Re:Zero – Starting Life in Another World – Vol. 12 Ch. 4

Re:Zero – Starting Life in Another World. Volume. 12.

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‘Chapter 4:- THE TASTE OF DEATH.’

 
Sub-chapter 1.

From the cold air pricking his skin, he had been fairly certain.

Even so, seeing that sight with his very own eye sent an unfathomable blow running through Subaru’s heart.

That was how much Subaru’s lukewarm assumptions were exceeded by the Sanctuary’s extreme cold.

“This isn’t funny… It’s still the second day…”

Grasping his own shoulders and exhaling white breath due to the cold, Subaru clenched his teeth. Without matching up his teeth, he put strength into his jaw, ignored the throbbing of his left eye, and earnestly forced his freezing right eye open.

The wind felt cold enough to slice into his body, and the powdery snow was slamming against him rather than merely falling and piling up. Both intensely robbed him of body heat, a white nightmare that killed off your vitality second by second.

—Snow was falling on the Sanctuary. Subaru knew this landscape.

“But why is it…as soon as this?”

Subaru had seen this powdery landscape before. During the go-around before last, Garfiel was on the verge of killing him when the power of the crystal teleported Subaru to that experimental facility. When he exited the facility, the world was already dyed white. —But at that time, the snow had already fallen.

That was why Subaru had not seen the snow itself as of such great importance, but—

“So the snow fell this hard…”

He ought to have guessed. In the span of a few hours, a half day at longest, the Sanctuary had been completely blanketed in snow. The tremendous snowfall in such a short time should have made its force easy to imagine.

In the present, just like back then, the cold was extreme enough that Subaru’s flesh seemed ready to freeze over.

“Any way…the settlement is this way…”

Shaking off the snow accumulating on his body, Subaru trained his mind toward the settlement, seeking to grasp the situation.

—The throbbing of his left eye made him think of the various tragedies that had occurred just before. Don’t forget, don’t forget, it said to him.

For that moment alone, he would put it on the back burner. He’d definitely have time to think about it later. For the moment, he focused on what was before him. If Subaru did not do so, his feet would stop moving. That was a certainty.

“If you’re getting this, answer me, please…”

Wiping the flickering figures from the back of his mind, Subaru felt something hard in his pocket—and drew out the crystal. Grasping this, he focused his thoughts. If Subaru was still qualified, surely she would come.

That eye, watching the Sanctuary, would respond to the desire of the Apostle of Greed—

“—Ah.”

Enveloped by wind, he did not hear any sound. But slowly, a figure appeared.

Walking barefoot over the accumulated snow, Ryuzu—or rather, a replica thereof—finally came. As one of the individuals assigned near the lab site, it might well have been Piko.

“I should’ve made some way to tell you apart from the rest…”

Perhaps at the time he’d been too stunned to wrap his mind around such a thing. Or perhaps the fact that he’d noticed it only then, when so hard-pressed, indicated weakness and aversion from reality—that was impermissible.

“Piko, I think it’s you anyway… I have a request. Guide me to the settlement. I don’t have time for getting lost.”

“”

Having been asked to guide the way, the replica—Piko—neither nodded nor replied but simply turned her back to Subaru. Heedless of the snow covering the path, she proceeded to break into a nimble run, and Subaru chased after her with all haste.

The authority that he had unwittingly obtained was still valid, but using the rights the Witch had arbitrarily granted in accordance with her expectations put him in a vexing mood. Of course, he was enormously grateful, but—

“Just how much of this did you see coming, Echidna…?”

She’d planted a Witch countermeasure into Petra’s handkerchief, and Subaru had received from her the means to make Piko cooperate with him that very moment. He didn’t understand her true intent. He did not doubt that she was cooperating with him, but still…

There was too much he did not understand. If it was possible, he wanted an answer to that nonsensical circumstance that very moment. The mystery of the Sanctuary, Beatrice’s lament—surely, Echidna had the answers to those things and everything else—

“Shit. Right now… I’ll deal with her later. This is just…!”

The tremendous snowfall smothering the Sanctuary, that world of extreme cold that seemed ready to freeze his body solid, dyed life and everything else in white.

Subaru had seen that spectacle before. He had lost his life to it, as well.

If this was like back then, if anything and everything about it was the same, then—

“—What the heck happened to you, Emilia?”

—Having apparently made it snow like this, what was she really thinking?

Sub-chapter 2.

It took Subaru’s legs over an hour before he arrived at the settlement.

With the white world already throwing his sense of distance terribly awry, Subaru’s having freshly lost one eye made the trek a terrible ordeal. Snow robbed him of body temperature, his thinking ability had decreased and become leaden, and his legs felt as slow as a turtle’s crawl.

“Even so…”

Pulling his shoes out of the snow burying him up to the ankles, Subaru murmured with numb, quivering lips.

Ahead of him, on the other side of blowing snow, he could vaguely make out a simplified stonework building. He had somehow managed to make it back to the settlement where the residents of the Sanctuary dwelled.

But what tugged at him was—there was no sign of people in the settlement whatsoever.

“There’s no lights on in the houses… Isn’t anyone inside…?”

So far as he could survey, there was no light from crystal lamps or candles to be seen. That said, amid this cold, not lighting a fire was nigh suicidal behavior. Surely, as signs of life went, the existence of fire was an absolute.

Instantly, the silence made Subaru’s intestines clench. What floated into his mind was that this was indeed the Sanctuary enveloped by snow—and from there, a terrible white monster would emerge.

Had the Sanctuary already been defiled by the attack of the Great Rabbit—

“—Hey, you’re back, ain’t ya? Dunno what stupid face ya brought back with ya, though.”

The voice leaping into his eardrums made Subaru reflexively turn around. At the end of his gaze was a figure rudely trampling through the snow—Garfiel walked casually, batting the tremendous snowfall aside. He came to a standstill at a distance of several yards right in front of Subaru, grimacing with apparent dismay.

“Ah? Seriously, the hell’s with that face? Ya dropped your left eye somewhere or somethin’?”

“A lot happened after I left… It isn’t like you to be so thoughtful, coming out of your way to welcome me back.”

“Ha! This ain’t sympathy. Besides, seems ya noticed the power that’s in the crystal, too.”

From the sight of Piko standing at his side, he’d apparently guessed that Subaru had gained command rights. The combativeness enshrouding Garfiel rose a notch higher, and the enmity stabbing into him made the pain of his left eye ooze all the greater.

But behind that strengthened pain, Subaru’s heart did not fear Garfiel’s combativeness.

It was not that the cold distracting him from the pain or some such thing—rather, the issue was the nature of Garfiel’s enmity.

“…Setting aside the being thoughtful part, it’s still true this isn’t like you. I don’t think the you that I know would just stand here casually talking with me at a time like this.”

“Now you’re creepin’ me out. I ain’t got time for your nonsense. If you’re seein’ this snow, shouldn’t need no explanation why I can’t have a chitchat with ya over tea, damn it.”

“Meaning, you have something to talk to me about that isn’t chat over tea.”

“”

With Garfiel pressed into silence, complex emotions arose in the back of his jade eyes.

He was angry. His anger was strong. But at the same time, he was afraid. When he thought about it that time around, his and Garfiel’s relationship had worsened in a way different from when he’d resorted to killing.

Garfiel’s bewilderment over Subaru’s actions, ones that calculated death into them, remained.

But that bewilderment had created just enough space for the two of them to hold a conversation then and there.

“The fact that you’re still rational and not attacking out of the blue…means that the other people are safe, I take it?”

“I dunno how far ya define other people, but our old men ’n’ women and the bunch from your village are all in the Cathedral. The noisy guy came up with the idea.”

“Otto did? He’s the one who proposed that?”

“In a situation like this, there ain’t no enemies or allies, he said. No reason to bite each other blindly. And to think he’s just some guy wrapped up in all this.”

As Garfiel clacked his fangs, Subaru nodded toward him. Amid this snowfall—no, this situation in the Sanctuary—he was internally grateful that Otto had come up with a typical good decision. Thanks to him managing to speak to Garfiel, the villagers’ safety had been assured. The remaining issue—was something he had to confirm for himself.

“—The snow. Did Emilia do this?”

—To Subaru, the question had a ring much like a bald-faced lie.

He knew the answer to the question. He did not ask it despite that because he optimistically expected to find a ray of hope. Probably he was just…frightened.

Frightened of his own conclusion: that Emilia had created this spectacle herself. Subaru’s question, posed with a voice that somehow seemed raspy, made Garfiel spit out a “ha!”

“Dunno that, either. —The Princess has been holed up in the tomb since last night, see?”

