Re:Zero – Starting Life in Another World – Vol. 13 Ch. 2

Re:Zero – Starting Life in Another World. Volume. 13.

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‘Chapter 2:- IGNORING THE ODDS..’

 
Sub-chapter 1.

—The first sensation he became aware of was something rough rubbing against his cheek.

As he regained consciousness, his entire being was dominated by a sense of extreme languor. His body felt sluggish, as if it was sand coursing through his veins rather than blood.

When he opened his mouth in search of air, his parched lips refused to let go of each other and tore apart. The pain and the taste of blood on the tip of his tongue startled him. His slightly bleary eyes rolled around as he forced open his heavy eyelids.

His vision cleared, and the world gained color—and then, the sight of a pitch-black land dragon leaped into his eyes.

“…Oh, it’s you?”

There by his side, heaving rasping breaths and watching him with two narrowed, amber eyes, was Subaru’s beloved land dragon, Patlash. She extended her head, continuing to lick the sleepy Subaru in an apparent show of concern.

“So that rough tongue belongs to you, huh… Where…are we…?”

Subaru suspended the touchy-feely wakeup call, rendering Patlash silent. Lying at his favorite dragon’s side, Subaru looked around the area, drawing his brows together when he saw he was outside the tomb.

—He remembered the encounter with the Witches that had occurred just prior in the world of dreams.

The condition for being invited to Echidna’s tea party was to enter the tomb. According to previous experience, he should have woken up in the stonework room within the tomb.

Instead, Subaru was resting his body against the stone wall at the entrance to the tomb.

“Someone brought me out…? But who…”

“—W-wait! Please wait, dear! Patlash…! Wait a…huff, huff… If you run off and I lose track of you…I’ll be in such trouble…!”

The question Subaru murmured aloud was interrupted by a pathetic voice echoing through the nighttime forest.

The speaker was out of breath, tripping as he earnestly ran up the stone stairs of the tomb. Then, when he spotted Patlash on the steps above, he was clearly exhausted as well as relieved.

“Ahh, I’m so glad! To think you were in a place like…er, ah? Mr. Natsuki?”

“…You sure are in high spirits on a night like this, Otto. What are you up to? Burglary?”

“I shall return that very same question to you. What are you up to? For that matter, you are hardly unrelated to why I am in these dire straits to begin with, Mr. Natsuki.”

Otto’s shoulders dropped as he addressed Subaru, who was sitting on the ground with his legs spread out. Seeing Otto, Subaru had reflexively joked around like usual, but he got down to business in short order.

“I’m not unrelated? Wait, what happened?”

“I mean our dear Patlash. In fact, Patlash went wild back at the stables. As these are unfamiliar surroundings, I untied her thinking I might take her for a refreshing stroll…and poof! Off she ran.”

Otto made a gaze of protest toward her, but the land dragon in question had her face turned away from him, her expression one of lofty indifference.

“…She literally has no eyes for me… At any rate, she rushed out of the stables, and I was nervous that if she ran off entirely, my situation would become grave, bringing us to the present, you see.”

“So she came right to me, then. Well, well, Patlash. You must be the sort to get lonely quick.”

“It did not appear to be…mere longing for you, Mr. Natsuki. I mean…”

Crossing his arms, Otto narrowed his eyes, suggestively turning them toward Patlash. Subaru followed suit, squinting as he gazed at the land dragon’s scales, which seemed to melt into the night. That was when he realized it.

Patlash’s black scales had wounds that oozed with blood. Surely, the hard scales covering her body could not be easily harmed, and more than that, her injuries looked like they were inflicted internally rather than externally.

—Instantly, the stated rules for entering the tomb rose in the back of Subaru’s mind.

“When someone not qualified enters the tomb, they get rejected…”

As a matter of fact, that rule was the cause of Roswaal’s grave injuries from when he had entered the tomb. There was no mercy for any violators of that edict, and it was effective not only against people, but even against land dragons.

“Don’t tell me you…got all hurt like this to pull me out of there?”

Murmuring, Subaru touched his own shoulder. There were traces of saliva left on his sports jacket. There was dirt on his back and hips from being dragged, too. It was Patlash who had brought Subaru outside.

In spite of her wounds from the penalty for entering the tomb, Subaru’s beloved dragon had brought him out.

“Why’d you do something stupid like…when I woke up, I could’ve just come outside on my…you didn’t need to drag me out and get all hurt like this…”

Unable to keep looking at her seeping wounds, Subaru hung his head. Patlash reached out once more, rubbing the tip of her nose against Subaru. Subaru couldn’t tell what she meant by it.

Unable to exchange words with her, the flow of thoughts and feelings ran only in one direction between them. He was always the one being saved.

“Otto.”

“What is it? If I am in the way, perhaps it would be best if I went somewhere for the…”

“Can you…ask Patlash why she saved me?”

—There was only one way to find out what Patlash truly thought.

Otto’s blessing of language. This power allowed him to converse with birds and animals, both of which could not normally engage in human speech. Surely, with this, it was possible to find out how Patlash felt.

However, faced with Subaru’s request, Otto twisted his lips and put on a disagreeable look.

“Er…to be honest, I cannot wrap my head around it. Mr. Natsuki, are you trying to be funny?”

“…Do I look like I’m trying to make a joke right now?”

“Even in such a sorry state, I feel like Mr. Natsuki of all people might make some sort of unfunny jest, and I must admit that I do hope you are joking. —You truly cannot tell?”

When Otto replied in a low voice, Subaru tried to respond only to be overwhelmed by Otto’s gaze.

Otto was looking at Subaru with an incredulous look, as if he was watching something ridiculous. Subaru felt like he was overlooking something rather big, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

Seeing Subaru’s confusion, Otto let out an exasperated sigh as he touched his hand to his cheek.

“My blessing is not as omnipotent as you believe it to be, Mr. Natsuki. Mere transmission of thoughts differs from translation, so asking me to bridge the gap in this exchange is asking for the impossible.”

“”

“Your eyes say to try anyway. Very well…though I wonder if there is a point, really…”

Though his sullen dismay trickled out, Otto grudgingly accepted Subaru’s request. Otto gently stroked Patlash’s back as she snuggled up to Subaru.

—A high-pitched, raspy breath came out of that very Otto’s throat.

Through the power of the blessing of language, he had converted human speech into land dragon speech. Patlash responded to his call, turned her head toward Otto, and emitted a similar, high-pitched call.

Otto responded to this with a high-pitched call, and so it went, back and forth.

“I am finished…but, mm-hmm, it is difficult. How do I translate this into human terms…”

“Don’t keep me in suspense. Just tell me, I’m begging you.”

“I am not attempting to keep you in…ahh, this really puts me in a bind! Then again, would conveying this message be considered an extremely strange form of kindness?!”

Scratching his head, Otto repeatedly searched his thoughts for words that he would find acceptable. Finally, after noticing Subaru nervously clenching his teeth, he sighed with what felt like an air of resignation.

“It is closest to Don’t make me…say something like that, I believe.”

“…Eh?”

Scratching his cheek with a blush on his face, Otto averted his gaze as Subaru widened his eyes at those words.

Though Subaru waited for him to continue, Otto offered nothing more. Or so it seemed, but Otto raised his eyebrows toward the speechless Subaru.

“I mean, she said Don’t make me…say something like that. I thought she might say as much…”

“Not making her say…what’s that supposed to mean…?”

“Exactly what it sounds like. If I was to add my own personal impression, it’d be with an air of Do I really need to say it for you to understand?”

Otto’s statement only further perplexed Subaru.

Though he was being asked Don’t you understand? he really didn’t. What was it, exactly, that Subaru didn’t understand, then?

“…Overcome with worry whether a certain person is in peril and unable to hold still, she comes rushing out to mount a rescue regardless of what wounds she may sustain, staying right at his side until he awakens, smiling at him in relief when he opens his eyes—in such a case, be it human or land dragon, I believe the feelings behind those actions are much the same.”

“Ah—”

“And even if it wasn’t Patlash, you would still get Don’t make me say it. To not notice when her demeanor demonstrates so much is something beyond being merely dense… I suppose that ignorance is bliss?”

Otto looking exasperated from the very bottom of his heart made Subaru appreciate the depth of his own foolishness.

Next, when he looked at Patlash, who was right by his side, the land dragon stared at Subaru with a gentle gaze, drawing her nose close to rub against his neck once more.

By nature, he stroked the land dragon’s head, gently petting her hard, rocklike scales.

“I see…you love me, don’t you?”

“”

“So you’re in love with me… I see.”

Thump, he felt, as something that’d been caught inside his chest seemed to fall away.

Subaru’s acknowledgment brought a neigh out of Patlash, and the strength of her rubbing increased as if she was trying to conceal a blush. The sensation scraped his skin, but when Subaru tried to open his mouth to protest—

“Uh, ah…?”

Abruptly, hot droplets coursed down Subaru’s cheeks. —Tears. They were tears.

From somewhere in the very back of his consciousness, something urgently welled up and came pouring out. He rushed to touch his hands to his cheeks, but he was too late to hide it. Otto gaped right at him.

“M-Mr. Natsuki? Breaking into tears from realizing your land dragon is fond of you is a little…”

“You’re wro…this isn’t…it’s just, the timing is too darn perfect…shit, right when I was having doubts, the answer came flying into my face…!”

—It wasn’t fair. This came at the perfect time. That was Patlash for you. Too crafty, too cunning.

