He didn’t want to depend on his right of compulsion as an Apostle or anything like that. That was why he desperately wanted to settle things through dialogue.
“That’s why…er, um, Ryuzu?”
When he raised his resolve-imbued face, Subaru furrowed his brows, perplexed. In front of Subaru, contrary to his expectations, Ryuzu listened to his words with what felt like a very conflicted look.
Then, her face still conflicted, Ryuzu audibly cleared her throat.
“Ahem. I am sorry to interrupt when you are being so heartfelt…but where did you hear that I oppose liberating the Sanctuary?”
“—Somewhere that’s not quite here. You don’t need to hide it.”
“Don’t go spouting something vague like Young Garand give me a serious reply. Where did you hear such idle gossip?”
“Idle gossip…er, um, I heard it myself, with my very own ears…”
Faced with Ryuzu’s souring demeanor, Subaru’s voice gradually lost its strength. After that, Subaru gulped, his eyes faintly avoiding Ryuzu’s gaze.
“…Ryuzu, don’t tell me you’re actually not opposed to liberating the Sanctuary?”
“As far as whether to lift the barrier, I have no intention of obstructing its removal. Just as you said, Young Su, whether one stays or goes should be an individual choice…that is what I believe.”
“The hell?! That’s crazy!”
This unanticipated comeback sent Subaru reeling. He had come here with the intention of persuading Ryuzu, who apparently held Garfiel’s reins. And that was supposed to put him one step closer to dealing with Garfiel, the lynchpin to all his plans. Her reply had shaken those plans to the core. —No, disrupting those plans was far from the only issue.
“Then, that time, why did you…? I was sure I was being imprisoned so that I couldn’t liberate the Sanctuary. If I’m wrong, what was that all about?”
Clutching his head in confusion, Subaru desperately tried to make sense of all the inconsistencies. Ryuzu, watching Subaru with narrowed eyes, let out a delicate sigh.
“This is all quite a jumble… But I cannot dismiss your doubts as pure delusion.”
“Ryuzu? Do you have any idea what…?”
“Before that, Young Su, I wish to ask you something.”
Interrupting the hasty Subaru’s flustered thoughts, Ryuzu’s serene eyes seemed sincere as she spoke.
What is she going to ask me? thought Subaru, blinking his eyes in surprise as Ryuzu hesitated ever so slightly.
“…Young Su, what do you think of Young Gar?”
The question came out of the blue, but Subaru immediately understood the reason for her unease.
“Ahh, I see…that figures, huh.”
Subaru’s acceptance of what was natural became a sigh that trickled out from his lips.
It wasn’t complicated. Ryuzu was worried about Garfiel. From their conversation to this point, anyone could tell that there was antagonism between Subaru and Garfiel.
That would no doubt have an impact on relationships after the Sanctuary was liberated. To Ryuzu, it was unmistakably a major issue that went well beyond her personal affairs. That was why—
“To be honest, I don’t have a good impression of him. At this point, he’s my closest potential enemy.”
Thinking that hiding it was futile, Subaru offered Ryuzu a crisp answer. His reply made Ryuzu lower her eyes. “I see…” was her faint response.
However, seeing with that sunken expression, Subaru continued, “But.
“By closest potential enemy, I mean that he’s the one I’ll clash with first. Once that’s taken care of, I won’t know if we can get along well or not until everything’s said and done.”
“Ah…”
“To figure that out, among other things, I’d want to learn more about him, see…”
Scratching his cheek, Subaru resigned himself to coming off as someone spinning a convenient tale. But these were not words he had chosen because they sounded good; they expressed Subaru’s true views.
Just like Roswaal, he didn’t harbor a good impression of Garfiel. But he’d confirmed for himself Garfiel did not have a wicked heart on Roswaal’s level, leaving Subaru with no reason to make an enemy of him.
“…You are good at pulling the wool over your elders, Young Su.”
“Ryuzu, you’re seriously trying my reputation in the neighborhood, aren’t you?”
Ryuzu shook her head with a muted smile. Then, taking a step forward, she placed a hand on the blue crystal before her—the object that touched her very own roots.
“It seems you heard about us from our mistress the Witch…that we are replicas of Ryuzu Meyer…or perhaps, the objective for which the replicas were created.”
“…I know that it was an experiment in immortality, and you and the others are the products of that experiment.”
Strictly speaking, it was not Echidna, but Ryuzu herself from whom he heard the explanation on a previous lap. That briefing included how the Sanctuary containing Echidna’s tomb was a laboratory for her search for immortality, that Ryuzu was an example of its success, and that the replicas’ roles were to serve as vessels in which to pour a soul.