“—. Huh? Holed up in the tomb…?”

“Guess ya don’t realize that you’re the damn cause. Your disappearin’ like that hit the Princess’s heart pretty darn hard. It threw her way off, and then she went into the tomb…and she ain’t come out since.”

“That’s crazy! I mean, I left a proper letter and everyth…”

“Letter…?”

What letter? was the reply’s subtext, one that made Subaru draw in his breath.

He’d certainly slid a letter under the Ryuzu residence door. Subaru had properly written and left behind a letter saying he was leaving the Sanctuary. If Emilia had read it, she shouldn’t have been shocked to the point of making her fall into distress. Even without that letter, there was no reason for her to hide herself from others—

“…Seems like a scheme’s at work that ain’t from you or me.”

“Eh?”

“Leave that for later. Follow me. Izolte’s decision put history back on course an’ all. Annoys me to heck, but you’re the only one I can use. —We’re headin’ to the tomb.”

Motioning with his chin, Garfiel indicated for him to come along as he walked out. The great difference in power of their legs meant his kicked the snow aside, never stopping for anything. Subaru somehow caught up to him with a small run.

“The tomb, meaning…you’re gonna let me meet Emilia?!”

“Ain’t you an optimistic bastard. I ain’t letting ya meet her. I’m getting ya to get your Princess to stop this snow from fallin’. You’re goin’ inside. That’s your damned job, not mine.”

“…! Yeah, that’s fine with me. If you’re not gonna butt into me talking with Emilia, then…”

It was a brusque request, but Subaru had no objection, accepting it with grace.

Neither Subaru nor Garfiel had lost their enmity for each other. But just like when they confronted the Witch, this momentary request put them on the same page—and so they walked together for the moment.

“—Garfiel, how much did you hear from Ryuzu?”

Abruptly, as he squinted at the snow, Subaru posed that question to the back walking in front of him. The words did not make Garfiel look back. “Ha?” he snarled sourly as he said, “…I see. Ya forced the old hag to talk about the crystal’s power against her will, did ya?”

“People would get the wrong idea hearing that, but most of that chat was voluntary… Well, since the person concerned said there was compulsory power, suppose there’s reason to doubt how much was really voluntary, but…”

“Ha, I wonder. Me, I didn’t hear nothin’ from the old hag. Just you came back with one of the ‘Eyes’ with ya. Hearin’ that was enough to send me comin’ out to see it.”

“Eyes… I see, so stuff’s conveyed from Piko to Ryuzu, then.”

The tongue click mixed with an explanation made Subaru nod in acknowledgment. Glancing backward and at an angle, he saw Piko following, saying nothing in particular. The sight irritated Garfiel.

“I dunno about this Piko business, but don’t you go stickin’ names on ’em. They’re dolls without minds of their own. Ain’t no point feelin’ sorry for ’em.”

“…Like hell I can, especially when they look just like Ryuzu.”

“That’s exactly why. We’ve got an old hag. We don’t need any more. Those are fakes.”

The wording and tone of voice behind the coarse conclusion ascribed great meaning to it. Though the statement seemed harsh, to Subaru, it sounded almost like Garfiel was insisting on that to himself.

“—We’re here. Fair bit o’ snow piled up even here at the entrance, too.”

As Garfiel came to a halt, Subaru peered past his shoulder at the silhouette of the large building obstructed by a blanket of billowing snow—confirming the presence of the tomb. His breath caught just a little.

“Emilia’s inside. Knowing that, you didn’t just rush in there yourself?”

“Me, I… The residents o’ the Sanctuary can’t go in. That’s the rule. And me, I’m a resident here.”

“I heard from Ryuzu that they can’t lift the barrier, but wasn’t going in and out separate? Given the circumstances, you could’ve… Guu?!”

“Hey, stop with the long, whinin’ preamble, you bastard.”

Subaru was saying that Garfiel could have trampled on that rule and gone inside himself.

Garfiel interrupted Subaru’s words by grabbing him by the collar, slightly lifting his body off the ground, and drawing his now-clawed hand close to Subaru’s face while showing off his fangs.

“Me, I protect this place. What’s your role? It’s to protect the Princess. Galganchua second-guesses a comeback not. Or should I gouge out your right eye, too?”

Showering Subaru in ferocious combativeness, Garfiel made his gripping hand relent. Subaru lightly coughed as he glared at Garfiel. But all Garfiel did was nod with his chin.

“Go.”

No ifs or buts about it. Having come this far, that was the only word Garfiel had to offer.

Turning his back, Subaru trod on snow without a single footprint upon it, heading for the entrance of the tomb buried in white.

The only two seeing him off, watching Subaru’s back, were Garfiel and Piko, standing side by side.

—One was emotionless. The other had an indecipherable emotion welling up in the deepest depths of his anger.

Sub-chapter 3.

The cold, serene sensation of the air was unrelated to the extreme cold outside, almost as if time had stopped.

Amid the gloom, the sound of Subaru’s shoes echoed as he advanced down the corridor, asking his heart but one thing.

—That moment, was he sane or had some mental disturbance befallen him?

Already, several tragedies that could not be undone had befallen that world.

He had lost Rem, Petra, and Frederica, and he had seen Beatrice die. Returning to find the Sanctuary in this state, his striving to maintain calm could only strike him as absurd.

A man aware of that absurdity could not fail to be disturbed. There was no way he was sane.

Even so, he could not allow himself to stop thinking. He smacked away all thoughts of surrender. He had to crave a future ahead of him, above him. For that, he’d pay whatever it took, including paying with his life.

If not for that, then why was Subaru still—?

“—Subaru?”

The voice he heard from the gloom freed Subaru from what felt like a long time trapped in a cage of thought. Straight ahead, the corridor came to an end, and he could see the stonework room that gave off a faint blue glow. There stood a single figure.

Her silver hair glimmered in the faint light. Her purple eyes seemed to pull you in. Subaru did not think of those characteristics as a murmur trickled out of him.

“—Emilia.”

“Yes. That’s right, Subaru… It’s me. It’s me, Emilia.”

The four brief syllables became a name, and the fact that there was a reply crashed through Subaru like a bolt of lightning.

His knees wavered and crumpled. Perhaps others would think this grandiose. However, he could endure no more.

Fatigue, loss, despair, relief—countless sensations stuffed Subaru’s limbs with lead. Subaru had glossed over these things through willpower, but when his ears heard that voice like a silver bell, he reached his limit.

With those taut strings cut, he tumbled forward. As he tumbled, arms instantly reached out to support him.

He felt something soft and warm. The warmth of the touch from right before his eyes made Subaru’s body go rigid.

—That moment, he was being gently embraced by Emilia.

“Ah, er, sor… My body just let go…”

“”

“Emilia?”

Instead of responding to his apologetic excuse, Emilia pressed harder with her arms to make them embrace Subaru even stronger. It was by no means great strength. But somehow, he felt like she was almost clinging to him.

It immediately became clear that this was not a misunderstanding on Subaru’s part.

“—I was lonely.”

“…Eh?”

Subaru was struck numb. Her beautiful face was gazing intently at him from up close, close enough to share their breath. Adding further to Subaru’s surprise, Emilia hauntingly lowered the ends of her eyebrows as she said, “I was lonely, Subaru. —I mean, you left me and went off somewhere.”

“Th…at’s… Y-you’re wrong. I didn’t mean to just leave you like that…”

Subaru spoke awkwardly when the fact that he’d left the Sanctuary was pointed out to him. He tried to excuse it as something that should never have happened like that, if only the letter had reached her. Yes, the letter.

“The letter…that’s right. I wrote a letter. I wrote everything on it, that’s why. I really meant to tell you about everything, but…”

“Tee-hee.”

As he groped for where the precaution he’d left ought to have led, he gaped.

In the middle of their conversation in that tension-filled situation, Emilia made an adorable laugh. She laughed.

It was as if everything was normal, as if Subaru’s tongue had spun another joke during the days when nothing was happening at the mansion. —As if she had forgotten her sense of duty in regards to the Trial.

“Even without working that hard to make an excuse, I won’t get upset. Oh, Subaru, you don’t need to be so pale. You really are just careless.”

“E…milia…?”

“It’s fine. It’s all right, no excuses needed. I mean, you came back, Subaru. I always believed you would. I said, Subaru will come for me. If I work hard and properly fulfill my own duty, he’ll come and save me… That’s always, always how it’s been. Right?”

As she sweetly spoke the words, Emilia drew near to Subaru’s chest.