Internally papering things over with such foolish words, Subaru desperately fought to hold back tears.

He recalled how at the Witch’s Tea Party, he had confessed his true desire of not wanting to die. He confessed, too, his greed: His desire to be with the people precious to him was just as strong as his desire to protect them.

And how he yearned to know if the people important to him thought he was something precious to them.

“Who’d have thought you’d be the first one to tell me? —Thanks, Patlash.”

As if to reply to the faithful love trained toward him, Subaru poured his feelings into his palm as he stroked his beloved dragon.

Satisfied with his touch, Patlash lifted her head in a ladylike manner. Moreover, the swaying of her tail showed without a doubt that she was in a good mood.

“Now that you have reaffirmed your bonds with Patlash, are you all right?”

“Yeah, thanks to her. Sorry to cause you a lot of trouble, too… Whaddaya mean ‘all right’?”

“Mentally, but also physically. I can tell just by looking that you entered the tomb. You collapsed when you went in to save Emilia, so what was it this time? It is more than enough to make one worry.”

“So you were worried about me…by any chance, are you in love with me, too?”

“Could you please not say something creepy such as that?! Surely, you are not so unsatisfied with being loved by Patlash that you feel like asking this of all your acquaintances?”

“Some reason I can’t? To be honest, right now, I’d love even one extra message of support and consolation, but…”

“Yes, yes, I am quite happy to see that you have returned to your usual form… I believe that for the sake of my future, I will be supporting you, Mr. Natsuki. Even to the bitter end.”

Shuddering in the face of Subaru’s eccentric advance warning, Otto thrust both hands forward in a visible attempt to stop him. It was so very mercantile of him to use the roundabout phrase for the sake of my future.

“But if that precondition should come into question, and I find myself in peril, I shall flee with all available haste. Please keep that in mind.”

It certainly was a heartless statement, but drawing a line was a necessary ritual for tacit consent. Even though he’d said it like that, Otto’s good nature was on full display.

“Yeah, I get it. You’re—”

Subaru, about to give a nod to Otto’s realistic point of view, stopped.

Something felt off. And immediately realizing just what it was, he let out a little “Hah.”

“…What is it?”

“Mm, just remembered something. Yeah, that’s right…”

With Otto giving him a suspicious look, Subaru nodded several times over, lifting his face toward the night sky.

Amid the loop that had begun in that very Sanctuary, Subaru had cooperated with Otto several times over. And during that time, Subaru had many opportunities to observe him. Hence—

“If you find yourself in peril, you’ll flee with all haste…is it right?”

“Yes, but of course. I bear no duty to Mr. Natsuki and others to go quite that f…”

“You won’t run.”

“—Eh?”

Subaru murmured to Otto, who was trying to lightheartedly adopt the role of a realist. Then, when Otto widened his eyes, Subaru faced him directly as he continued.

“—You won’t leave me and run, Otto.”

This was the man who hadn’t faltered in the face of Garfiel’s threats, who had come to rescue Subaru from imprisonment.

This was the man who had shielded Subaru from a bestial Garfiel, resisting him together with the villagers.

However unfeeling he might act, Subaru knew the truth.

“Otto. —That’s because you’re my friend.”

Sub-chapter 2.

Having received encouragement from Otto and Patlash, Subaru gained a moment of mental respite.

To be blunt, he still couldn’t entirely digest what had happened in the castle of dreams. Even so, he chewed it over bit by bit, using it as fuel to drive himself onward.

“I shall take Patlash back… Goodness, this is really throwing me off my stride.”

Otto had continued to let out little grumbles as he departed, with Patlash somehow looking like a girl dragged off by her hair as they left the tomb. Seeing off the two people (or rather, one person and one steed), Subaru, left behind after claiming to want to feel the nighttime breeze, slowly turned back toward the tomb.

—Same as before, the tomb of the Witch of Greed stood there, illuminated by the pale moonlight.

Parting ways with the Witch who he’d sought to rely on was a deeply painful matter to Subaru. The words serious blow did not quite suffice. But cutting ties with the Witch had been necessary, however heavy a blow. He couldn’t pigeonhole her as an “evil” being. However, she was someone with whom he could not see eye to eye.

The same went for Minerva and the other Witches, and so, too, for Satella, aka Jealousy—

“It’s fine that she told me to love myself more, but…”

Subaru recalled what she’d told him just before the parting promise he’d made to her, but the words left him at a loss.

“How the heck should I go about relying on the people precious to me…?”

He wondered if that was asking him to be honest with them. Yet, it was none other than Satella herself who had forbidden him from doing this—or rather, if he went by what he had learned in the conversations within the dream, it was the Witch personality that had forbidden Subaru from speaking of Return by Death.

Everyone there had asserted there was a discrepancy between Satella and the Witch of Jealousy. If that was so, then the promise at the very end had been with—

“—I’ve gotta put that on the back burner for now, damn it.”

It was then that Subaru slammed the brakes, keeping his thoughts from coursing in Satella’s direction. What he needed was a way to break through this stalemate of a situation, or at the very least, he needed to grab hold of a single strand that would lead him to a way out.

“The trigger at the mansion is based on when I return…in which case, I have to get a handle on the issues in the Sanctuary first. That means the Trial, Garfiel, and Roswaal’s book of knowledge, huh…”

Each of the individual issues raised before him were troublesome in and of themselves, but the greatest difficulty was in how closely each related to the others. In particular, he still couldn’t forget his shock at how Roswaal’s grandiose plans factored in even death.

Roswaal knew of Subaru’s Return by Death—or more precisely, he knew Subaru could loop. Knowing that Subaru had the power to turn time back, he sought to employ that for his own objective.

His goal was to make what was written in his book of knowledge a reality. For that, Roswaal made snow fall on the Sanctuary, turning the place into a feeding ground for the demon beast known as the Great Rabbit.

Beyond that, there was the barrier that would not be lifted until the Trial was overcome, preventing the residents of the Sanctuary from evacuating; and Garfiel, whose thinking grew more obstinate with each repetition.

Every time Subaru had looped, he found Garfiel standing in a different position. Once, he had pressed Subaru to take the Trial, displaying a cooperative stance toward resolving the Sanctuary’s issues. In hindsight, that had all been an act so as not to convey that he himself was opposed to resolving those problems.

The more Subaru pursued the Sanctuary’s liberation, the sterner Garfiel’s measures became. It was difficult for Subaru to forget his anger from when Garfiel had bared his fangs toward Otto, Ram, and the people of Earlham Village. But Garfiel had also saved Subaru’s life. Accordingly, the discordant sense he felt toward Garfiel’s true thoughts had deepened with each new start of the loop.

Having received Echidna’s final words of advice, those feelings had grown stronger, and deeply barbed.

“Foolish, pitiable Garfiel fears the outside world…was it?”

It was already clear to him that Garfiel must have taken the Trial at some point in the past. As a result, Garfiel had become an Apostle of Greed, gaining command rights over Ryuzu and the other replicas.

If it was his past that made Garfiel fearful of the outside world…if that was the curse that bound him to the Sanctuary—it was an issue that Subaru had thought of once, only to discard it.

He’d told himself it was not necessary to delve too deeply into who Garfiel was as a person. In so doing, he had once again averted his eyes from a pressing issue in front of him.

“In the end, it really is important to learn, huh? But knowing nothing but that still gets me a failing grade.”

It was not possible to overcome the wall that was Garfiel without knowing his true intent. But even if he could do so, the problems of the Sanctuary’s barrier and Roswaal still remained. And to break through that worst of all combinations—

“—In the end, clearing the tomb to secure our line of retreat is the most pressing business, huh?”

When he put everything in order, he inevitably wound up back at the very beginning. Clearing the tomb was an indispensable condition for resolving the issues of the Sanctuary—the real problem being the number of remaining Trials.

“With the horrible time I had in it, did I end up clearing the second Trial or not…?”

Under the rubric of the event he’d come to know as behold the unknowable present, Subaru arrived at the worlds where he had chosen differently—experiencing what one might call a series of parallel worlds.

—These were glimpses into worlds beyond hell, impaling Subaru with particular cruelty.

After driving Subaru to lamentation with various second guesses and countless regrets, how exactly had the Trial graded him?

“”

Audibly cracking the bones of his neck, Subaru powerfully exhaled as his footsteps echoed through the corridor in the tomb.

His largest reason for sending Otto and Patlash back ahead of him was so he could do this and check for himself which Trial the tomb would guide him to: the second or the third.

In other words, he was challenging the possibility he might have to behold the unknowable presents once more. The scenes frightened Subaru more than anything in this world, and his mind shuddered at the possibility of seeing them again.

Even so, he could not ignore them. Forgetting them, or running from them, was out of the question.

He had no choice but to face them. He bore a duty to do so. And to fulfill that duty—

“Uugh?”

He stepped strongly, his movements in line with his resolve. —But the very next moment, his vision swayed.

“Agh, guh!”

Losing his balance from the sudden dizziness, Subaru bumped into a wall and fell right to the floor. An intense wave of nausea hit him, stirring his brain. Unable to resist it, he got on all fours and vomited onto the floor.

—Alarm bells kept ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing.

“Ugeh…hah, ach, ugh…!”

His thoughts were all tangled. He felt as if a hole had opened in his skull, and an electrode had been thrust into it, frying his brain. No matter how much he vomited, he didn’t feel any better; instinctively, Subaru rushed outside, tumbling through the corridor as he did so.

“Wh-what was that just now…?”