Also, that even among the replicas in that place, Ryuzu held a special, individual role.
“I am one of the original four. Even now, I watch over the magic crystal as more replicas continue to be born. I bear the duties of administrator and overseer. The four of us were to bear these duties in sequence.”
“I heard the part about being one of the first four. So besides you, Ryuzu, there’s three other people?”
“Four…people, is it. It is likely inappropriate to count us, born by unnatural means, as people…”
“I don’t want to treat you, who’s currently living a full life as a loli hag, like some doll. Don’t try to convince me otherwise, okay? The other three people…wait.”
Breaking off his words there, Subaru licked his dry lips once.
Instantly, a sense of déjà vu arose. Something stood out in his memories. Subaru carefully selected his words for the question that needed to be asked.
—On a previous time going through the loop, Ryuzu herself had made a request to him.
Her role had been assigned. They sought individuality in all other things: in tastes, in hobbies, and in names. Therefore, what he needed to ask at that point was—
“My name is Subaru Natsuki… Ryuzu, what’s your name?”
“”
Ryuzu narrowed her eyes at the question, looking like she was gazing at something that dazzled bright.
“My name…is Ryuzu Arma. I am…one of the first four replicas.”
“—Arma.”
As Ryuzu gave her personal name, Subaru repeated it, closing his eyes. He nodded but once.
“The Ryuzu I first met named herself Ryuzu Bilma, I’m pretty sure. Meaning you didn’t have any intention of hiding it at the start, did you, Ryuzu?”
When he asked for her name, she answered. —For hiding it meant repudiating the very individuality she had gained.
Finally, Subaru understood, too. The four Ryuzus, the overseers of the Sanctuary, shared their role with one another. The four had been pretending to be a single person.
“But why go through all that trouble? Couldn’t you have just acted like quadruplets?”
“Our replica bodies are not of flesh and blood, but false Odo shrouded in mana. Mana depletes according to how active the body is. It is insufficient for even a full day’s worth of activity.”
“I see, it’s just like with spirits! So to make sure your job doesn’t go unfilled during the time you can’t materialize, a substitute Ryuzu does the job for you!”
Subaru snapped his fingers; it all made sense. But he did think it was an awkward way to live.
Ryuzu’s role of overseer was being performed by multiple people. One could also say that four people’s lives were chained to that single role. That was—
“—That is a matter for the ones in question to take on. To interfere in that would be an act of arrogance, Young Su.”
“…I get that. I won’t say a word if you don’t have a problem with it, Ryuzu. But.”
“But?”
“If you don’t accept it, please tell me. Then I’ll have Roswaal put you four girls…or maybe it should be dozens of sisters…on a family register, even if I have to smack him.”
If the replicas of Ryuzu Meyer, numbering over twenty, who existed in the Sanctuary intended to search for a life beyond that of a replica, Subaru wanted to help.
“Young Su…mm-hmm, you are a good child.”
The term family register probably didn’t get across, but Subaru’s intent must have been conveyed nonetheless.
Ryuzu smiled, her eyes filled with the same affection as if gazing at a baby. This was doubtlessly the glimmer of individuality that Ryuzu Arma had gained over the lengthy passage of time.
“…Ahem. Anyway I get it. I get it, so let’s get back to the original discussion.”
“You may blush all you like. That said, it is I who began this discussion… The four originals fulfilling the role of overseer, myself included, shared the same intent. Had we not, we would have been unable to act as if we were a single person. However, this only remained true until ten years ago.”
“Ten years ago?”
“Ryuzu Shima. —She who has strayed from the original four, and the one and only exception to this rule.”
She named the person that ought to have shouldered the same role as her.
Ryuzu Shima—the one from the original four who had strayed from her duty as overseer. Subaru remembered hearing her name. The first one he had met was Bilma; the one before his eyes was Arma. And—
“I shall uphold my promise. I shall tell no one. —This, I swear upon the name of Ryuzu Shima.”
—On that problematic night, those final words had been the trigger for his imprisonment.
The Ryuzu who had been together with Garfiel in that place had named herself Shima. And Subaru had most likely been incarcerated by Garfiel on this Shima’s orders.
“Ryuzu…Shima…”
“Yes. The issue arose roughly ten years ago. She was relieved of her duty as an overseer and has lived in the forest like the other replicas ever since. Accordingly, it is now three people who fulfill the role of overseer.”