She had an adorable, bewitching smile, and her sweet murmurs were simply enchanting. Subaru gazed at the heat rising from her lustrous breaths and the moisture in her eyes; that witchiness was wrapping around his heart.

Then, bathed in so much passion that it made his throat feel parched, Subaru’s instincts cried out.

Wrong. Something was wrong. The ill feeling he’d had from the start of their reunion had never been revised.

Something was wrong. Something, somewhere, felt off, even though Emilia was that adorable.

Even though Emilia was that adorable as she responded to Subaru…

“C-come to think of it… I heard that you’ve been here since yesterday…”

With that ill feeling still lodged in his throat, Subaru changed the topic with the worst possible performance ability, even by his standards. At that rate, he’d drown in her sweet voice. Straw or no, he needed to grab onto something before he was fully submerged.

“You being here means you were in the Trial, right? But right now you’re…”

As he spoke the words, Subaru put his finger on one of the tips of that ill feeling.

This was the tomb, and the room for the Trial at that. The Trial definitely began as soon as Emilia arrived there. Invited to the Trial of her past, her mind would not escape until the very end.

And yet, Emilia was there awake, meaning that her Trial had ended in—

“…Emilia?”

In the middle of his question, Subaru stiffened from an unexpected sensation. It was the sensation of fingers being inserted into his black hair, gently stroking his head.

Emilia was stroking Subaru’s head. Her cheeks were red as she grinned.

“Oh, Subaru, you stroke my hair once in a while, don’t you? So I should return the favor.”

“”

“To tell you the truth, I was really scared. I was scared Subaru didn’t love me to the bottom of his heart, that he’d come to hate me. So I was scared, came here, but it didn’t work out after all… That’s why I’m truly, truly happy that you came, Subaru.”

It wasn’t an answer to his question. But Emilia was staring at Subaru with sincerity. There was nothing reflected in those eyes save Subaru; there was only Subaru and Subaru alone.

That was why—

“Stay with me forever? As long as you’re with me, I don’t need anything else—”

—In his wildest dreams, he’d never imagined how frightening the eyes of an Emilia blind with love could be.

“At first, I was really scared, you see. It was really hard. I mean, I wasn’t able to do anything right at all, and I thought, Subaru’s going to get fed up with me like this.”

“But I thought right after, this is no good. I can’t just be soft, shake in fear and let someone else take care of everything… This was really stupid of me, too, huh? I mean, I finally realized that you’ve always been taking care of everything, Subaru.”

“I remembered your words, Subaru. They’ve come up over and over till now. You’ve been telling me them ever since the first time we met. You’ve been giving me courage, urging me onward, supporting me… I remember, that you’ve said you love me…”

“I finally realized that you’ve always come through for me in really big ways. But in spite of that, you not being here made me worried; I felt like it would crush me…”

“That’s why when I saw Subaru coming to me now, I felt my chest squeezing… It got hot, too hot to endure, I thought; this might be a dream, but no, it’s not… I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I want to say anymore. Er, erm… I want to say this properly, so…”

“I’m sorry for everything up to now, Subaru. I, did a horrible thing to you. It has to be really something to have someone always thinking of you like this… I’m so self-serving. Even though I thought I want to understand Subaru more, I don’t understand you at all.”

“But it’s different now. I’ve been thinking about you all this time, Subaru. I’ve been feeling all these things. Now I want to say all the things to you that you’ve been saying to me… Mmm, I’m so sorry. This is really unfair of me. I—I need to properly say these things.”

“I need to properly…mm, properly convey them.”

“Hey, Subaru. I love you. I really love you. When I think about you, when I think only of you, I want to be with you forever. That’s what I think.”

“I’d be happy if…you think about me the same way, Subaru…”

“Eh-heh-heh. Yeah, yeah… I love you. Subaru…I really love you.”

Sub-chapter 4.

“—What, the hell do ya think you’re thinkin’, aaah?”

When Subaru stood at the entrance of the tomb, he was greeted by Garfiel’s voice, brimming with rage.

The menace of the snow had not abated. The strength of the wind blowing it had increased, mercilessly piling up the snow that progressively blotted out the Sanctuary’s original landscape. As a resident, it was natural for him to harbor anger at the spectacle. And it was unreasonable for him to not harbor anger toward Subaru as well.

—For having left the girl, presumably the cause of that snow inside, Subaru had come out alone.

“Alone, alone…alone?! What about the Princess…the half-demon?! What about the damned snow?!”

“Emilia ain’t comin’ out. She’s sleeping inside right now.”

“Sleeping ya say? This ain’t time for slackin’ off like…”

“She’s exhausted. Since last night, she’s been repeating the Trial over and over. Her body and mind are… Her mind in particular is worn down. Right now, I want to just let her rest.”

Stubbornly believing it to be the best way to break the situation open, Emilia had challenged the Trial a number of times. Unable to surpass it even so, it wasn’t hard for him to imagine her mental state as the number of those challenges piled up.

After all, Subaru had felt the same sense of powerlessness as many times as he had tasted death.

—Inside the stone room, with Subaru’s jacket over her, Emilia was peacefully asleep.

His memories of her whispers of blindly devoted love and the heat of her body’s clingy embrace were still fresh. These filled him with enough feelings of love to make the blood plasma in Subaru’s body boil and enough regret to make him want to die.

The memory of the redness of Emilia’s cheeks, the quivering of her lips, and her whispers of love to Subaru came back over and over.

No one could understand how Subaru had agonized over the prospect of falling into that softness, drowning in it, and sinking down with Emilia together.

There was no reason for anyone to blame him. This was a world that was already done for. It was a platform of bubbles set to disappear. Just who could blame Subaru for choosing comfort and pulling the curtain down over them?

“So ya left the half-demon, and the snow ain’t endin’. Ya come back empty-handed with your head down, and what, ya think I’m just gonna accept that, huh? Hey, hey, just who do ya think ya are, huh?”

Still angry, Garfiel clacked his fangs, storming his way up to the tomb. With Subaru standing right before him at the entrance, the pupils of his jade eyes spoke of danger as they narrowed.

“So what kind of excuse did ya bring to tell me, aaah?”

“—Emilia. She said that she loves me.”

“”

As Garfiel emphasized and asserted his anger, Subaru’s rebuttal was way out in left field. It was so unexpected that Garfiel could only gape wide-eyed at him.

However, he immediately bared his fangs, the notion that he was being mocked igniting his anger.

“Looks like it ain’t just the half-demon; ya just love gettin’ on my nerves, too, don’t ya! Got a lot of guts talkin’ about stupid, shitty sweet nothin’s of love in a situation like this, don’t ya, aaah?!”

Filled with heat from his swelling anger, Garfiel was making the snow touching him evaporate. His fangs made a creaking sound as they elongated, and his body, on the verge of transfiguration, swelled to twice its size.

Though his eye caught that harbinger of transfiguration, Subaru’s expression did not waver.

All he did was stare at the angry Garfiel with his right eye alone as he continued to speak.

“Emilia said she loves me. She said to me if I was there with her, it was enough.”

“Why you…”

“She said with a cute face, a sweet voice, right by my side… Enough, it was enchanting.”

“I’m sayin’, what of it?! One glance was all it took to tell the half-demon had a thing for ya! The hell does it matter now! Ya want me to crush your head in my fa—”

“—There’s no way Emilia would tell me she loves me, goddamnit!!”

“—?!!”

As Garfiel howled, Subaru thrust his face into Garfiel’s and shouted.

The explosion of emotion made even the angry Garfiel forget himself and shut his mouth. Glaring at the reeling Garfiel, Subaru’s face fell apart as he screamed.

He cast the words exchanged in the tomb, the heat from their touching, the affirmed feelings of love to the wind.

He felt their loss. There was no way he could not. He couldn’t help but regret the loss of the words, the heat, and the emotions of love he had received. But Subaru could not become deft enough to pretend to be deceived by a false gemstone.

—If he was deft enough to play the fool and call it quits, his chest would not be filled with such pain.

“Like hell she’d say that to me. Emilia telling me she loves me…relying on me, leaving everything to me, say if I’m there she doesn’t need anything else… No way in hell.”

“Th-the heck are ya tryin’ to say…”

“Telling me ‘everything’ like that… There’s no way. And if Puck was by her side, there’s no way she’d rely on me in a way like that…!”

He did not know just how much he desired to be Emilia’s number one. But he was not so self-conceited as to believe he was Emilia’s number one that very moment. Her number one, the place in which she laid her greatest trust, was the little cat spirit, even then her one and only family.

With that same Puck absent, Subaru had stepped up to serve as his stand-in, nothing more.

That confession of love, those hot fingertips, and her trembling breaths—he didn’t want to think that they were all false.