Wiping tears from his eyes, Subaru looked back up at the tomb in a daze.

The tomb was unchanged, as was the tranquility in the air. —Aside from the fact that it seemed oddly malevolent.

When he tried to crawl closer to approach the tomb once more, Subaru’s limbs were constrained by a painful sense of aversion.

—He was being rejected. That sensation brought him to a different realization, linking the two like a bolt of lightning.

It was a simple explanation. This was what had happened to Patlash’s body but a brief time earlier. It simply meant the same rejection that had hurt Roswaal was now hitting Subaru.

A simple thing, but it demonstrated a most crucial fact. Namely that—

“—I’ve…lost the qualification to challenge the tomb? You’re kidding me, that can’t…”

Standing up, Subaru gazed upon the tomb as if trying to reject that conclusion. However, his feet would not take the single step that would lead him inside. He instinctively understood both the tomb’s rejection and his loss of qualification.

—From the back of his mind arose the image of a white-haired Witch clad in a black dress for a funeral.

“Why that malicious little…!”

Certainly, the Witch had posed the question to Subaru on their parting.

She asked him to choose which hand he would take: hers or Satella’s?

And Subaru had chosen Satella. If this was payback for his choice—

“Damn you! Just how much of a rotten personality do you have, Echidna the crappy Witch—!!”

Subaru wrung out an angry shout into the night sky, howling at a Witch who could surely could not hear him.

But however much he yelled, wailed, or raged, it would not change what had happened.

—Subaru Natsuki had lost his qualification to challenge the Trial, and thus, could no longer liberate the Sanctuary.

Sub-chapter 3.

—To Subaru, it was a decision that required courage identical to that for challenging the tomb.

The Trial that thrust his mistakes before him in the worst possible manner, making even his legs recoil in fear. It was enough to make him question whether it wasn’t just his fear that had prevented him from going back into the tomb.

However, that was not in fact the case. Fear had not been the reason why his legs refused to move. And his decision was fueled by the same desire to overcome the deadlock that had made him push past his fear to begin with.

If the possibilities of challenging the tomb and gaining the cooperation of the Witch, had both been exhausted, the remaining choices dwindled to one—

“Visiting so late at night such as thiiiis is an unexpectedly haaaappy thing.”

Lying in bed, speaking these words, and greeting Subaru with a smile in his clown makeup was the man—no, this was the devil Roswaal L. Mathers, a creature harboring plots and an obsession so great that Subaru likened him to a monster more than man.

Propping his back up with a pillow, Roswaal was sitting up, his white-dabbed face illuminated by the flame of a burning candle inside the room, giving rise to a bizarre atmosphere that emphasized his inhumanity.

With that devil before him, Subaru dry swallowed and forced down his nervousness.

—The only choice left for Subaru was to rely upon the Roswaal before him.

However, that didn’t mean he intended to break through every issue facing the Sanctuary together. Given Subaru’s mental attitude, and his ultimate objectives, that was impossible.

Subaru could not forgive Roswaal for slaying Ram and Garfiel with his own hands, nor his sacrificing the villagers. Roswaal was similarly unlikely to abide by Subaru’s way of life when it ill-suited his own objectives.

Accordingly, what began from there was an elaborate ruse between two people whose hearts could absolutely not forgive the other.

“And? You have come out of your way to sneak in at such a late hour. Whaaat is it that you bring? Perhaps some seductive, persuasive phrases that might arouse my iiiinterest?”

“…Well, you’re not wrong that I’m trying to sweet-talk you. There’s something I want to ask you. —Is there a way to slip out of the Sanctuary while ignoring the tomb?”

Faced with Subaru’s difficult-to-articulate opening move, Roswaal’s smile gained a frosty air to it. He cracked open the side of the lips, which formed that clownish smile, and with his yellow eye, Roswaal beheld Subaru as he spoke:

“Subaru. —Is this the first tiiiime you have asked me this?”

The simple act of asking of that question established they were fully aware exactly where the other stood.

Roswaal knew that Subaru looped. Subaru knew that Roswaal knew. Now that both understood this, it was possible to play the conversation card.

With this in mind, Subaru shrugged his shoulders in a provocative gesture.

“It’s the first time I’ve asked ‘this’ question. At this point, it’s stupid trying to count how many times we’ve been feeling the other out like this, though.”

“Is that…so. I see. From your demeanor…may I take it as meaning that…?”

“Well, who’s to say?”

Averting his gaze, Subaru delayed revealing the conclusion Roswaal sought.

Subaru did not let the faint whiff of hope residing in Roswaal’s eyes during that exchange escape his notice. Noticing a change that slight was an advantage that Return by Death provided him.

Roswaal, who knew only the fact that looping existed, had no way of understanding what emotions Subaru brought with him from having looped previously. Hence—

“I’m still in the middle of trial and error. Cooperation from you would be a big help, though.”

—Even if Subaru pretended to be moving in accordance with Roswaal’s will, there was no way for Roswaal to know it was an act.

The book of knowledge in his possession did not account for the finer details of Subaru’s actions. He was able to deduce that from Roswaal’s statements prior to the assault by the Great Rabbit.

In the end, Roswaal only had the gist of things spelled out for him. In other words, if Subaru played his role perfectly, he ought to be able to deceive Roswaal and lead him around by the nose. That was certainly a possibility.

“And part of that trial and error involves breaking past the Sanctuary while ignoring the tomb? If so, that is quite timid of you. With the Authority you possess, surely you can challenge it an infinite number of times and overcome any difficulties. To cast that aside midway is an deficiency of resolve, is it noooot?”

“Being flexible is definitely an advantage. Just like you said, I have an infinite number of chances. But what we need now is results, not quibbling about the process…so long as Emilia gets the credit for liberating the Sanctuary, it’s all good, right?”

Forcing a calm, composed look onto his face, Subaru’s nerves frayed as he tried not to let anything slip. His heartbeats were rapid, and the sweat on his back was far from modest, but he had to pull the wool over Roswaal’s eyes no matter what.

He had to give a cruel explanation—for that was how Roswaal wanted Subaru to be.

By putting Emilia first, he was playing the role of the brave knight, faithful to a fault. For her sake, Subaru would choose methods that hurt him in the process—something he imagined would please Roswaal.

“I seeee… Certainly, that is the sort of answer I prefer to heaaar.”

Roswaal’s intimidating gaze had a glint that welcomed Subaru as a kindred soul. Physiological revulsion welled within him at having such a devil with incomprehensible thoughts acknowledge him as a comrade.

Subaru resented the label despite being well aware of how twisted he had to be for Roswaal to think of him that way…

“I am pleased at the change within you. But it is difficult to answer your question. After all, it has been four centuries since the barrier was first deployed. There is no precedent. There is no reason to doubt how it was woven, and when I think of who wove it, it iiis difficult to conceive she might have made such a blunder…”

“So it’s Echidna’s barrier, huh?”

“My, you are already acquainted with her?”

There was no way the faint whiff of envy in that seemingly teasing sentence was his imagination. Roswaal clearly had an obsession with Echidna. But this time, Subaru would make use of that.

“Yeah, of course I am. Just to mention, I’ve already picked up a bunch of things already, like about the Ryuzu Meyer facility in the forest and Garfiel being an Apostle of Greed.”

“Ahaaaa, that is most spleeeendid of you. I am graaaateful this speeds our conversation.”

As Subaru unveiled crucial pieces of information one by one, he could feel Roswaal’s suspicions begin to loosen. At this rate— His feelings of haste for success caused a tardy response to the words that followed.

“But if that is so, my doubts grow greater still. Why are you searching for a loophole out of the Sanctuary? Having resolved to act, it is most indecisive to probe for that possibility. —Indeed, your current proposal cannot but make me think…this is you before your resolve is at its zeniiiith.”

“…Well, take it as you will.”

For a single second, his reply to Roswaal’s counterattack stuck in his throat, but Subaru raised a finger and continued.

“As you know, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to earn fame for Emilia. Plus, I have to say, there’s not many people involved with the Sanctuary, so it’s a small-time event. Newsworthy moments, like the White Whale or the Witch Cult, take precedence. —This place holds no value.”

“Therefore, you are searching for a loophole? —I cannot heeeelp but find your answer suspect.”

“Suspect?”

Right when Subaru thought he’d snuck through, Roswaal surprised him, shaking his head from side to side.

“I have not confirmed your Authority with my very own eeeyes. This being the case, I am not obligated to go along with your foolishness. Therefore, we must draw a line we can mutually accept.”

“An acceptable line, huh?”

“I wish for this to be the liberation of the Sanctuary. Not through a back door, but rather, liberation in a true sense. If you achieve this, my suspicions will be allayed, and you and I shall be coconspirators striving for a common goal…two men working to place Lady Emilia upon the royal throne. A rather profitable relationship, I truuuust?”

This time, Subaru hardened his cheeks as Roswaal’s words cut off any hope of retreat.

His words carried a power to them that was difficult to resist. Even if he was making liberal use of Subaru’s Return by Death, Roswaal was an irreplaceable force in making Emilia’s wish come true.

Roswaal’s patronage was a prerequisite for making Emilia’s dream attainable. To secure the royal throne for her required Subaru and Roswaal both. —He’d jabbed at a very sore spot.

But though the logical argument was a severe blow to him, Subaru had the odd feeling that something was off—as if a different scheme was being hidden behind an opinion that only seemed righteous at first glance.

Subaru probably noticed it because he was attempting to deceive Roswaal with precisely the same logic.