“What was the issue that got this Shima stripped of her duty?”
When Subaru asked about the details from ten years prior, Ryuzu hesitated. However, it only lasted a single second. Ryuzu sighed, perhaps thinking that silence came off as insincerity.
“—She defied our vow to our creator, the Witch. Accordingly, she was stripped of her duty.”
“By vow, you mean…”
“Ryuzu Shima defied the vow by entering the tomb. She went against the Witch’s command, entering the tomb to bring back Young Gar…Garfiel, who had not returned from the Trial.”
“”
Upon receiving that explanation, Subaru felt a jolt run through him as disparate pieces of information inside him were linked together.
Garfiel had challenged the Trial, only to fail and become an Apostle of Greed. Ryuzu Shima, who had brought him back, had been stripped of her duty as overseer. And multiple replicas were playing the role of Ryuzu the overseer.
So the reason Garfiel opposed liberating the Sanctuary, even resorting to force to do so, was that—
“Shima put the idea in his head? She was stripped of her duty for rescuing Garfiel from the tomb, and that became her reason for being against liberating the Sanctuary?”
“That, I know not. I have never met Shima since she was stripped of her duty. But it would not be strange for Young Gar to have…met with Shima, for they share memories in a fashion we do not.”
“Memories that you other Ryuzus…don’t have…”
“—What Young Gar saw in the Trial at the tomb was the past.”
When Ryuzu lowered her eyes and replied, Subaru went “Ah,” letting his voice trickle out like a village idiot. And he felt the hazy connection between Garfiel and Ryuzu grow stronger and more distinct.
Garfiel knew it was Shima who had saved him. And as for Garfiel’s past, what Garfiel felt toward that past, and what feelings he harbored about it up to that very moment—only Shima knew.
“Young Su, do you know of Young Gar’s family?”
“Only a bit. I know that Frederica is Garfiel’s sister through a different father, and that’s why their family names are different. Also, how only Frederica, who’s thin-blooded, left the Sanctuary ten years ago…”
After getting that far, the ten years ago time frame made Subaru open his eyes wide. What if the events of ten years prior made up the barb deeply embedded in Garfiel’s heart…?
“Don’t tell me—the past that Garfiel saw was the sight of Frederica leaving?”
“No, it is not so. Fuu…Frederica left the Sanctuary after Young Gar took the Trial. Therefore, what he saw was surely…”
After correcting Subaru’s mistaken assumption, Ryuzu trailed off at the end. It was the hesitation of a human being who had a strong suspicion. Then, after a pause of several seconds, Ryuzu voiced her thoughts aloud.
“—What that child saw was most likely when he parted with his mother.”
With a shudder, Subaru felt like something had torn into his own chest.
Leaving your mother—and in the Trial, at that—hit Subaru close to home.
“If that child of ten years ago had seen something powerful enough to leave scars upon his heart, it must be parting with his mother. I cannot think of anything it could be, save for when Young Gar and Fuu’s mother left them here.”
“Parting with his mother…and being left behind…”
When Subaru put the possible past on his lips, to be blunt, he felt a little disappointed.
It would be wrong to quite call it hope. But he’d imagined a much grander past than that.
But if Ryuzu’s guess was correct, and Garfiel separating with his mother was the barb driven into his heart…
“Him obstructing the Sanctuary’s liberation isn’t caused by negative feelings for the outside world so much as…for the mother who chose it over him…?”
“Perhaps he hates it. There is also Fuu leaving after the fact. The outside world stole his mother and his elder sister from him. Even if he wanted to go after them, there is the barrier blocking the path. He cannot bring us outside with him. Surely, the child anguished over who is more important to him…his family or us.”
“I’m sure he’s still doing it…Hey, does he actually resent or hate his mother?”
Garfiel’s anguish was one that was impossible for Subaru to understand.
Through thick and thin, Subaru’s parents had never abandoned him or given up on him.
It was because he had been so blessed that the notion gave Subaru pause.
“That child came to call himself Garfiel Tinzel. That is the family name of the child’s mother. I believe Garfiel calls himself this so that I do not forget about her.”
“So that you…don’t forget…”
Nodding at Subaru’s words, Ryuzu looked up at the crystal, narrowing her eyes. She had her own issues that were difficult to forget. She gazed at their core, seemingly thinking of Garfiel as she did so.
“He did this so that the feelings he harbors for his past are not forgotten. —Whether this is out of anger or sadness is something known only to him and Shima.”
Sub-chapter 4.