—But they were not genuine. If they weren’t genuine, he couldn’t accept them.

“Someone’s driven that girl…driven her into a corner until she ended up like that. Drove that girl’s heart into a corner enough to make a situation like this, where she has to depend on someone like me…”

“Y-you’re the one who decided to do that, damn it…! So what, she made it snow like this for payback for all her failures?! She’s sayin’ it’s me and the old hags’ ’n’ geezers’ fault?!”

As if chewing down on Subaru’s words, Garfiel brushed the snow aside and grabbed Subaru by the collar. He shoved him against the wall behind him by brute force, and an anguished groan trickled out of Subaru’s throat.

“Like I know or care what made her lash out! Bring the half-demon out! If ya can’t even do that…”

“Bring Emilia out and make it stop snowing…? No can do. I mean…”

“Ya mean what?!”

“—I mean, it won’t help because Emilia’s not the one making this snow fall.”

Subaru’s confident declaration made Garfiel’s grip on his collar relent.

With Garfiel gazing straight at him with a dumbfounded look, Subaru continued.

“The situation’s all wrong. The snow and Emilia… If she was holed up in the tomb, the timeline for making the snow fall is all messed up. If Emilia did make the snow fall, what’s her reason?”

“Th-that’s…payback against me, the old hags, and geezers…”

“Why would Emilia want payback against you? That’s just weird. You hold animosity for Emilia right now because the snow’s falling. The snow, being backed into a corner… The timing doesn’t match up.”

The situation had been warped from the beginning. He could only think that someone had set it up that way.

Someone in the Sanctuary was controlling the situation, hiding Subaru’s letter, inducing Emilia to hole herself up in the tomb, and stirring up Garfiel’s anger against her.

And as for who that someone was—he had a single guess.

“When it comes to people who can make it…who can control the weather, I have two suspects only. But Emilia can’t do it. Without Puck here, she can’t do something on that scale.”

“You’re sure of that…?”

“…A deduction with my own optimism mixed in, I suppose. I want to believe it, that’s all. Even if she’s desperate, Emilia’s not the kind of girl who can do something like this. That’s just what I want to believe.”

“Just want to believe…”

Subaru’s repeated pleas made Garfiel close his eyes and sink into thought. But his internal conclusion was soon in coming. Garfiel removed the hand gripping the collar, freeing Subaru from his grasp.

When Subaru’s feet touched the ground, he lightly stroked his throat and nodded toward Garfiel.

“—Where’s Roswaal?”

“The bastard’s in the old hag’s house. Ram was supposed to go there and get ’im, but…can’t expect much from her at a time like this.”

When one searched for suspects fulfilling the same conditions, only one name fit the bill of a mastermind. Garfiel had easily accepted the notion, perhaps because doubts about Roswaal had been growing inside of him as well.

“Ram’s…”

“Shaddap. Even against the girl I’ve fallen for, what I gotta do don’t change.”

If Roswaal was the mastermind, the loyalties of Ram, his faithful retainer, came into question as well. With a low growl, Garfiel’s statement interrupted Subaru voicing his concerns about that.

Subaru envied that resolve. Unyielding before the possibility the girl he’d fallen for might prove his enemy, he had the heart of steel Subaru wished he had.

Besides, setting Roswaal aside, it still wasn’t clear where Ram stood in Subaru’s book.

Going by his relationship with Ram to that point and her actions during those repeated worlds in the Sanctuary, he had a deduction that bordered on hope, but—

“—Hearing the answer is the last thing on my to-do list in this world.”

Subaru murmured that quietly, so that the spirited Garfiel might not hear it.

Sub-chapter 5.

“My, my, it is quite rare to see such faces put together with such interesting tiiiiming, is it not?”

Roswaal smiled amusedly at the unexpected arrival of his guests.

His heavily wounded body wrapped in bandages, Roswaal was lying sideways on his bed in the room allotted to him, his face bearing the makeup of a clown as per usual—and before this man they had eyed as the mastermind stood Subaru and Garfiel side by side.

The expressions on both their faces were fairly severe, and anyone inside the room could tell that a palpable sense of tension was filling up the room. In spite of this, Roswaal was calm; if anything, he was in a rather good mood as he spread both hands apart.

“So a pair of youths have come to cart off a heavily wounded man during such a tremendous snowfall… Although I must somewhat question your choice of personnel. Judging from that left eye, you are quite a gravely woooounded man as well?”

“Cut the taunts, Roswaal. This guy and I both know darn well that’s the kind of guy you are…but under certain circumstances, whether that’s allowable changes. Like now.”

“Seeing the two of you standing side by side, such words become truly persuaaasive…”

Saying this, Roswaal shifted taunting eyes toward Garfiel, standing right beside Subaru. He, standing in front of the room’s entrance to seal it off, crinkled his nose sourly.

“Like he just said. Changes with the circumstances. Me, if I don’t find out for sure who’s my enemy and who ain’t, I won’t know who to grind into mincemeat.”

“What a barbaric thing to say… In the end, Garf is Garf, I suppose?”

As Garfiel made a low growl, Ram, standing in a corner of the room, sighed toward him. Just as they’d figured at the tomb, she was indeed waiting at Roswaal’s side, even amid that snowfall.

And from the very fact she was there, Ram was a partner in Roswaal’s schemes—perhaps not all of them, but there could be no doubt she shared in part of them. The problem lay in the true intent behind those schemes.

Just what was Roswaal’s objective, and why was Ram cooperating with him?

“Don’t butt in, Ram, not this time. Me, I don’t wanna turn my claws against ya.”

“Should there be rudeness toward Master Roswaal, Ram will stand before him. It all depends upon you, Garf.”

“Calm yourselves, both of you. That of course goes for Garfiel, but you too, Ram. For the moment, do as he says and be silent. —Those are words that should be saved for the proper moment.”

“He has spoken. Be grateful for Master Roswaal’s benevolence.”

With a haughty, audible snort, Ram took a step back, suspending her role as attending servant. Garfiel went “Keh,” clicking his tongue as he said, “Puttin’ Ram aside, me, I’ve got no reason to listen to your words and calm down or anythin’ like it. Watch how ya talk to me. Dependin’ on what ya say, my claws might end up turned against one of ya.”

“Can you stop including me as a potential target for violence like it’s supernatural? Geez, you’re still doubting me?”

“Ya’ve got your own mountain of suspicious things to spare, damn it. Witch-smellin’ lunatic.”

They harbored suspicions toward the same person but whether they shared comradery was a different issue altogether. Subaru didn’t trust Garfiel on all fronts, either. They both had claws pointing at each other.

Then, upon the exchange between the pair, Roswaal closed one eye, the world reflecting in his yellow pupil as he said, “Setting a bedridden man like me aside, you should not look upon good Subaru too lightly, Garfiel. If the two of you clash, it is by no means guaranteeeed that the odds of victory are invariably in your favor.”

“He’s missin’ one eye. How could he win? Ya got holes in your eyes? If he heard all the fights I’ve won, he’d be smacked senseless.”

“Is that so? If the proper conditions were aligned, I do not think his chances of victory are quite so poooor…”

As Roswaal narrowed his eye, Subaru could only agree that he must have a hole in it. Since being summoned to that other world, Subaru’s individual combat exploits were limited to one victory by three surprise blows.

Of course, it was futile even trying to compare Garfiel to three punks in a back alley.

“—!! Enough of this! I didn’t come ’cause I wanted to talk about crap like that! Are ya both asleep?! The old hags are out there, shiverin’ and waitin’!”

To cut off that futile line of conversation, Garfiel stomped the heel of his shoe onto the wooden floor. As the impact sent wood dust spreading within the room, Subaru closed his eye to the angrily snarling Garfiel.

Garfiel was right to be angry. Subaru had left Emilia at the tomb. Surely everyone present knew there was no time for taking it easy.

Accordingly, Subaru took a deep breath, opening his right eye. Catching Roswaal in his field of vision, he—

“You’re the one who made the snow fall here in the Sanctuary, aren’t you, Roswaal?”

—cut straight to the heart of the matter.

“”

Roswaal was silent in the face of Subaru’s question. But the smirk vanished from his lips.

He’d caught a glimpse of the true face under the mask of makeup that he’d kept up until the moment prior. Coming from him, that was more proof than anything that Subaru was on the money.

A silence fell for a time, and the only sound reverberating inside the room was that of the wind and blowing snow smacking the window. That silence, in which not even the sounds of breathing could be heard, seemed to course for eternity—until it abruptly ended.

“Subaru.”