“Something’s bugging me a little…you’re really hung up on liberating the Sanctuary.”

—Almost as if he had a reason for wanting to do so that overshadowed the rest.

Subaru’s statement, containing that implication, made Roswaal’s smile deepen in an even more suspicious manner.

“—!”

It was that smile that made Subaru feel intensely wary toward Roswaal.

In other words, within his chest, there was an instant of clarity rivaling when Roswaal had murdered Ram and Garfiel just prior to being savagely consumed by the Great Rabbit…a moment when the blackest depths of his obsessed mind, thinking nothing of sacrificing the lives of others, poured out.

“—Why do you think this?”

But it seemed that Roswaal had no intention of opening his own heart at that point in time.

Faced with the return question, Subaru clicked his tongue.

“It’s not very complicated. To be honest, I think your plan doesn’t seem very like you. Of course I’d notice how every word from you from start to finish lists liberating the Sanctuary as a condition.”

“I believe I already explained that. You are to exhaust all efforts for Lady Emilia. I am having you deal with the nearest problem at hand so that you might prove to me that this is your true stance. You take issue with this?”

“I don’t think forbidding every answer besides liberation is very fair. There’s plenty of other proof to be had.”

“We are speaking past each other. Indeed, there is something I wish to ask you insteaaad.”

This time, it was Roswaal who raised a finger, one eye closed as he spoke to the stubborn Subaru.

“You appear quite tiiiimid where it comes to the Trial. It almost feels to me as if you have a reason to not desire the liberation of the Sanctuary.”

“As if I don’t want this place freed! I’d just love to pry that barrier open and drag all the unresolvable problems outside! …But.”

“But?”

He was being carried away by the intensity of the conversation. Realizing this, Subaru instantly shut his mouth. If he spoke without thinking at this point, everything would be for naught. He strove to calm himself and choose his words with care.

“I don’t…I don’t want to see Emilia hurt herself challenging the tomb’s Trial any longer.”

“That is why it must be you. If Lady Emilia stumbles in the Trial, you need only do it in her place. Who lifts the barrier is not an issue, precisely as you yourself have said.”

“Nghh…”

He’d never imagined the conversation would go in this direction. Subaru clenched his back teeth at the resistance he faced left and right. Seeing Subaru pressed into anguished silence, Roswaal narrowed his eye.

“Surely, you are not finding it too hard to take the Trial in Lady Emilia’s place? It cannot be that you are seeking a way out to spare yourself? If so, then that means your feelings for Lady Emilia are meager indeed.”

“Don’t mess with…! It’s not like…”

“It is not like that? How can you be certain? Who would believe such a thing? If you are truly thinking of Lady Emilia, suffering any agony for her sake is only natural. If you truly love Lady Emilia, is it not most natural for you to do so? If it is for Lady Emilia’s sake, you should set your own heart aside…but can you?”

It seemed like an interrogation. Subaru felt like he was being swallowed up as Roswaal pressed him.

Those words constituted an extremist argument. However, it was a conclusion anyone comprehending Subaru’s Return by Death would arrive at.

—There was a time when Subaru had clung to that very conclusion himself.

Probably, had Subaru taken the hand Echidna had offered, he, too, would have trivialized everything save for the person most precious to him. He’d endure scars and pain both for the sake of the future.

But he could no longer live like that. He’d realized… he didn’t want to.

“—It would seem that your resolve has not been suffiiiiciently honed.”

Seeing something in Subaru’s black eyes, Roswaal abruptly let those words trickle out, making a sad-sounding sigh.

“I had hoped…yes, just a little, I had placed hope in you that by some chance, I might see what I yearn for with my very own eyes. But it seems things shall not go so well indeed.”

Roswaal did not conceal his disappointment as strength drained out of his body, whereupon he lay on the bed once more. His demeanor indicated that the conversation was over. Subaru was upset that the meeting had failed.

Based on his statement just then, Roswaal was conveying that he had no further reason to live this time. Having tested Subaru’s mental state and found it wanting, he intended to lie down, content to merely watch Subaru’s struggles, and end his own life.

But if the current Subaru allowed that, all his efforts would have been for nothing.

“Why do you have to…throw everything away all of a sudden like that?! Nothing’s over yet!”

“It is indeed over. No, perhaps I should rather say, it has not even begun. You have yet to even stand at the starting line of resolve. So long as your feet do not find it, you shall never overcome these troubles.”

“The starting line of resolve?! I don’t get you!! Just how far do you want to push m…”

“—I had hoped you possessed the will to pursue your own objective, even if it tramples Lady Emilia’s will underfoot.”

With Subaru standing rigid, Roswaal went “Now see here?” as if teaching a little child.

“If you truly think it is for Lady Emilia’s sake, you should ignore what Lady Emilia herself thinks. Like a little child dreaming of paradise, you do not possess the resolve to choose to walk through the cruelty of hell. To save her life, you should readily choose to ignore her wishes.”

“Th-that’s putting the cart before the horse, ain’t it?! What’s with that thinking, saying as long as it’s for Emilia’s sake …”

“There is life. So long as there is life, there is a future. If there is a future, there is hope.”

With Subaru’s words catching in his throat, Roswaal continued his own. He spat them out meticulously, cruelly; like lead bullets, they shot directly into Subaru’s heart.

“If there is hope, there is possibility. If there is possibility, a person can be saved. —Am I wrong?”

You’re wrong, Subaru wanted to speak in a thunderous voice. However, he did not have another answer. Unable to make an emotional argument, Subaru’s stranded feelings made him want to wail.

“—!”

“No response, hmm? How many more times will you disappoint me?”

When Subaru clenched his fists, his lips trembling, Roswaal turned his eyes toward him with a look of pity. Following this, he sat up once more, clutching a black book—his book of knowledge—to his chest.

Then, Roswaal stroked the book’s cover with a finger as he spoke toward the rigid Subaru.

“Therefore, I shall hone your insufficient resolve. I shall back you into a corner once more.”

Subaru was aghast. What more could he do? What would force him to even greater limits?

“Already, you must have come face-to-face with the issues occurring in this Sanctuary. You are likely better versed with them than I. But the problems before you are not within this Sanctuary alone.”

“Y-you mean the mansion…? You know about that, too…?”

Subaru was horrified at the reference to the assault on the mansion coming from Roswaal’s own lips. Was even that written within the book of knowledge? Or was Roswaal simply illustrating the issue with a hypothetical?

The next instant blew away Subaru’s such thoughts without a single trace remaining.

After all—

“—But of course, for it is I who contracted the assassins to attack the manor.”

—He had just confessed that the mastermind of the incident, the one pulling the strings of the tragedy at the mansion, was none other than Roswaal himself.

Sub-chapter 4.

It was crumbling. The ground beneath his feet was crumbling.

Having lost the firm footing that should’ve been there, Subaru felt like he was falling into darkness. Roswaal’s confession was simply that shocking.

“Wait…wait. Wait a minute…you did what?”

“I sent assassins to the mansion. —To hone your resolve, you see.”

“Resolve? What do you…mean by ‘resolve’?”

“That is simple. Even with your Authority, you cannot save things precious to you that are imperiled in two places at once. You must choose what is most important to you. Once you make that choice, you can never take it back. Then, you will finally be complete. —A being who can save but one, single thing.”

Subaru’s words refused to come out. It was not that he was unable to face the unpleasant evidence, or had faltered before the argument. It was simply that words did not suffice to convey the ferocity of his emotions. That was all.

—Never to that degree had he experienced something that was truly unspeakable.

Frederica, Petra, even Beatrice…had they died for such a preposterous scheme?

For the sake of a banal plot to shape Subaru, had they been betrayed by and lost their lives to the master they trusted completely?

“Roswaal…you…are truly mad…”

“I am indeed. I went mad long ago. —Since I was bewitched by those eyes four centuries ago, I have been mad ever since.”

“Four hundred…?”

Not understanding the meaning of the words tossed out, Subaru could only repeat them like a village idiot.

Once again, an issue arose from a time four centuries prior. However, it was unnatural for such words to have come from Roswaal’s lips. He, a man living in the present age, had no way to know of things four hundred years before.

And yet, Roswaal had spoken as if he had experienced those events firsthand—

“—Subaru Natsuki.”

“Ah…”

“Why are you not yet mad? Why are you not yet sufficiently insane? You should be just as crazed as I…no, more. When walking upon the lonely path through territory uncharted for the sane, a human heart is nothing but a hindrance. —That is what I shall strengthen in you.”

As a means of shattering Subaru’s heart, which was supposedly already hardened in resolve, the declaration struck all too true.

He’d underestimated Roswaal’s knowledge of the loop. The advantage of his experiences via Return by Death had made him arrogant and presumptive.

Roswaal had devised a sieve so tight that not even Return by Death could break through.

“So what do you intend to do?”

Roswaal’s chilling voice showered down upon him from overhead. Even though Roswaal lay in bed at a height lower than him, Subaru went down on all fours on the spot, scraping his head against the floor. He prostrated himself… There was nothing else he could do.

In an unsightly manner, Subaru touched his head to the floor, pathetically making his earnest plea.

“Please, wait… I’m begging you, please forgive me. I-I’m the one at fault. So please, save everyone… I-I’ll…”

“Goodness, please raise your head, Subaru. You have nothing to apologize for. You have done nothing wrong. That is why I must…”

“Y-you’re wrong… I can’t do what you’re saying. My feelings have nothing to do with it. I can’t…take the Trial. I’ve lost my qualifications.”