He knocked on the room’s door, waiting for several seconds. But there was no response. When he turned the knob and easily let himself in, Subaru knit his brows at the carelessness of it.
“This is a security issue. Have to tell her to properly lock up…”
He grumbled to himself as he peered into the room through the gap made by the opened door. His intent was not to peek out of inquisitiveness, but to confirm whether there was a person inside sleeping defenseless.
Fortunately, there was no one present on the bed at the back of the room. He was relieved by this, but also a bit conflicted.
“Dang, I heard she was in her room. Where is sh…”
“…Subaru?”
“Er, ah? Emilia-tan, you’re here?”
Subaru was struck by surprise to hear only a voice, with the girl herself nowhere in sight, whereupon a white hand slowly emerged from the other side of the bed. It belonged to an individual sitting on the floor there.
“What’s wrong, Emilia-tan, sitting on the floor like that? You’ll get your butt dirty.”
“Er, I was tossing and turning in my sl…sorry, that’s a lie. Really, I was having a bit of trouble sleeping.”
“That’s an odd thing to lie about. I’ll pretend I didn’t hear it…but I see.”
Hugging her knees as she sat on the floor, Emilia greeted Subaru with a guilty look on her face. The whiff of gloom upon her comely, lovely features had likely been caused by a lack of sleep and overwork, just as she had stated.
There was no mistaking the mental strain. Subaru knew, having had plenty of experience sitting alone on a sleepless night.
“Did you sleep a little after meeting me last night?”
“…Mm.”
He did not take her frail nod to mean yes, but merely as conveying that she was listening to him.
This was hardly the only loop that involved greeting the morning without having slept a wink. All-nighters caused a gradual collapse as both mind and body were worn away.
“…Sorry. Making you see me in a sorry state like this.”
“Emilia?”
“And it was only yesterday I asked you to watch me do my best, Subaru. I can’t have you seeing me weak like this, can I? It’s all right. I’m going to sleep properly until nightfall, so…”
Emilia pinched her own cheek as if to show an obviously worried Subaru that she was trying to bolster her spirits. This somehow adorable expression of resolve made Subaru spontaneously loosen his lips.
“Emilia-tan, it’s almost noon. Announcing you’re going to sleep from now until sunset…that’s sloth.”
“Ugh…somehow, the way you worded that makes me feel really weird. Subaru, you meanie.”
After Subaru’s flippant words made Emilia smile, the two proceeded to spend a few brief, relaxed moments together.
He admired Emilia’s determination and resolve. Emilia’s words from the night before had not only smashed Subaru’s conceit but also showed she, too, had courage. It was an important realization.
Emilia had said she wanted him to support her. Subaru had come to do just that.
“—Emilia. Are you willing to talk to me about…what you saw in the Trial?”
“—!”
When Subaru shattered the gentle, lingering atmosphere, cutting straight to the point, Emilia’s breath caught. Grief spread across her violet eyes. Before she could wipe it away, Subaru pressed the issue further.
“I heard from Ryuzu and the others, so I know that you see your past in the Trial. You see your hardest moments from the past…and I know that’s the reason you’re suffering.”
The only reason Subaru was passing it off as hearsay was to conceal that he had his own experience challenging the Trial. Having already lost his qualifications, talking about his encounters with Echidna would only court confusion.
Besides, in that moment, he wanted to devote all his feelings for Emilia’s benefit.
“I was happy when you told me you want me to support you. That’s why I want to help you…properly, and not just try to keep you all to myself. So I want to know what’s worrying you.”
“Subaru…”
“I won’t claim anything like talking will make it easier. But if you talk about it, we can at least worry about it together. I don’t know how dependable I’ll be, but won’t you let me fight the same enemy you are?”
He had lost the qualifications to take Emilia’s place, to fight the suffering pouring down onto her in her stead.
Therefore, Subaru hoped to come close and give Emilia a shoulder to lean on when she was tired.
“”
Perplexed, Emilia fell silent. Subaru quietly awaited her reply.
The sway of Emilia’s eyes bespoke of her profound gloom. A vortex of various agonies raged within Emilia: bewilderment, hesitation, guilt, self-loathing.
But finally, Emilia closed her eyes tight.
“Subaru…Subaru, you’ll believe me…”
Won’t you…? were the words surely to follow, but Emilia did not voice them. Her nobility would not permit the unfairness of doubting someone who was asserting his sincerity.
…The very unfairness that Subaru had once beaten into Emilia, unable to resist trying to monopolize her for himself.