After his name came up, gazes turned toward him, and Subaru waited in silence for what would follow.

With Subaru taking that posture, Roswaal left a pause before he continued. “—You heard that from me, I take it?”

Subaru did not understand what the question meant.

Subaru had anticipated a number of responses from Roswaal. Excuses, being shaken, attempts to gloss things over, violence—but this result was different from everything he’d surmised.

Naturally, faced with a question he did not understand, he could not even imagine what answer was being sought.

“Mm-mmm… I see. I see. I seeee…… How disappointing.”

Facing the suspicion swirling in Subaru’s black eyes, Roswaal nodded, his face giving an answer that went far beyond words. From his sunken face and voice, it was immediately clear that this was not the answer he yearned for.

The sight threw Subaru off. It felt to him like the man known as Roswaal—despite being heavily wounded, face pale—had literally fallen from his standpoint and clear through the realm of normal men. But—

“—Ya ain’t gonna deny it, are ya?”

The angered Garfiel paid no heed to the change in Roswaal. To him, the important thing was not Roswaal’s sentiments but the identity of the culprit behind the menace assailing the Sanctuary.

Faced with that blame, Roswaal seemed numb to it, letting a heavy sigh trickle out.

“I could assert my innocence, but you are hardly one to politely accept that at this juncture, yes? You came here because you possess more than adequate reasons for doing so. Should I not pay this the proper respeeeect?”

“Respect! Respect, huh?! Ha, well ain’t I grateful. Milkiss had no line of retreat! Maybe it’s high time I paid that excess of stupidity proper respect, yaaah?!”

To Roswaal, who acknowledged the suspicions against him, Garfiel unleashed a sharp exhale and stepped forward. In the cramped confines of the room, it was only a few paces from the entrance to the bed. He easily closed the distance in a single second. Riding that momentum, Garfiel moved to grip the self-possessed Roswaal’s throat.

Was restraint really going to hold back strength whipped up by anger? Fearful of this, Subaru tried to raise his voice. But faster than Subaru could speak, a figure circled in front of Garfiel and spoke up.

“—I told you, Garf. I shall permit no rudeness toward Master Roswaal.”

Now directly in front of the outstretched arm, Ram pushed out her modest chest, blocking its path with her body. For an instant, the prospect of hurting someone he cared for made anger and hesitation rise up in his eyes and then some form of determination.

Guessing that this determination was, in truth, the will to remove even Ram from his path, the color of Subaru’s face changed. In fact, in a previous loop, he had seen Garfiel take Ram’s life once already—

“Ram. You are truly a fine servant.”

—Accordingly, Subaru’s reaction to that sentence was thoroughly late in coming.

Wary of Garfiel’s violent actions and concerned for Ram’s safety, Subaru knitted his brows, perplexed. There was nothing odd per se about the sentence just now. Just as he stated, Roswaal was praising Ram for her attempt to defend her master.

That wasn’t the problem. Roswaal, lying on his side on the bed last anyone checked, was not trying to get up. He was not glaring at Ram and Garfiel, either.

But Subaru felt like something strange had entered his eyes. Not finding a reason for why he was getting a bad feeling, Subaru’s bewilderment deepened his irritation as he desperately groped for some kind of answer.

And finally, that ill feeling took tangible form.

“”

Huh, the heck? There’s a person’s arm sticking out from Garfiel’s back…

He could see a human arm, complete with five wriggling fingers, thrusting through the center of his torso and out his back.

“Go-fu…!”

Garfiel’s body shuddered greatly, seemingly moving while time had stopped.

The back of his vest was dyed by a creeping vermilion as his knees buckled, crumpling then and there. When Garfiel’s knees hit the floor, the arm vanished from his back. Instantly, blood gushed out from the wound that it had been plugging.

“—Eh?”

As Garfiel went down on his rear, Ram and Roswaal were looking down at him.

And as Ram watched Garfiel collapse in a pool of blood, coming out of her chest was…

“Ros…”

“I have not reneged on my promise. I offer this soul to you.”

When frailly, Ram attempted to call out his name, Roswaal interrupted her, speaking those words in an exceedingly gentle voice.

From behind, he preciously embraced Ram’s thin body, softly stroking her pink hair with his left hand. Ram seemed entranced by his touch, her cheeks reddened as a charming smile came to rest upon her face.

—From the corner of the lips forming that charming smile came out a delayed spill of fresh blood.

Of course it did. Her chest had been run straight through from the back.

“”

The spectacle made Subaru recall another he had seen up close. The sight of Beatrice impaled was superimposed over that of Ram.

The arm was pulled back. Without anything to support it, Ram’s body tumbled forward. It was Garfiel who caught her, profusely bleeding himself. The blood-ridden pair embraced each other.

“Gah… Ros…ra, mm… Ram, Ram, Ram, Ramramramramrammm…!!”

In an instant, a heart governed by hatred was smashed to pieces by the sight of wounds on the his beloved.

Calling out the name of the girl in his arms, Garfiel let up a bloody roar as his arm emitted a pale light. Subaru discerned that the flowing energy, enveloped by vivid luminescence, was healing magic.

But that fact was inconsistent with what he was seeing, and more than that, the dizzying situation had thrown his thought process awry.

His impression of Garfiel was that he was wholly unsuited toward using any magic, let alone healing magic, but to pull it off instantly at a juncture like that displayed considerable mastery of healing techniques.

Despite bearing mortal wounds of his own, he put everything aside, pouring all his strength into healing Ram.

All of it was beyond Subaru’s expectations, so far beyond his imagination that he was unable to move a single foot.

“Gah-ah-aaahhh…!”

Employing healing magic, the snarling Garfiel’s flesh bounced, enlarging much like a pulsing vein.

Golden fur covered his exposed flesh, his sharp fangs creaked as they began to lengthen, and his body, which Subaru had guessed was on death’s door, was instinctively urging him to transfigure in order to avert that death.

If he transformed into a giant tiger, it might well save his own life. However, if that happened, his healing would be interrupted. Ram would die. His rational mind rejected that, clashing ferociously with his survival instincts.

If he stopped healing their wounds before he transfigured, there still existed some chance both of them might survi—

“—It would be troublesome to let you transfigure, yes?”

Roswaal took a single step forward. His right leg bent and then lashed out.

With a vividness that made it impossible for Subaru to tear his eyes away, wind entwined around his bent leg as it scored a direct hit to the back of Garfiel’s skull—causing a heavy sound, much like that of an egg cracking, rupturing his target and smearing that blond hair with such ease it didn’t seem real.

“—ll.”

With his skull half-smashed, Garfiel lay on his side, glaring at Roswaal with his one remaining eye. In a twist of fate, he and Ram fell together almost as one, both lying powerlessly on the floor.

Garfiel was dying, and in his arms, Ram did not move a muscle, either, a thin smile still on her lips.

No healing magic existed that could be effective on people with dead faces like this. None would even activate. By the time Roswaal drew his arm out, Ram’s life had already been lost, for her heart had been destroyed.

Not realizing this, Garfiel struggled to save her, but that was as far as it went.

“Even I would find it extremely difficult to weave magic without Garfiel noticing. Accordingly, for but a brief moment, I relied upon means that are heretical for a magic user.”

Wiping his bloodstained hand and foot with the sheets, the Roswaal that had murdered the pair turned toward Subaru.

During that entire time, Subaru had stood rooted to the spot, unable to move a step, unable to speak a word.

Inspecting Subaru, Roswaal narrowed his eyes before shrugging his shoulders with a casual air as he spoke again.

“Now then—in accordance with the vow we have exchanged, let us speak, Subaru Natsuki.”

Sub-chapter 6.

Subaru stood in a daze amid that incomprehensible scene.

Ram had sunken into a pool of blood; Garfiel had lost his life from his skull being crushed. As the two lay atop each other, Roswaal—he who had murdered both—stood astride their corpses, calmly gazing Subaru’s way.

The incredible physical feat he had witnessed left Subaru unable to even speak. Realizing that Subaru was gawking, Roswaal stared at Subaru with his yellow eye alone as he said, “To believe a magic user cannot engage in unarmed combat is to fall prey to prejudice, you seeee. It is the sort of pitfall even Witches are known to miss. You should remember for future reference.”

Perhaps he meant it as honest advice, but Roswaal’s lecture, made with a raised finger, left Subaru horrified.

Certainly, he was shocked. That Roswaal’s unarmed combat technique was eye-catching was the simple truth. Comparing that shock to what he felt at seeing the pair’s sudden deaths was difficult.

And yet, he could not comprehend how Roswaal could smile pleasantly, not letting it bother him.

“Wh-why…?”