“…What?”

As Subaru sniffed his nose, the words he haltingly conveyed threw Roswaal off for the first time. Unsurprisingly, the fact was outside his expectations as well.

With Roswaal seemingly sinking into thought wondering why, Subaru smacked his head against the floor once more.

“Please! I’m begging you! I can’t do it. Even if the mansion’s attacked, it’s no use! There’ll be no meaning to anyone’s death…so please stop. Please, stop this…!”

“—No, I cannot. Indeed, hearing this, the necessity has grown stronger still.”

But his earnest plea earned only that cruel announcement. Shocked, Subaru raised his head.

Roswaal beheld Subaru with both his eyes. A gaze of black eyes intertwined with one of blue and yellow.

“To be blunt, your loss of qualifications is outside my calculations. However, that does not constitute a dead end.”

“Why…no matter how much you whittle me down, those qualifications aren’t coming back! The sacrifices won’t have any meani…”

“Is that truly the case? Deep down, you yourself surely understand?”

Subaru’s entreaty was rebuffed by Roswaal’s frigid voice.

Thump went the powerful leap of his heart. His surprise was not directed toward those unexpected words, for Subaru, too, understood what Roswaal was saying and his true intent.

His qualifications had been stripped away. They had been taken back. They had been lost. But that also meant—

“If she wishes it, Echidna could reissue your qualifications or anything else. If you have put her in an ill mood, you need merely reconcile with her. Such is the nature of her Greed.”

In other words, Subaru needed to change his mind and take Echidna’s hand. But that—

“Do not grow conceited, Subaru Natsuki. You are not the oooonly one who understands Echidna.”

—Roswaal pounded these words, and the envy accompanying them, into the very bottom of Subaru’s heart.

“You will regain your qualifications. You will rectify the situation. Accordingly, my actions will not change. By not changing them, I shall back you into a corner, hone your resolve, and make you whole.”

“Ah…”

Knowing that even his earnest plea was futile, Subaru, still on his knees, sank into despair.

But his dry lips moved, and slowly, he spoke:

“If you…if you hate me, then make it me, and no one el…”

“Hate you?”

What other feelings could he have that would make him act like this? However, Roswaal seemed genuinely put off by Subaru’s words, raising his eyebrows—and then, he smiled.

“It is impossible for me to hate you. You are my hope. If I harbor the emotion one might call expectation anywhere in this world, it is with you and Ram, and none others. —I trust you, from the bottom of my heart.”

Their resolve…was nothing alike. The sheer weight of Roswaal determination was on a different scale than his own.

Without the slightest altruism, Roswaal had crushed underfoot the tiny bit Subaru had learned from his experiences. He’d put Subaru in checkmate, leaving not so much as a gap for Return by Death to slip through.

At that point, even if Roswaal was killed, the attack on the mansion could not be stopped. In the first place, so as far as Roswaal was concerned, his life was not something up for negotiation. Without his existence, Emilia could not win the royal selection. Life, royal selection, plea, compromise…everything was in a jumble.

“”

Without realizing it, Subaru had wobbled to his feet, bumping his back against the wall. He slid along the wall toward the exit, pouring his strength into leaving that place without a moment to spare.

Conversation was meaningless. No concession was forthcoming. All he could do was exhaust the limited time he had.

“I…”

They were not thoughts he consciously put into words. His voice simply tumbled out of his mouth.

“I won’t become like you. —I’m a human being. And I’m staying one.”

Leaving only those words behind him, Subaru left Roswaal’s room.

At the very end, Roswaal said nothing.

Subaru rued how pathetic he was that this brought him some small relief.

Sub-chapter 5.

Distancing himself from Roswaal’s place of repose, Subaru walked unsteadily under the moonlight.

“…What should I do?”

Trickling out was a question toward a situation with no future in sight. However much he went over it, the very same words echoed back toward him, as if no other reply was possible.

The situation was already a stalemate, but he felt that even the smallest hope, as fine as grains of sand, had been lost to him.

With this, all possibility of anyone cooperating with him had been exhausted. He could not comprehend them, Witch and devil both.

But oddly, he found Roswaal’s confession easy to accept.

“The timing of the attack being when I return to the mansion, too…”

If the assassins were acting under Roswaal’s instructions, that explained a lot. How they knew to encircle the mansion, how to invade the mansion with great ease, even the method to breach Beatrice’s Passage. Roswaal surely knew these like the back of his hand.

That was not all. It was likely this was the second time that Roswaal had hired Elsa.

“Making Felt steal Emilia’s jewel back at the royal capital, too…”

Had all of it been done knowing Subaru would intervene to save Emilia?

Everything on that day, from earnestly running about to dying three times to save Emilia, to Emilia’s smiling face and her telling him her name—had he been dancing atop Roswaal’s palm all along?

“If everything has gone according to the book of knowledge…then was Rem being robbed of her existence and the Sanctuary being sealed up…did all this happen exactly as someone predicted…?”

If that was so, had Subaru’s free will merely been an extension of a string someone else pulled?

In ensuring everything proceeded according with the prophecy, Roswaal put a stop to any developments contrary to what was recorded. If the path was crooked, he corrected it by force so that without fail, prophecy became reality—

“—Huh?”

That moment, he felt like something was…off.

Slowly, putting everything in order, he went over his conception of Roswaal’s book of knowledge. He had a definite sense that something was off. Something was nagging at him. But he couldn’t remember what.

“What? What…is wrong? Something’s…not right. Something’s wrong…!”

It was a mystery lacking an answer. It resembled the prior situation, but this was different than the dead end. This haze had a path leading forward. And he felt like this path was linked to the hope he had thought lost.

Roswaal’s book of knowledge, making its contents reality, Beatrice’s book of knowledge, the Witch Cult’s Gospels, blank pages, prophetic pages, results according to prophecy, correction, future—

“—Subaru?”

“—!”

Suddenly, a voice intruded upon that vortex of thought, making Subaru’s shoulders jump. He looked back.

Behind him, standing a short distance away, was a girl standing in the gloom, with moonlight showering down upon her—

Emilia, her silver hair sparkling as it swayed, gazed upon Subaru with her violet eyes open wide.

This unexpected encounter caused a dull ache in Subaru’s chest. But Subaru swiftly schooled his expression.

“Ah…Emilia-tan. What are you doing in a place like this? It’s already pretty late, isn’t it?”

“The same goes for you, doesn’t it, Subaru? I couldn’t sleep so I went on a stroll.”

“…That so. Ah, that’s right.”

“—?”

When Subaru nodded in acceptance, Emilia cocked her head with a mystified look.

This was not the first time he had encountered Emilia at night. On one previous occasion, he had met Emilia during a moonlit stroll and had spoken with her then. This situation surely differed from that time, but to bump into her here even so meant Emilia’s action must have been inevitable.

Subaru had been invited to the tea party, reaffirmed his bonds with Patlash, heard Ryuzu’s secret deep within the forest, learned Roswaal was the mastermind, and amid those various actions, Emilia had not been sitting still either.

That was an obvious thing, and yet, at that moment, it struck Subaru with great clarity.

“…Subaru, you’re not feeling well, are you?”

“That so? I thought I was feeling fine…”

“Liar. I can tell just by looking at you. Something happened, didn’t it? You can tell me if you like.”

Emilia walked close, seemingly examining the color of Subaru’s face as she spoke. Subaru’s supposedly smooth facade had been seen through with ease, making him truly resent his own weakness.

“It’s…my problem. I…don’t want to bother you, Emilia.”

“It’s no bother at all…”

“It’s fine, I’m all right. You’ve got bigger problems than me right now. You were pretty panicked after the Trial…are you all right now?”

“Mm, I’m fine. I’m sorry I caused you trouble back there…I’m really sorry, ’kay?”

When Subaru averted his face, desperate to avoid the subject, Emilia flashed a smile with no mirth behind it. Afraid of being hurt, he’d touched upon Emilia’s own unhealed wound—the worst thing he could have done.

Failing to notice his self-deprecating thoughts, Emilia gently touched a hand to her own chest.

“Seems like I butted into these issues without being prepared for them at all…really, it made me feel like I don’t have any resolve. I really, really want to just run away…”

“If you…if you want to run, isn’t that fine?”

“Subaru?”

Latching onto Emilia’s words, Subaru instantly tossed out a response.

Emilia’s long eyebrows jerked; she looked perplexed. Subaru glanced at her, digging his nails into his palm.

“If you don’t want to do it, what’s wrong with running away? By forcing yourself to face something you don’t want to, will you conquer it someday? Do you have to overcome it? If you see a path leading somewhere after you run that’s different from before you run…is choosing that something you should be criticized for…?”

The words poured out in a rush; he wasn’t even sure what he was trying to say.

Praised unconditionally for challenging, scorned unconditionally for fleeing—wasn’t that wrong? What good came of facing something head on if it broke you?

Even Emilia’s determination, Emilia’s will, and Emilia’s nobility were toys in someone else’s game.

“Echidna, Roswaal, Garfiel, they’re all self-centered. Stop getting jerked around by them. They’re all telling me do something. Even though I’m trying to deal with it my own way, they all complain, saying not this way, not that way—”

His emotions rising, it was then that he felt dizziness along with his senseless rage.

“”

An arm wrapped around the back of his head, pulling him forward before he had time to think. He felt something soft and hot, bringing Subaru’s breath and thoughts both came to a halt.