“I…I think that the past I see is probably from before I slept.”
Opening her closed eyes, Emilia haltingly began to tell her tale.
…The tale of the wounds of her past, the memories she had harbored all alone that she’d kept Subaru from touching all this time.
Drawing in his breath at her confession, Subaru took Emilia’s hand into his own.
“Thank you for talking to me… This could get long, right? We should sit.”
“Mm, yeah.”
Nodding, Emilia sat upon the bed, with Subaru sitting down right beside her. When Emilia deepened her brow, seemingly unsure of what to speak of, Subaru glanced at the side of her face as he spoke:
“Hey, I don’t want to interrupt, but what do you mean ‘before you slept’?”
“…I haven’t told you about being in the ice all that time, have I, Subaru?”
“Inside the ice…wait, do you mean while frozen?”
The unexpected words made Subaru blink. For a moment, an image from the facility in the forest—the crystal in which Ryuzu Meyer was sealed—came into the back of his mind. Strictly speaking, that differed from being frozen, but the images were terribly similar. Provided that Subaru had not misunderstood…
“I was frozen in the forest for a long time. A very, very long time until Puck found me…he said I’d been sleeping within the ice.”
After a pause, Emilia’s confession established that Subaru’s striking mental image…had indeed been true.
“”
Touching the crystal at her neck in which Puck was sealed, Emilia closed her eyes. No doubt the memory of the spirit at her side when she had awoken was playing out on the back of her eyelids.
That was probably when the loving bonds of trust between Emilia and Puck had begun.
While he certainly felt envy for that, the keywords ice and forest stimulated Subaru’s memory.
“—I see, the Eternally Frozen Great Elior Forest! Come to think of it, back at the royal selection meeting…”
His memories of the opening speech conducted at the site of the royal selection returned to him.
With a great throng of people surrounding them in the royal court, Emilia had most certainly spoken of herself: that she had lived in the forest, spending a long time within it…
—And how she had lived in the frozen forest and had been called The Freezing Witch.
“Emilia, if you were in ice in the forest all that time…exactly how long were you there?”
“…My memories are really hazy. I was probably…six or seven at the time.”
“Six or seven…do elves count years the same way humans do?”
As Subaru counted on his fingers, Emilia meekly nodded.
Being frozen solid during your childhood and waking up years later was tantamount to a time slip. Emilia had probably been hurled into a new era like a distant cousin of the mythic Taro Urashima. It was only natural that the time she subsequently spent together with Puck made them just like family.
“So the memories you see in the tomb are from before you were frozen…and the forest was frozen when…?”
“Apparently, it was about a hundred years ago.”
“I see, a hundred yea…eh, a hundred years?”
As he tried to put the timeline in order, her casual reply took Subaru by surprise. Noticing his reaction, Emilia asked “What is it?” as she tilted her head.
“Er, ah, I was imagining a span of ten years, so I wondered if it was off by a digit… I mean, uh, Emilia-tan, you look like you’re the same age as I am, so I figured the time frozen was…”
“I…kept growing physically while I was inside the ice. That’s why, right after I woke up, it was like being in another person’s body, enough to make me trip and slip up all over the place…”
“A-ahh, I see. Errr, so putting everything together…”
Emilia was around seven years old when she first slept, and it had been a hundred years or so later when she awoke. In other words, Emilia’s chronological age was a hundred and seven years old at this point in time.
“So Emilia-tan, how many years has it been since Puck woke you?”
“…I think it was probably six or seven years ago…”
Emilia’s reply was not very precise, but the response convinced Subaru that his doubts were true.
She was a hundred and seven years old after emerging from the ice. From there, she had lived seven years, making her a hundred and fourteen.
—Emilia was a hundred and fourteen years old, eighteen years old going by outward appearance, and mentally, fourteen years of age.
“R-real age, apparent age, and mental age…they’re all disconnected.”
The elven blood Emilia had inherited made her age a vague concept in ways not normally possible. At the same time, it resolved many doubts Subaru had about Emilia’s behavior.
For someone who had lived for over a century, she was fairly ignorant of worldly affairs, often used phrases and gestures that stood out as childish, and from time to time, she liked using words that seemed oddly archaic.
All of these things could be attributed to the fact that Emilia had spent most of her life sleeping within the ice.
“Fourteen—that’s no different than Felt…so why…?”
Why did this girl have to bear such heavy responsibilities?
The competition for the throne, the frozen forest of her homeland, the Sanctuary with four centuries of stopped time—the sufferings pouring down upon her were so numerous, so illogical, that he wanted to yell Why?!