“Mm? Why what?”

“Why did you kill th……? Why did you kill Ram…eh? Even Garfiel’s…”

“Because Garfiel was an impediment to speaking with you. I did a terrible thing to Ram…but her cooperation was indispensable for getting Garfiel out of the way. Had she not created an opening, even my odds of victory would have been quite poor.”

“—Huh?”

Shrugging his shoulders like it was no big deal, he came right out and plainly confessed his murderous intentions. The contents flew into Subaru, sailing right over his sentiments of anger, drawing out an unconscious breath.

It was an absurd answer for an absurd situation. It was an absurd comment about an absurd fate. What the hell was going on?

“An unexpected reaction. The Subaru that I know is a boy who would see nothing beyond this situation, fly into a rage, and even try to grab hold of me. —Am I wrong, Subaru Natsuki?”

“What are you trying to say? You’re a shitty, psychopathic bastard… There’s no way in hell I can…!”

“Forgive me or the like? You do not require language such as that. You should be more honest in facing your own heart. That is the ‘you’ I desire, the ‘you’ that I have always, alwaaaays desired.”

“—!! Stop, looking at me with that eye! The hell! The hell is wrong with you?!”

During those words, Roswaal had continued looking at Subaru with his left eye alone. The intent gaze of that lone yellow iris made him feel queasy, like something was clawing at the core of his psyche. Hence, his voice had gone ragged.

“You murdered two people! And that ain’t all! I’m not talking about just this! Before, that’s right, before when you were talking about the Witch Cult, too! You’ve been giving me the slip over and over—”

“—Over and over. Yes, over and over, Subaru.”

Subaru shuddered, feeling an awful chill, almost like a wet fingertip was stroking his spine.

Subaru had given in to his violent storm of emotions, venting about all the things that had been agonizing him to date. The expression that Roswaal trained upon Subaru was exceedingly out of place.

He was smiling. The sides of his face were cracked by his thin lips, and Roswaal wore that pleasant expression full of welcome, the grin of a demon, as he kept staring at Subaru.

This was not sarcasm or anything of the sort. He felt genuine delight at seeing Subaru’s demeanor. All Subaru could feel for that flow of incomprehensible emotion was disgust. He feared it, for it was something he absolutely could not comprehend.

As he peered into Subaru’s trembling eyes, Roswaal made what seemed like an affectionate nod.

“Very well. Since you do not understand, I, someone who assumes he understands, have decided to arbitrarily enlighten you; specifically, I’ll tell you the reason why you, despite witnessing the deaths of these two and now confronting me, the one who slew them both, are not acting out of emotion.”

“”

“It’s quite simple. —You are not sad about their deaths. You are surprised. However, you are not sad. That is why you have not hurled yourself at me in anger.”

—It really was the arbitrary statement of someone who assumed they understood.

What do you understand! As if I’m not sad that they’re dead! I’ll kill you!!

Inside Subaru’s heart, one phrase after another floated up, all candidates for what he should shout in response. They were countless.

In truth, Subaru had multiple violent emotions swirling around inside of him. They cried for him to chew out the clown with the all-knowing face.

Anger, despair, grief, shock—his emotions were ready to make him explode and say those things at any moment—

“—It is because you do believe these things can be undone, is it nooooot?”

“—?!!”

The blow made his blood freeze. Subaru went rigid, feeling like his heart had been clenched.

It was not a metaphor. He truly felt like his heart was in a death grip. The impact was simply that great.

Whatever Roswaal meant by it, his statement’s wording was all too close to Return by Death. The Witch’s court was strict and severe. That very moment, the world might stop and those black arms emerge to impose their sentence. Or perhaps the arms would be insufficient, and the Witch might descend once more, drinking the Sanctuary dry—

“…Not…coming?”

“This wariness… I see. So you and that have exchanged a pact. In light of that, I can now accept how you came to so many of your words and actions to date. She is quite a mean one.”

“Accept, you say…? No, before even that, you…!”

Subaru’s face went pale as Roswaal put a hand to his chin and nodded. There was no mistake: Roswaal’s statement that moment had most certainly touched upon the taboo at Subaru’s core—

“You…you noticed what’s been happening with me…?!”

“To explain, it is likely faster to show you than to tell you.”

“Wait! That feels like you’re just giving me the slip aga—”

When Roswaal turned around and headed toward the bed, Subaru tried to close the distance. However, he hesitated to touch the pool of blood at the tips of his toes—and the corpses of Ram and Garfiel within.

During that time, Roswaal arrived at the bed. He reached a hand under the pillow, groping under it, and—

“…Wait, don’t tell me that’s—?”

“A Gospel? Rest at ease. This is not any such knockoff but one of the only two genuine articles.”

When he lifted what was in his hand, Subaru recalled hearing similar words from Roswaal before. When the topic had come up previously, the man had stated that these were the real deal, that only two volumes existed, and that one was in Beatrice’s hands. As for the other—

“So you had it…!”

“It would seem you require no explanation as to the book’s contents. It would also seem you do not require an explanation of who possesses the other, either. In that case, you require no further answer to your query, I take it?”

“”

As the black-bound book held his attention, Subaru heard a very loud ringing in his ears.

When he concentrated, working to match what he was seeing with his memories to date, he found his proof. Leaving the reality of the present behind, overusing his brain to the point of meltdown, he finally arrived at a meaningful conclusion.

In Roswaal’s hand rested the second book of knowledge. This tome prophesized the future, and just like Beatrice, whose blank book had reinforced her isolation across four centuries, Roswaal too had read the book’s contents over and over—

“From the look of you, it would appear that Beatrice somehow fulfilled her duty.”

“—. Duty? Duty, what do you know about her…?”

The interjection brought his thought process to a temporary halt. As it continued the work of verifying background information, the sense of loss etched into Subaru’s chest made him flare up at Roswaal for the sake of the girl at the center of that pain.

Did this man know the true feelings of Beatrice, the girl who had cried out in such loneliness?

“Didn’t you know about what she was going through?! Always bound to that room, always clinging to a promise from a long time ago… Didn’t you know about her tears?!”

“Of course I knew. To me, she is someone I have known since the time of my birth. The sense of desolation she harbors within her chest, her desire to move on… These are things I have always known.”

“—!! Then…”

“I hope you do not say, Why did you do nothing about them? or the like. Do you know what that girl desires someone do to relieve her sadness? You have heard her plea, have you not?”

Skewered by Roswaal’s sound logic, Subaru’s heart reeled, like it was spitting up blood.

It was the truth. It was very much the truth. Subaru had heard Beatrice’s plea. He’d reached out to her, wanting to save her. His hand had been rejected, his voice had failed to reach her and in the end, Beatrice’s life had been taken by a vile blade.

The power and the knowledge to heal four centuries of isolation was too much to hope for from Subaru.

Going back in time, using his means of redoing things, Subaru could create a “final” chance to exchange words with Beatrice any number of times. —But how should one heal four centuries of sadness?

He couldn’t turn back the clock on the four centuries of time Beatrice had spent in the archive of forbidden books.

“—Though I must envy her.”

Almost as an afterthought, the murmuring voice crept its way into Subaru’s battered eardrums.

Unable to believe what he just heard, Subaru lifted his face, staring at the mouth Roswaal had used to speak the words. But Roswaal did not notice his gaze, and together with a vague sigh, he carried on.

“Beatrice was able to vanish, granting her long-cherished desire. That is the meaning behind the fact that you are here, am I riiiiight?”

“Long-cherished…desire? A-are you?! Are you trying to tell me dying like, like that was her long-cherished desire?!”

“That was the girl’s wish. Whatever end each person hopes for is not something others should belittle, and her desires were her own. It is impermissible to sully that girl’s demise, for you and for me.”

“You killed Ram and Garfiel, and you get to say that to me?!”

As Subaru shouted in anger and raised his finger in accusation for the slaughter, Roswaal shook his head side to side. It was as if to say, And were your own actions so noble that you can act so high and mighty?

Subaru had heard Beatrice’s plea, her lament. And yet, why was Roswaal, the man who had done nothing for her, able to put on that face like he understood Beatrice?

—After all, there was no sympathizing with Beatrice’s wish, her plea for death. That wish was not what she had wanted at all.

—If it was, then why had Beatrice shielded Subaru in the end?

“Like I said, I envy her. —After all, it would seem that my long-cherished desire shall not be granted.”

“—?”

Until that point, Subaru had been unable to comprehend a single word out of Roswaal’s mouth. There was only chaos in his mind.

But even so, what he just said left a particularly strange and queasy feeling in Subaru.