A warm touch pressed against him, and he realized that the gentle echo from the other side was a heartbeat. That was when he figured it out—Emilia was hugging him against her chest.

“Emi…”

“Take it slow. Take it easy. Just take it slow and listen to the sound of my heart.”

Her voice was like a silver bell, tickling his eardrums. Unresisting, Subaru did as he was told.

A pleasant, ticklish feeling on his back made his breaths grow shallow, and a hot sensation emerged from behind the corners of his eyes. His banal depression faded, washed away by a tide of much greater emotion.

For a while, he let Emilia’s heartbeats soothe his stricken heart.

“Have you calmed down?”

Emilia slowly took away her arms, freeing Subaru’s head from her chest. Facing the concern in the violet eyes before him, Subaru exhaled slightly.

“Sorry to get all flustered like that. I didn’t wanna cause you trouble like some little kid, but…”

“I’ve told you, I don’t find this troubling at all. You’re really stubborn, Subaru.”

Giggling, Emilia touched a hand to her lips as she smiled just a tiny bit. However, the smile was too strained for him to feel like smiling himself. Rather, it made him want to apologize until he ran out of words.

He didn’t want to make Emilia worry. He wanted to reassure her, to tell her it was all right.

“Really, nothing’s going right at all…actually, I was in a meeting with Roswaal just now, trying to see if there wasn’t some way to get out of here without the Trial.”

“Eh?”

“Really, it’d be best if I could just take the Trial in your place, but it doesn’t look like that’s possible. So I thought if I could at least find……sorry for being so useless.”

He lowered his head. Even though he wanted to reassure her, he had obtained nothing that could offer her any comfort.

Even after repeating Return by Death over and over, he hadn’t found even a single answer. His regrets on how he could’ve he’d done better were influenced by his memories of the second Trial as well.

Subaru’s tragedy from birth was that he was lacking, even though that, too, should never have been the case.

“But I’ll probably manage something. I’ll manage somehow, because I don’t want to make you go through hard, bad things. So I want you to trust me.”

He didn’t want to bare his weakness. So Subaru issued his declaration of war toward a darkness with nothing in sight beyond it.

He hadn’t found a way, not yet. Even so, he would not fail Emilia, or everyone e—

“—Subaru.”

As Subaru conveyed his resolve, Emilia turned her moist eyes toward him.

When he saw himself in those damp eyes, Subaru encouraged his own, pathetic self so that, within his swaying heart, at least the most important part of him would not become warped.

He would protect Emilia, overcome the Sanctuary, rescue the mansion, and save every—

“—I am happy for your feelings, Subaru. Really, I am. But I can’t accept your kindness.”

And yet, it was none other than Emilia herself who repudiated that resolve head-on.

“…Eh?”

For a second, Subaru let out a dumbfounded voice, not comprehending what had just been said to him.

Subaru was astounded, eyes completely wide. Emilia gazed at Subaru as he remained like that, piecing together the thoughts inside him word by word, trying to arrange them into a recognizable shape.

“I’m really happy you think and work so hard for my sake like this, Subaru. Really, really happy. You’re really reliable, really dependable… But I can’t let you look for a loophole or an easy way out.”

“Wh-whaddaya mean you can’t…this is just something other people forced onto you!”

“Even so, I’m the one who decided to do it. I have my own goal, and I have to work hard to achieve it…that’s why I’m here right now. I don’t want to make excuses.”

With her lips pursed tight, Emilia’s display of determination left Subaru at a loss for words.

Her resolute face glimmered, filled with a powerful will. It was not the look of a weak girl, one who could not walk down her path unless Subaru reached his hand out to her and dragged her along it.

“Besides, somehow, I get it, too. —The Trial in that tomb probably doesn’t have a shortcut or a loophole anyway.”

“”

“It’s strange, but somehow, I just know. Even if I spend more time thinking about it, if I don’t really get my heart in order before challenging the Trial, the result will probably stay the same. I get that, too.”

He could offer no words to deny her.

He’d looked for a loophole. But Subaru knew, too, there was none to be found. He knew there was no way the Witch who had set up the barrier would permit such an illogical result.

—In the first place, why was Subaru desperately trying to refute Emilia like that?

“Hey, Subaru. —Subaru, why are you trying to help me?”

“”

With Subaru hesitating amid a vortex of doubt, Emilia seemed to circle ahead as she tossed that question at him.

It was the same question she had posed once before, one that held deep meaning to both of them.

Just how much time had Subaru desperately spent so that he might tell her his answer? Just how many difficulties had he overcome so that he could convey it to Emilia?

Therefore, without hesitation, Subaru could give her the very same reply.

“I want to help you because I—because I love you.”

“—Mm, I know. I can do my best because I know.”

Touching a hand to her breast, Emilia’s cheeks reddened just a touch as she backed up a step, closing her eyes. She continued, her words infused with myriad emotions.

“So don’t think like you have to do something. Just having you watch me means I can work hard, Subaru. If you want to do something for me, if you’re willing to listen to my selfish words, then I want you by my side. I want you cheering me on. I want you there, pushing me forward.”

“Emilia…”

Emilia’s words made emotions well up inside his chest. He could not stop it, nor could he put it into words. It was difficult to comprehend, and Subaru did not know just what it was. But it asserted its existence ever stronger, seemingly trying to rob him of all thought, which Subaru, clenching his teeth, continued to resist.

“You’ve been spoiling me nonstop, so…this time, I want to try and do without. The only thing that pains me is making you and everyone worry as I fail…but I’m trying to overcome the Trial as fast as possible so that no one has to worry anymore.”

With Subaru unable to string words together, Emilia sent his way the stout smile that came over her.

It looked very beautiful.

“Please, watch over me as I do my best. —That’s what I want you to do for me, Subaru.”

Sub-chapter 6.

“”

Subaru forcefully kicked the ground, slicing through the wind. His heart remained restless. He still didn’t have a destination.

He raced down a slope with bad footing, seemingly about to take flight. Branches scraped his cheeks, leaving marks, and even as he tumbled repeatedly, he kept running so long as he had breath.

He raised an incoherent voice, screaming so much that his throat seemed ready to burst, and looking up at the sky, Subaru ran.

To the crisp, cool air, to the pale moon floating in the clear sky, Subaru cried out in shame.

—The final sight of Emilia’s strong smile was burned into the back of his eyelids.

That charming smile, and the resolve it conveyed, drove Subaru’s misunderstanding home. Finally, he realized the true nature of the urge welling up within him, charring the inside of his chest to ashes.

And because he now understood, Subaru had parted with Emilia, impulsively racing into the forest, rushing through the underbrush as if he were some kind of beast.

Deep within his chest, the emotion asserted itself, growing hotter, hotter, fiercer—this was what people called shame.

“I…I…!”

—How conceited! How prideful! How utterly foolish!

He recalled his anger at Roswaal’s words and actions for looking down upon, even pitying Emilia. He’d been indignant. He’d sworn upon his unforgiving heart, then he met Emilia immediately after, baring his thoughts to her—only to be gently rebuffed.

That was when Subaru realized it for the first time.

—That the one who believed least in Emilia’s resolve, Emilia’s determination, and Emilia’s strength was none other than Subaru himself.

He had to protect her; he didn’t want her to go through bitter thoughts or sad feelings—under the guise of such words, Subaru had decided that Emilia was incapable of doing anything.

Even while Subaru had contrived various schemes out of his desire to keep her under his protection alone, Emilia had hardened her own resolve and determination in her own, Emilia-like way, deciding to face the Trial.

In making that determination, Emilia had asked Subaru to support her more than anyone else, and yet—

—It had been none other than Subaru Natsuki who had underestimated Emilia the most.

“!!”

The instant he realized that, unendurable shame slammed into Subaru, enough to make him want to die.

And so, without giving Emilia’s determination a clear reply, he had turned his back to escape from her and her concern, fleeing into the forest with the same feet that still carried him.

Once before, Subaru had hurt Emilia in a similar attempt to monopolize her at the royal capital.

Of course, he had regretted it. Of course, he had reflected upon his sins. That was why he had returned, remaining by her side up to that point.

—And still, Subaru had made the same mistake once more.

He’d hurt himself in Emilia’s place, taking her burdens for her to pave a road for her to travel.

He hadn’t changed. He’d just become better at hiding his wounds. He’d simply discarded his pride in taking her burdens for himself. In terms of inflating himself and putting himself first in line, not a single thing had changed.

“I…I just…waah?!”

Out of breath, he lifted his head seemingly to gasp for air. That instant, he lost his balance, and his planted foot sailed into the air.

Immediately losing his balance, Subaru slid down a slope in the forest. Tumbling onto the ground, which was marred with dirt and fallen leaves, Subaru rolled and fell, spreading his limbs as he lay there on his back.

“”

With his back pressed against ground so cold, it seemed to rob him of all heat, his breathing remained ragged as he looked up above. The sky was only visible through the gaps in the forest, yet even so, he beheld the light of countless stars.

—The heavens were filled with gleaming stars, seemingly mocking Subaru, their stray comrade lying upon the ground.

Surrounded by unfamiliar constellations, puny little Subaru was melting into the night.

Fatigue suddenly pressed upon him. Once again, even more than his body, his psyche had been terribly worn down.

—Return by Death, the Witch’s Tea Party, Roswaal’s true intent, Emilia’s resolve, and his very own shame.

Too much time had passed. Limited time, the time left to him, precious, precious time was slowly ticking away.