“Subaru?”
“…Sorry, and I said I wasn’t trying to interrupt…”
With Emilia growing concerned, Subaru forced himself to smile as he responded. Her sufferings with the royal selection only made his ire for Roswaal grow within his chest. But had it not been for that, Subaru would have never met Emilia…hence, his irritation.
“…Emilia, did you live a normal life before the forest froze?”
“I…probably did…when I lived together…with everyone in the forest…”
When Subaru tried to get the conversation back on track, Emilia touched a hand to her forehead as she replied haltingly. It looked suspiciously like she was enduring some kind of pain. Subaru touched her slender shoulder with a hand.
“Emilia? Are you all right? If it’s hard to talk about…”
“I-it’s all right. It’s just, um, my memories…aren’t very clear. Even though I saw my past at the Trial, I…really didn’t understand what I was seeing.”
“You can’t remember the memories you saw? Is that even…?”
Whether it was possible was beyond Subaru to judge.
Subaru had challenged his past but once, and with that one time, Subaru had overcome the Trial. Accordingly, his memories of both his parents were clear, but he didn’t know what would have happened to those memories if he’d failed.
There was no guarantee the Trial hadn’t been wickedly put together to make repeat challengers suffer.
“How about trying to remember one bit at a time? For example…who did you live in the forest with?”
“…There was…a tiny settlement in the forest. All the elves lived there together.”
“Emilia, what about your family?”
He wondered about both her parents and any siblings. It was with that intent that Subaru asked the question, but he instantly realized his error. —Emilia had always spoken of Puck as her only family.
That she’d lost her entire birth family was something he should have deduced without thinking.
“Don’t worry about that. My family wasn’t living inside the forest. Everyone was really nice to me, and I liked everyone…but, mm, family.”
With Subaru regretting his slip, Emilia resolutely smiled and shook her head.
“There was someone like a mommy to me. She was really gentle, beautiful, amazing…”
“Mommy?”
“She had a look in her eyes like you have, Subaru. Just a tiny bit. That…er?”
Still smiling, Emilia was finding something in common between Subaru and her memories of her mother. However, that smile abruptly stiffened, and Emilia blinked her eyes several times.
“Uhhh…why Mommy…Mom…my? Why did I…call her that…”
Seemingly in disbelief, the shaken Emilia touched a hand to her own lips. Emilia’s gaze began to wander around the room, as if searching for an answer, yet it was unable to find one.
But there was no reason a lost fragment of memory would be found fallen on the floor of her temporary abode.
“Emilia, calm down. Take it easy. There’s no need to rush.”
“”
Emilia was on the brink of panic when Subaru wrapped an arm around her head, pulling her close against him. Her long, silver hair flowed down her back as Emilia found, in her surprise, that her forehead touched Subaru’s chest.
He let her hear his heartbeat. Just like Emilia had done for Subaru the night before.
“…What happened to everyone when the forest froze?”
“—. Just like me, they were inside the ice…they’re still frozen even now. I was living inside the forest with Puck, waiting for everyone…”
“I see… That’s really kind of you.”
The days she had spent together with Puck, living in that frozen forest—that was time truly and literally spent alone with the spirit, among the ice statues who had once been like family.
Even just picturing it in his mind, it was a forlorn, lonely scene…
“I waited for everyone to wake up…but that day never came. That’s why… That’s why I…left the forest and participated in the royal selection.”
“—? Why is the forest related to the royal selection?”
“I made a promise with Roswaal.”
His breath caught. That one phrase, promise with Roswaal, sent a shudder through him.
What kind of promise had Emilia, tormented by loneliness in the forest, made with the devil that was Roswaal?
“He made me hold the crest he had…after he made sure the Dragon Jewel was glowing, he spoke about the royal selection, but, I didn’t understand a single thing about the Kingdom of Lugunica.”
Of course she didn’t. There was no way a girl who had lived in the forest since infancy would know about the outside world. So just how had Roswaal lured Emilia out of the forest? That was—
“To me, who understood nothing, Roswaal said this. —If you are able to gain the throne, surely your wish to melt the forest’s ice shall be granted.”
“”
Subaru imagined his seething blood blotting his entire vision red.
Roswaal had used Emilia’s pure, innocent wish to lead her out of the forest. That Emilia held the qualifications to join the royal selection was probably written in the book of knowledge.
Not because he held any hopes for Emilia, but merely so that he might add the strongest card fated to appear under Emilia—a card named Subaru Natsuki—to his own deck.