Granting a long-cherished desire. Fulfilling a wish. These felt wrong, discordant. As for his wish—

“What…do you want, then? What the heck is your wish? Why—why do all this…?”

“I shall not speak it. I have a vow to uphold, much like you. What has come out of my mouth so far is the greatest concession I am capable of giving you. But allow me to say this.”

“”

“I always do my utmost, always acting in the best interests of my long-cherished desire. My various schemes, blasphemies, aid, and support are all for its sake. I have never once turned my back on that.”

Blatantly, boldly, and proudly, Roswaal affirmed every last one of his own actions to date.

How could he say it with a straight face like that, shamelessly, brazenly? Pitch-black anger welled up in Subaru.

For Subaru’s part, his anger seemed selfish, if not wholly disconnected from the contempt for the feelings and emotions for which he had come so far. But he couldn’t help himself.

“What best interests?! Never turned your back on that, my ass! You…you too, it’s that book, huh?! You’re acting according to what’s written in the book, aren’t you?! Are you gonna tell me the same things that Beatrice did?! That what you’ve done until now, that what you’re doing in the Sanctuary is all…!”

The first run when Subaru had discovered that book, Beatrice had told him she was doing everything as written within. That had been a lie. This time around, Subaru had learned her book was filled with blank pages.

So what about Roswaal’s book, then? Was the future accurately detailed therein?

“Is this snow according to the book, too?! Did the writing in the book tell you to make the snow fall? What the hell for?!”

“That should be obvious. —To isolate Lady Emilia.”

“—H…uh?

“I suppose I must repeat myself. Making the snow fall like this inflicts harm upon the residents. This isolates Lady Emilia, causing her to fall into an unstable mental state. Without this snow, she would not, yes?”

Roswaal’s conclusion accurately described the state of Emilia, left behind at the tomb, as if he could see it for himself.

The situation had advanced precisely in accordance with Roswaal’s prediction. But the issue was not the effects. Subaru did not comprehend the meaning behind the thought process of Roswaal’s that had arrived at such an extreme.

With Subaru perplexed, Roswaal spread his hands out a little.

“This is a land connected to a Witch, and Lady Emilia is in the position of confronting the Trial to liberate the Sanctuary. For a great, unseasonable snowfall to arrive out of season in a place she is located…one can imagine what would happen?”

“Wh-why, you…”

“At a time like this, Garfiel’s lack of guile proves most useful. His suspicions would naturally jump straight to Lady Emilia, blaming her with a loud voice. This is where the memories of the people of Earlham Village would come into play. They know of the wave of localized cold that Lady Emilia…well, more precisely, the Great Spirit, can trigger.”

Roswaal’s statement made a chill run through Subaru. The “wave of localized cold” he spoke of referred to the sight of out-of-season snow occurring alone in the environs of Roswaal Manor.

It was a fun, peaceful time between the people of the mansion and the villagers. Roswaal was using that memory.

—In point of fact, every last thing had gone in accordance with Roswaal’s scheme.

Garfiel had suspected Emilia, and his voice propagated that suspicion through the residents of the settlement. The people of Earlham Village would want to believe in her. But they had memories that associated snow with Emilia.

It was Emilia who had made the snow fall—and every plot of soil in that land, that world, carried a reason to pin every crime upon her, regardless of who might have committed it.

This was the demon named Prejudice, which had caused Emilia so much suffering over many years.

“And do what by isolating Lady Emilia, you ask? Lady Emilia is truly a weak person, you see. It is by no means mysterious for her to entrust herself to the hands of ‘someone’ who can accept her… And if that someone wished to support Lady Emilia with every fiber of his being, all the better.”

“Wait, wait…wait, wait, wait, wait…!”

As Roswaal continued his confession, the words triggered an instinctual fear, prompting Subaru to raise his hands.

He felt like at that moment some preposterous tale, some outrageous fact, was being spoken to him.

As if that moment, he had heard Roswaal’s true intent, and having heard it, there was no going back—

“Once Lady Emilia depends upon you, you shall never push her away. Of course not… You love her, after all. If your beloved Lady Emilia entrusts everything to you, you will be unable to brush her aside.”

“That’s not…”

No. It can’t be true.

That very moment, the present Subaru had resisted giving in to Emilia when she had clung to him back at the tomb. He had come this far after enduring it. Knowing that those were not Emilia’s true feelings, he could not allow himself to drown in feelings of love that were a pale substitute for the real—

“Not today is surely your answer. That is an unfortunate development for me. It would seem that the current you is overly invested in extraneous things.”

“Extraneous…? Wait, this is why you did something to my letter…?”

“—Letter?”

Suspicion slipped into Roswaal’s question to himself. Though he knit his brows, he immediately cast that suspicion aside.

When Roswaal stepped forward, taking a single step into the pool of blood, Subaru’s body subconsciously flinched back. Roswaal, shaking his long arm, flashed a lonely, pained smile at Subaru’s reaction and said; “The current you is insufficient to bring about the future indicated in the text. Any discrepancy with that recorded requires a correction.”

“You plan to kill…me?”

“Killing you would be putting the cart before the horse, would it noooot? I would be inconvenienced were you to perish. I mean, I simply must have you seize the next opportunity, no matter what might befall you.”

“—Eh?”

For an instant, the words Roswaal said as he approached threw Subaru for a loop. But he immediately grasped what the words meant and, at the same time, recognized their variance with the facts.

Based on some kind of notation in the book of knowledge, Roswaal had caught on to Subaru’s looping. However, he did not know that death was the trigger to activate Return by Death.

Accordingly, Roswaal believed he could not kill him until Subaru activated the looping of his own free will. If it was like that, he had a chance to w—

“—I shall not kill you. However, I can do anything to you besides that. Am I wrong?”

The next instant, Subaru was struck by a blow that seemed to go straight through his solar plexus, slamming him into the wall.

“G-ahh…”

“Considering how our relationship will develop after this, I would not consider this course of action to be suave of me. Did I use the term correctly?”

“Goaa! G-gyaaa!”

Driving his fingernails into the fallen Subaru’s flank, Roswaal cocked his head like this was any other regular moment. Rather than the force of his kick, he was using precise gouging at weak points to meticulously increase Subaru’s suffering.

And as Subaru writhed in intense pain, Roswaal rained more one-sided acts of violence upon him with punches, kicks, and sometimes a stomp to the head, causing tears of blood to flow out of his left eye cavity once more.

But he didn’t die. Therefore, there was no Return by Death. The looping did not occur.

“…I have done all this, and still you will not try again? You are quite obstinate.”

“I… I—I…”

“Ahhh, or is this already after you have made another attempt? Now that I think of it, I have no method of recognizing whether you have done it or not. Quite the miscalculation.”

The pitying look Roswaal directed toward Subaru was a spiteful sight indeed. But what tugged at his chest even more than that, something that always had, spilled out of Subaru’s mouth.

“Ros…waal… Y…you talk like I’ve tried again a whole…bunch of times…”

“Oh my? This is becoming a rather important discussion? Do tell.”

“I’m…the one asking you… What’s…with you…acting…planning on the premise that I…that someone else…can redo things? Do you actually…?”

Finally, the terrible premonition that he’d dragged around with him all that time coalesced into a tangible suspicion.

—And that suspicion was that Roswaal had a way to inherit memories.

Just like Echidna, inside the tomb, who spent her time cut off from reality in her castle of dreams, did Roswaal also inherit memories of a prior world even after Subaru Returned by Death?

For if not, Subaru couldn’t make sense of his plan that hinged on redoing things.

“If that’s so…that’s fine. But if that’s really what it is, then I can’t…”

Can’t forgive you. If they had both inherited those memories, their relationship could be extended no further.

Roswaal had committed a great many heresies for the sake of an objective unknown to Subaru. This was not limited to the current run but was this man’s policy for every time moving forward as well.

If that was so, the optimal future Subaru was aiming for and his goal were—

“—It would seem that the conversation is at an end…”

However, as Subaru’s broken words trailed off, Roswaal turned his head toward the room’s window. Then, in the corner of the fallen Subaru’s eye, he slightly narrowed his eyes and spoke a single word.

“Goa.”

In contrast to the whisper-like volume of his voice, the result created by that chant was an all-too-dazzling red.

He unleashed the fist-size crimson fireball created via chant with the speed of an arrow, melting and breaking through the intervening window—and scoring a direct hit on the silhouette seemingly trying to leap into the room through it, burning the target completely.

The silhouette, of a similar size to the fireball, was unable to resist the flames, burning to ash in the blink of an eye. But just before it completely burned away, it left behind only one thing: the sound of its kii, kii death cries—

“Just now… Agh?”