He’d been enmeshed in a labyrinth of swirling doubts, his heart eaten away by the gloom at finding no way out. Betrayed on every level, everything had backfired and been thrown back in his face. What to do—

What should I do, what should I do, what should I do, what should I do, what should I do, what should I do what should I do whatshouldIdowhatshouldIdowhatshouldI—

“—Perhaps I can tell you what you should do?”

“—?!”

The voice from above his head made Subaru sit up with a start. There was a figure standing with his back against the night, atop the slope from which he had fallen. Slowly, the figure glided down, his contours gradually growing more definite.

“…Otto?”

“Yes, indeed. Good morning. Yes, it is I.”

“Morn…?

With that out-of-place greeting tossed toward him, the perplexed Subaru noticed it, too, albeit most belatedly.

The aura of dawn had already spread throughout the world, announcing the impending end of the night. Just how many hours had he wasted in a daze, gazing at an empty sky…?

“It is morning. So you did not even realize that fact? Serious symptoms indeed.”

“Can’t deny it…but what are you doin’ here?”

“For the moment, I shall set aside what brought me here. More important is the situation you have been placed in, Mr. Natsuki, looking like you are dreaming as you mumble things to yourself over and over.”

Ignoring Subaru’s surprise at the hours having passed, Otto placed his hands on his hips and made an exasperated sigh. Subaru wobbled to his feet, using his sleeve to wipe away the dirt on his cheeks.

Only a short time had passed since Otto had seen him at another strange place the night before. Not only had Otto seen him crying when Patlash was consoling him, but he also saw him in a place like this, covered in mud and shame.

“Is that really something to care about at this point? In the few days since I have met you, Mr. Natsuki, I have only seen you clean at the Duchess of Karsten’s manor, I believe.”

“…I’m not really feeling up to joking around. More importantly, you…”

“You have reached a dead end? You wish to know what to do? Yes, I understand.”

Prompted by Subaru’s words, Otto patted his own chest in a rather flippant manner. Subaru was taken aback by the sight of him being so carefree. But he wanted to cling to that humorous sight.

At a time like this, he didn’t mind if Otto just wanted to put him at ease. If there was even a slight chance to improve the situation, he wanted to hear it.

“Please do not rush me. All right? This requires preparation.”

“P-preparation…”

“Yes. First, take a big breath, nice and slow…”

Presenting a hand toward him, Otto indicated to Subaru that he should breathe deeply.

Subaru didn’t know what meaning it held, but he did as he was told, putting his breathing in order, closing his eyes and letting oxygen fill his lun—

“?!”

Instantly, a hard impact pummeled the side of his face, and Subaru collapsed to the ground once more.

Unable to break his fall, Subaru tumbled and fell face-first into the dirt, eyes spinning. He shook his head, lifting it, and wondering what the heck had happened; seeing Otto shaking a fist, he realized he’d been punched.

Then, as Subaru drew in a breath, Otto shook his hardened, reddened fist toward him once more and spoke:

“—Stop trying to keep up appearances in front of your friends, Subaru Natsuki.”

Sub-chapter 7.

Subaru could only gape, forgetting even the pain of being punched.

As Subaru lay upon the ground, Otto glared at him with a sharp look. Normally, he would seem pathetic, or laugh amiably, his facial expression always seeking to avert conflict with other people, but at that moment, it blazed with anger.

With fury residing in his eyes, Otto Suwen gazed down upon Subaru.

“Rather than not knowing what to do, I imagine the inside of your mind is simply all a jumble.”

“”

“I expect you are in a position where you must extend a hand to others, yet your own limbs and head are insufficient for the task, so you desperately flap your arms around, accomplishing nothing but wasting time.”

With Subaru pressed into silence, Otto threw words at him as the distance, and his patience, dwindled.

Subaru remained on the ground, immobile. He grimaced, the pain and heat of his left cheek belatedly becoming clearer, as he was unable to do anything but stare at Otto.

“I take your silence to mean you have no objections. In the world of us merchants, at the very least, such an imposition is the vilest of all conduct. —Are you listening?”

When Subaru made no reply, Otto grabbed him by his collar and pulled him upward.

“If you’re listening, then answer me!”

“—Gah!”

A sharp, hard blow struck his forehead, sending stars scattering across Subaru’s vision.

It was a headbutt. Otto had reared his head back, vigorously slamming both their brows together. His eyes were spinning. But Otto did not relent. He delivered one more headbutt, sending the wobbly Subaru reeling.

Forehead, forehead heat, pain. He reeled but did not fall. His legs came to a halt.

“Whaddaya think you’re…!”

“Oh my, knocking you back brought you to your senses, did it? The thought that you might be asleep forced me to engage in a violent manner to which I am not accustomed.”

“What’d ya say, you bastard—!”

Teary-eyed from taking a headbutt to the bridge of his nose, Subaru recklessly charged toward Otto. But Otto evaded his outstretched arms, sweeping his feet out in return. Subaru crashed magnificently to the ground.

“Just when your blood rushes to your head, you find yourself at my feet. Truly, Mr. Natsuki, there is only one word for your conduct: pathetic.”

“Is that…right?!”

Hopping up from his tripped position, Subaru hurled a handful of dirt toward Otto’s head.

However, Otto covered his face with an arm to block. With Subaru surprised that his effort to blind him had been foiled, Otto grabbed his collar and proceeded to hurl Subaru over his back, slamming him upon the ground.

The blow to his back made him lose his breath. Subaru, gasping, could not stand up.

“Gh, agh…”

“Hey, Mr. Natsuki. This is the strength you possess. It cannot hold a candle to a knight or to Marquis Mathers, let alone one such as Garfiel. Even I can do this to you.”

As Subaru desperately tried to draw oxygen into his convulsing lungs, he beheld Otto, his vision upside down as the latter walked over. Otto shook his head with an air of exhaustion.

“To even think you faced the White Whale and the Witch Cult. Mr. Natsuki, you are so weak, they could crush you with but a single finger. Surely, you too are well aware of this.”

“Haa, haa…”

“You supplement your strength with intellect, then? So far as my eyes have seen, Mr. Natsuki, you have made fervent use of the puny head at your disposal…but in terms of planning and decision-making capabilities, you certainly do not rise to a level that one could take pride in. Indeed, your common sense is quite lacking.”

What was Otto trying to say? Subaru breathed raggedly as irritation began to mix with his confusion.

The convulsion of his lungs, the impact of being punched, the pain on cheek and brow…all these were fading. Slowly, in their place, he regained the ability to think and strove to understand.

“You lack both strength and intellect. When I ponder what you might supplement these with, I can think of nothing. Mr. Natsuki, you are a puny, ordinary human being, the sort one can find on any street. And yet, you are living far beyond your means.”

“What have you…been tryin’ to say all this time…”

“I imagine that, knowing full well you are lacking with things beyond your reach, you gradually attempted to come up with various plans, driving yourself further and further into a corner…truly, I understand how Patlash feels.”

“Patlash…?”

Subaru was more surprised than perplexed at the sudden mention of his beloved dragon.

She was an excellent land dragon who was practically wasted on Subaru, and in his time of need, she had told him exactly what he needed to hear. He owed her a great deal. Otto was saying he understood her feelings.

He blinked his eyes. It was incomprehensible. Noticing his continued ignorance, Otto spoke with irritation.

“It is perfectly understandable to want to look good in front of a woman you’re smitten with. As I believe such vanity is a necessity, I respect it. While I might find fault with aiming above one’s station, let us set that aside for the moment.”

He must have meant Emilia. He must have meant Subaru’s attitude toward Emilia.

“Trying to look good in front of a girl who likes you, let us forgive this as well. This is a necessary thing. After all, I believe responsibility is shared in a romantic relationship between both the cherisher and the cherished. Showing off for the sake of someone who likes you—this, too, is important. Quite understandable.”

He must have meant Rem. Once upon a time, Subaru had spoken to Otto about Rem in such a manner.

He was striking at Subaru’s core, the treasured feelings he felt toward both girls—

“But you see, that is as far as it goes.”

Breaking off his words, Otto suddenly drew his head close.

To Subaru, who was on guard against a renewed headbutt, Otto looked like he was clenching his teeth as he continued.

“You are lacking. I am sure you understand this. You cannot do much of anything. I am sure you know this. You want to show off for the girl you like, I am sure. I am sure you want to be someone the girl who likes you can be proud of.”

“”

“Then, for the sake of those girls, to at least supplement the portions beyond what their eyes can see, surely it is fine to have someone lend you a hand? —A friend, perhaps?”

Otto pulled his face away, placing one hand on his chest and the other on Subaru’s as he spoke those final words.

They left Subaru in a momentary daze, after which he audibly pulled in a breath.

—To be blunt, Subaru’s thoughts were Wait, that…?

Subaru had once thought like that: wanting to ask for aid, to cling to someone. Of course he had.

Just as Otto had said, Subaru was well aware of his own deficiencies. That was why he’d been running around, even humbling himself, to get Echidna and then Roswaal to cooperate with him.

The results of his efforts were that he’d gained the cooperation of neither. Subaru had that unpalatable truth rubbed into his face.

Hence, Otto’s words were way off base. That path had been long closed to him.

“I tried asking people. I looked for help… But it was no good.”

In the end, the arbitrary, overbearing If I don’t protect her… feelings he’d harbored were rejected by Emilia, and he’d realized he himself had been looking down on her.