—If he were honest, it made him loath the idea of keeping Roswaal in Emilia’s party once all the issues were taken care of.
“Subaru, do you think less of me?”
“…Huh? Why would I?”
As soot-black anger burned in Subaru’s chest, Emilia, her face still buried against it, posed that delicate question.
“All the other candidates…they’re participating in the royal selection with all kinds of wonderful goals, but my reason is really, really personal—”
“—So that’s what you meant by your own selfish reason, huh?”
After parting ways right after the opening speech, when Subaru was reunited with her and conveyed his feelings for her, he firmly recalled that Emilia, spilling out her words while bewildered by his goodwill, stated that her reason for aiming for the throne was very selfish.
Perhaps it really was a wish that did not consider the future of the kingdom, or the welfare of all its citizens. However, it served as no more than the trigger. —Her wish was her starting point, but that was no reason to belittle it.
“There’s nothing wrong with your motive of wanting to save your family and the people precious to you. Saving people isn’t any less legitimate just because it’s the few and not the many. Besides, that’s not the only thing care about, right?”
Whatever the initial reason for leaving the forest might have been, Emilia undoubtedly changed in the days that followed. Had she not, she would never have been able to speak her wish so boldly at the meeting place of the royal selection.
She had said she wanted to be seen with fairness, with equality. That was something Emilia had surely gained in the outside world.
“…Yeah. I’m really grateful.”
Still resting her head against Subaru’s chest, Emilia nodded several times as she spoke. As he felt her squirmy movements, Subaru was pensive as to whether he’d been able to support her as intended, even just a little.
But infusing his hand with his undiminished love, he continued gently stroking Emilia’s head.
“…Emilia?”
Just how long had he been doing that?
Midway through their wordless embrace, Subaru called out Emilia’s name. Exhausted, she made no reply; instead, he heard faint sounds of sleep.
Given her mental fatigue, it was only natural Emilia had quickly fallen asleep the moment she found even a tiny measure of peace. Seeing that her face bore the hallmarks not of nightmares, but of sleep to recover from fatigue, Subaru sighed.
Thinking back to the night of the Trial, he should have asked her about her past in more detail.
However, in the end, Subaru had not. That was not because she had been tormented by nightmares, and though it was partly to let Emilia rest when she had been worn down mentally and physically, it was not just that, either.
The biggest reason was something else. —Clearly, something strange was affecting Emilia.
Emilia had revealed to Subaru her birthplace and her reason for participating in the royal selection. The decision to do so must have required a fair bit of courage, but her memories related to the actual Trial had lost their vibrancy. It showed on her face that she didn’t want to talk about it—but that wasn’t the only reason. She had gaps in her memories.
The Trial had likely shown Emilia happenings from a hundred years prior, before the forest was frozen. And yet, she did not properly carry those memories with her.
—She was stumbling, and she did not even know why. Truly, it was just like Ram had told him.
Properly speaking, she could not recall the memories that were causing her to stumble. And this was fatal to her efforts.
If things proceeded like every time before, Emilia would challenge the Trial in a fresh state each night. It would be as if Subaru didn’t retain his memories after a Return by Death and only knew of the events in the current instance of a loop. He would be able neither to reflect upon nor improve on his prior efforts. It made perfect sense why she kept failing.
If this was a trap Echidna had set up, it was the worst kind possible, but—
“—She’s not the type to watch and laugh as you challenge an absolutely insurmountable wall, is she?”
Echidna’s rotten personality was an established fact, but he trusted in the fact that there was a certain aesthetic to her wickedness. That Witch would never establish a Trial that could not be overcome. In that, the malicious Witch no doubt put on airs of godhood.
Then again, there she was, resting in a world of dreams even after death. Maybe her power really did rival those of a god.
“Even if you are some deity, I’m not praying to you. If I’m gonna pray, I’ll pray to my own goddesses.”
But at the moment, both of Subaru’s goddesses had their hands full. That left Subaru to put his meager brain to use in both their steads.
“If Emilia has no means to search her own memories, then…”
Laying the audibly sleeping Emilia upon the bed, Subaru looked inward in search of an answer.
Had something in the past broken Emilia’s spirit when she took the Trial? —The question made him recall the completely similar thoughts he’d had toward a different individual a scant few hours before.
Garfiel was haunted in the same way Emilia was. If there was a difference, it was that Subaru couldn’t ask someone who had the means to know his past—
“—Wait.”
Having thought it through that far, Subaru’s brain came to a halt.