Having his expectations betrayed yet refusing to give up, he’d spent the rest of the night lamenting to the stars.

Despite Subaru’s various experiences, despite Subaru’s numerous encounters, he was neither able to advance nor retreat. Subaru was even out of dry laughter as his own shame tormented him.

To Subaru, there in quiet despair, Otto’s lips trembled.

“But…but Mr. Natsuki, I do not yet recall you ever asking me.”

“”

“Perhaps you think I am not worth asking, that it is meaningless to ask, or otherwise dismissed the notion in a similar fashion. Perhaps, Mr. Natsuki, I appear to you as one among the great throngs of people you must protect, or something along those lines.”

His voice trembled in an effort to suppress his emotions, though it only brought them into sharper relief.

This was Otto’s anger, Otto’s sadness, and only a fraction of more roiling emotions left with no place to go.

He’d hurt Otto very deeply. —Comprehending this, Subaru instantly lifted his face.

“Y-you’re wrong.”

“How am I mistaken? Otherwise, it would be very strange indeed. With what reason do you have to cower here by yourself without a single word to me?”

“I haven’t looked at you like…not telling you things wasn’t because I didn’t trust you…it’s not like that. You’re wrong.”

Shaking his head, Subaru denied it. Otto pressed him further into a corner with a wordless stare. Its power made Subaru lower his eyes, running dry on words as he desperately sought a reply.

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Otto. If anything, it was the reverse. He trusted Otto. Just how many times over had Otto aided Subaru that loop? It wasn’t about money; Otto had saved him before out of benevolence, putting his sense of obligation and humanity first. When he’d called Otto a friend, there was no falsehood behind it.

But how could Subaru speak to that very Otto about his circumstances?

“”

Instinctively, he knew. —The penalty for speaking of Return by Death remained in place.

Subaru could not divulge any information carried across the boundary of death. He could engage using fragmentary information if someone had knowledge of Subaru’s circumstances, like Echidna or Roswaal. But Otto was different. It wasn’t just Otto; Emilia, Ram, all the other people involved with the Sanctuary—Subaru could not speak to them about a single part of the unimaginable circumstances that surrounded him.

And those not knowing of Return by Death would dismiss Subaru’s words as nothing but delusions.

“I can’t explain any of it right. The inside of my mind’s all a mess…it’s a big jumble, just like you said. I can’t logically explain a single thing.”

“”

“Even if I told you, it’s all stuff no one would believe anyway… I don’t know what to even say…not to you, not to anyone, nothing…!”

“…Please, just say it.”

“—Eh?”

To Subaru, murmuring that he could not offer up proof to make anyone believe him, Otto spoke those words.

When Subaru spontaneously lifted his face, Otto crossed his arms.

“I said, please, just say it. Even if it isn’t logical, even if it is all a jumble, even if it is not in chronological order, I will listen to it all without jumping to conclusions, so please.”

“Er, but that’s…”

“This…this is what I have been talking about! I told you to stop keeping up appearances!!”

Otto howled, as if this time he had truly reached the limits of his patience. Otto’s outburst left Subaru astonished, only to find a finger pointed at his black eyes.

“This you have no proof to make people trust you, no one will trust you without proof, you cannot explain things in a proper order… I tell you, if you have the time to think up such petty excuses, it would be far healthier for you to spill out everything inside your mind than cower like this!!”

“Even if you say that… I…! Don’t have anything to make anyone believe this messed-up…!”

“—Tell me everything! Then, at the end of this messy tale, just say Believe me!! We’re friends, after all!!”

—He felt like a great many thoughts and feelings inside his mind had been torn away at the root and sent flying.

There was no basis to those words. They made no logical sense. They weren’t convincing in the slightest.

And yet, with Subaru unable to move a muscle, they had enough of something to give his back a shove.

“You might not believe me, but…”

Even though, in that halting manner, he spoke of all the issues he had been carrying alone until there was no more to tell, it did not take him all that long.

Sub-chapter 8.

“—So Roswaal’s ordering assassins to attack the mansion basically to…push Emilia and me into a corner, leaving no place for either of us to run.”

Subaru finished his explanation, heedful of the minor details for fear of violating his taboo.

All the while, Otto had been creasing his brow, silent as he lent Subaru his ears.

“At this moment in time, this’s…all the information I have. There’s nothing more to hide.”

Of course, his explanation had left out the things he couldn’t speak of: the Witch’s Tea Party and Return by Death.

As that left crucial gaps in his story, it was fair to say his explanation was chock full of holes. The logical threads connecting various pieces of information were so frayed, even he thought they sounded strange.

That was how much he was waiting with bated breath for Otto’s reaction to the explanation he had received: the reaction of the same Otto who had declared that all he had to do was just stick Believe me!! onto the very end.

Would this become hope, or turn into despair? Such worries and expectations had his eardrums on edge.

“Mr. Natsuki.”

Finally, after a long period of silent thought, Otto uncrossed his arms and spoke:

“Would it be so wrong to turn tail and run without a word to anyone else?”

“What…the hell?!”

His reply, which came from a completely unexpected angle, elicited a foul and uncouth voice from Subaru. Faced with that reaction from Subaru, Otto’s voice went shrill as he replied:

“I mean, we are trapped in a hunting ground for the Great Rabbit, escape depends on Lady Emilia breaking through the Trial, a prospect that seems doubtful; even evacuating the people not held captive by the barrier is being obstructed by an ignoramus, and even if somehow we arrive back at the mansion, there are assassins coming on the lord of the manor’s orders…just how many sins have you been committing on a daily basis for things to turn out like this?!”

“That’s what I wanna know! Why does this senseless situation have to barrel down on me like this?! I already knew, but God must seriously hate me! I hate me, too!”

If there was a God who governed fate, that deity most definitely hated Subaru, detesting him as if he were a venomous snake.

But resenting that made the situation neither progress nor withdraw, nor its level of difficulty rise or fall.

“Nah, before all that… Otto, I understand why you’re getting all worked up…but you actually believe this preposterous story?”

“”

“A horde of demon beasts way beyond ‘trouble’ is coming our way. Even if we try to run, we can’t do anything without Emilia being up to the job, Garfiel’s in the way of everyone escaping, and Roswaal’s gone insane and betrayed us… You actually believe all this?”

To any objective person, the bad situations lined up one after another constituted an unfolding nightmare. It seemed far more realistic to think that Subaru alone had become touched in the head than believe everything he said was fact.

That’s why he hadn’t even thought of divulging all this. Even Otto had to—

“Now see here, Mr. Natsuki.”

Otto raised one finger as he responded to Subaru’s question.

“In the course of my travels across many lands, I have been involved with a rather considerable number of people.”

“…Don’t tell me—you can just look into someone’s eyes and know whether you can trust them or something…?”

“No, and you should not believe in such superstitious nonsense. In my time as a merchant, I have experienced far too much firsthand of just how capable people are of shrouding their gazes in order to deceive others. It is nothing to boast of, but I have some experience with being deceived myself.”

It really was nothing to boast of, so the fact that he was doing exactly that made it hard to respond.

This conversation was too important to make light of any part of it, so Subaru pursed his lips as Otto continued onward.

“I left my parents’ home at fourteen, firmly believing in my abilities as a merchant like any other. The results of that choice were scarcely good…or rather, the unbelievable difficulties I encountered when taking chances, thinking I had a shot at winning, made for results that were quite poor, but…”

“Now just a…”

“Setting aside whether the results were fair or foul, I intend to live without regretting the decisions themselves. I am the one who placed my trust and made those wagers—something I believe I should remain well aware of.”

Between them, only Otto knew what choices he was using as the basis of his argument, but he surely meant he had engaged in some rather high-stakes financial battles of his own.

Accompanying Subaru to the Sanctuary and seeking to connect himself with Roswaal was one such idea. In contrast to expectations, Otto had been acting in a sound, realistic manner.

That was why Subaru had doubted Otto would lend his ears to such a baseless tale with scarce odds of victory…

“That is why this is a first for me, Mr. Natsuki.”

“…Eh?”

Subaru let his mouth fall open, staring as he wondered just what Otto was trying to say.

To that, Otto spoke with a stupidly cheerful look on his face. —It was a crisp declaration.

“Ignoring the odds and joining a side with no visible chance of winning…this is a first for me.”

Sub-chapter 9.

—He hurried. He was short of breath. He raised an incoherent voice.

Subaru ran across the grass, irritation in tow, seemingly chasing his own emotions as they rushed ahead of him.

He cut through the crisp, morning air, kicked the soil, and leaped over rocks, each and every stride grand and powerful.

Finally, having run in a straight line, the building that was his destination came into view. Unintentional exultation made Subaru bare his teeth. He bared his teeth and laughed.

The door practically flew when he opened it. He powerfully barreled his way into the building.

And then—

“—Roswaal!”

Racing through the entry hall and the living room, Subaru vigorously kicked the bedroom door open so hard, it seemed a wonder he did not break it.

In the room were Roswaal, sitting upon on the bed, and Ram, in the middle of changing the bandages on Roswaal’s body; both wore expressions of surprise as they watched Subaru’s arrival.

It was rare to see such expressions on either the perpetually made-up Roswaal or the usually calm and composed Ram. An unprecedented occurrence was a good omen for the sake of changing the future.

A smile gushed from him. Then, jabbing a finger straight at the surprised pair, he announced in a loud voice:

“—Let’s make a bet. You and me. And the chips will be our wishes.”

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Diamond. Diamond. Diamond.

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