Subaru had contacted Ryuzu in order to learn of Garfiel’s past. It had resulted in a failure that took a wholly unexpected form, but the idea itself continued to have merit. And since he was facing a similar situation in Emilia’s case, couldn’t he try to adopt the same approach there as well?
“Even if Emilia herself doesn’t remember…if I ask someone who does know…”
There were precious few who could possibly know what had happened in the Great Elior Forest.
The first was Roswaal, but their hostile relationship made getting an answer out of him rather difficult. Even where Ram was concerned, he couldn’t expect her to know all the fine details. Given her position, just approaching her was difficult.
But there was one person—or rather, one creature who did.
He was a being who had been right by Emilia’s side and whom she considered the same as family…a being who had spent a very long time with her.
“—Puck.”
Surely, Puck—Emilia’s contracted spirit, professed as her only family, that little cat who’d been present when Emilia awoke from the ice—would know the circumstances.
The problem was that, at present, there was no way to contact the spirit—since several days before traveling to the Sanctuary, Puck had neither shown himself nor answered Emilia’s calls.
Puck’s absence weighed heavily on Emilia’s mind. Even setting that aside, it was necessary for Subaru to speak with Puck personally.
“Think, think, thinkthinkthinkthink. Think, damn it…”
Covering his face with his palms, Subaru desperately searched for a way. He wasn’t responding to Emilia’s call. It was meaningless to attempt to set Puck in motion through any normal means as a spirit mage. Therefore, he needed some other way to forcibly wake up Puck. —He dug through all his memories of Puck to date.
They included his first meeting with Emilia in the capital, their reunion and fighting side by side at the Loot Cellar, the repeated exchanges of words between them during the mansion loop, and the times, after the start of the royal selection, when Puck had even taken his life—
“—How many times was it that you killed me?”
Murmuring to himself alone, he was referring to fact that Puck had been the cause of Return by Death more than once. Subaru was not rekindling his grudge; he was purely confirming to himself what had happened, and how deeply their fates were connected.
Three times, an angry Puck had taken Subaru’s life. And in each of those cases—
“”
Subaru’s breath caught, arriving at the possibility as he looked down at Emilia’s sleeping face.
Emilia was peacefully sleeping, too deeply to dream. There was nothing more Subaru could offer her than that tiny measure of peace. —Or so he had thought.
“Sorry, Emilia.”
With that brief apology to her sleeping face, Subaru drew close to Emilia. Then he put both hands on her slender neck. Feeling her smooth skin on his fingertips, Subaru felt like he couldn’t breathe.
His heartbeats were so noisy. Sensing the fierce flow of blood with his eardrums, Subaru followed where that possibility led.
If Subaru’s expectations were correct, this would summon Puck. All he had to do was put strength into his fingers—
“—As if I ever could.”
Immediately after, Subaru seemed to be enduring pain as he wrung out his voice.
The sensation was real. Feeling the sharp sting of clamping his molars together, Subaru breathed raggedly as he backed off. The palms of both of Subaru’s hands were covered in white frost.
His hands burned like they had been immersed in a bucket of hot water; but in reality, the effect was the polar opposite. This was not agony from an excess of heat, but a biting ache from overwhelming cold.
And the one who had made it happen was—
“You knew what I was aiming for so you didn’t need to go that far, damn it…!”
“—Hmm, I wonder. There’s no guarantee that a certain mix of love and hate wouldn’t result in harm to Lia, is there? And your love runs deep, Subaru.”
“Hey, how did you know about my day care teacher’s reply to the love letter I wrote her in kindergarten…”
“Ehhh…it really is scary to leave Lia by your side. Should I erase you, maybe?”
“Don’t casually use the word erase, geez. Besides—”
Waving both his aching hands, Subaru trained his gaze directly before him in resentment. His gaze arrived at Emilia’s neck—or rather, at the green crystal hanging from it.
The crystal was giving off a faint, pale light. —The voice reaching Subaru was most certainly coming from it.
Though, just as before, there was no tangible sight of him, for he had not materialized.
“Emilia-tan’s all sad that the family pet ran away from home.”
“Rather than leave, I have been right here the entire time, though. But, mm, yes, I should say this.”
Replying glibly to Subaru’s biting sarcasm, the crystal—or rather, Puck—would have probably been floating there with a big smile if he had taken physical form. In this strange atmosphere, he spoke:
“You have done well to call out to me. —I am happy, Subaru.”
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Diamond. Diamond. Diamond.
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