“I see, I see. —So this is how it ends?”

Subaru gasped as Roswaal grabbed hold of the front of his neck, easily lifting up his body with one slender arm. Subaru groaned and thrashed, but Roswaal paid no heed to his resistance, dragging him to the door. At a rapid gait, he passed out of the house’s interior, violently dragging Subaru out of the building and into the cold, buffeting winds outside.

Hurled into the snowy landscape, Subaru shook off something cold touching his head, somehow managing to sit up.

And then he noticed it and gaped.

“”

He heard a skrtskrt sound, a discordant noise like that of hard things rubbing against each other. This was the song of fangs meant for tearing prey to shreds, a sound that Subaru knew from personal experience.

The pure-white fur blended in perfectly with the snowed-in landscape of the Sanctuary. Their tiny bodies, small enough to fit into one’s palm, quivered as their round eyes surveyed the landscape. They were adorable animals—and indiscriminate weapons of slaughter.

“Th-the rabbits…!”

Subaru shivered, raising a shout at the arrival of the Great Rabbit, one of the three great demon beasts.

As Subaru did so, just as his fright foretold, the hopping demon beasts leaped onto the snow one after another. “Kii, kii,” they cried out, and skrtskrt went the sound of the demon beasts’ fangs, their numbers already beyond counting.

These monsters, left with no instincts save insatiable hunger, the demon beast horde known as the Great Rabbit, had arrived in the Sanctuary.

“B-but…this is ridiculous. I mean, it’s only the second day… Why is this…?!”

Subaru was sure that according to his memories, the Great Rabbit had attacked the Sanctuary on the fifth day. There should have been plenty of time to spare. Why were they in the Sanctuary with timing like that?

“This snow is no doubt the cause.”

“—! Daphne said the Great Rabbit eats magical energy; the bigger the mana the better…!”

During his fleeting encounter with the Witches, the Witch of Gluttony, Daphne, creator and mother of the Great Rabbit, had told Subaru that about the creatures’ ecology. He had yet to turn the information about that trait of the Great Rabbit, its attraction to mana, into a means of opposing the menace of the demon beasts, but—

“The snow… There’s no reason they can’t munch down on the great magic controlling the weather. That’s why…!”

“To the Great Rabbit, this is a desirable feeding ground. From birth, those residents with demi-human blood are blessed with bountiful mana… And more important, they and the evacuated villagers are all gathered in one place.”

“The Cathedral—!”

As if the conclusion was propelling him, Subaru forced his creaking body to stand. Then, wiping his nosebleed with a sleeve, with the attack of the Great Rabbit imminent, he drew close to Roswaal.

“Roswaal! Right now…just for now, a cease-fire! Anyway, let’s get to the Cathedral! Can we hole up there…? No, gotta rendezvous with Emilia at the tomb and flee outside…”

“Flee? To where? There is the barrier. The residents of the Sanctuary cannot escape.”

“—. Th-that’s…”

“There was not enough time, Subaru. So long as the Trial remains unfinished, the residents cannot leave the Sanctuary. In other words, the future you desire will never come to pass.”

As Subaru hemmed, Roswaal pushed his chest away and calmly walked forward.

Ahead of where he advanced, walking over the snow—the Great Rabbit pressed forward as an uncoordinated line of death.

With his might as one of the kingdom’s preeminent mages, they couldn’t ask for anything more ideal than a target-rich battlefield; numbers meant nothing to him. Surely, with his overwhelming magical strength, he could mow down the horde and open a path.

However, Subaru did not have any sense whatsoever that Roswaal had the willpower to resist.

As he continued to advance, his very demeanor was clearly that of a man going off to his death.

“Wait, wait, damn it, Roswaal…! We aren’t done talking yet!”

“No, we are finished. At the very least, I have no more words to speak to you. Nor any reason left to live.”

“E-even if I redo it, this way is the worst! If we talked more, talked properly…or maybe you just think you can do it next time, but…!”

“—You seem to have a misconception about something, Subaru.”

“Wha?”

The term misconception made Subaru’s words catch. Standing still, Roswaal turned only his head toward Subaru.

And with Subaru frozen, Roswaal continued speaking to him.

“Even if you can try again, I cannot. The me waiting for you after a redo is not the me you see here. This is my end. —But that is fine.”

Bewilderment, amazement, shock slammed into Subaru all at once.

Roswaal himself was saying that redos applied only to Subaru; everything else in the loop was unrelated.

In other words, Roswaal knew of Subaru’s looping and was trying to use it for some kind of objective, but what he was doing was no more and no less than that.

For the Roswaal that died there, in that world, his life was over, his consciousness at an end.

He knew that even if Subaru redid things, the current Roswaal would not be waiting on the other end.

But that way of thinking was just too—

“—That’s not the thought process of a human being.”

With Subaru, whose consciousness continued on, the prerequisite conditions differed.

With Roswaal, whose consciousness did not continue on, if he died it was the end.

And so understanding that end, he accepted it as a matter of fact, inserting it into his plan. That was abnormal.

“At any rate, the time will come when, in a genuine sense, you catch up to me, Subaru.”

“Roswaal…?”

“Listen well, Subaru. —You have something that is important. One thing that is truly, truly precious to you. Strip away all other things. Let go of everything else and think only of protecting that one thing that you hold dear.”

“”

“Do this and—”

Somewhere amid that much urgency, with an air of so much sincerity, Roswaal smiled at Subaru.

The Great Rabbit that had already come so very close tore into that Roswaal’s neck. Blood scattered, and the sound of gouged flesh heralded the beginning of the tragic spectacle. Late to appear, the next rabbits bit into his arms, his knees, his rump.

“Roswaalllll—!!”

“—You can become like me.”

The jester’s smile could no longer be seen, buried under the gleeful horde of rabbit bodies.

As if craving it, the Great Rabbit covered the whole of Roswaal’s body. Falling to his side, the unresisting Roswaal was gouged out by the rabbits’ fangs. Hungrily, they fed, eating their fill.

Fresh blood sprayed onto the white snow, drawing a picture of Hell upon that great natural canvas. Even that bloody sketch went to waste, for the demon beasts slurped the blood-smeared snow, erasing every remaining trace.

Without a word, Subaru watched the spectacle of Roswaal ceasing to be Roswaal.

He watched, as the being known as Roswaal was lost to the world, his life gnawed away.

—He watched.

Sub-chapter 7.

—A finished world, an unreachable future, lost hopes, and trampled bonds: They all tasted of blood.

Upon those, Subaru bit down. He bit down on the rising bitterness. He bit down on his decision.

It was time. This time he would truly give up on this world, for it was time that he let go.

From hither and yonder, he heard the kichikichi sound of the monsters’ fangs, captive to their own obsession with hunger.

The Sanctuary was no longer anything more than the Great Rabbit Horde’s hunting grounds. Screams and angry shouts alike were drowned out by the demon beasts’ cries and the sounds of their gnawing as countless cruel deaths were playing out across that powdery landscape.

Subaru single-mindedly raced past the horrors, running in a beeline to his destination. Surrounded by the sounds of fangs, the flesh-craving rabbits delighted at having new prey enter their feeding grounds. Subaru drew the crystal from his pocket and made one reckless prayer.

Employing his rights as an apostle, Subaru assembled the replicas remaining in the Sanctuary. Leaving it to them to leap in and intercept the demon beasts, Subaru somehow managed to escape with his life.

The remaining replicas dwindled even as he watched. A moment after Piko, the first to come to his side, was sacrificed to the rabbits and torn apart, they ceased being effective as expendable speed bumps. He made them fight until they were being shredded, finally causing them to self-destruct, taking as many as they could with them. This he repeated over and over—

“Ha-ha-ha-ha…”

Coming to a halt, a dry laugh trickled out. Before his eyes was a fire-enveloped building, burning with brilliant flames.

It was the Cathedral. Between the people of Earlham Village and the residents of the Sanctuary, there ought to have been nearly a hundred souls housed inside. Their bastion, the place where survivors should have been waiting for aid, was engulfed by flame.

Possessing nothing save hunger, the Great Rabbit lacked the presence of mind to set its prey on fire. Who, then, had set the fire? For what purpose had—? Without having to think about it, he knew.

The people inside had chosen suicide over being devoured by demon beasts. That was all.

Hell—this was a portrait of Hell itself. The people from the village, the residents of the Sanctuary, and even Ryuzu and Otto had probably all been inside. How could they do something so hasty?

But Subaru had no right to blame them. They had simply exercised a natural right. They had the right to choose their end—a right Subaru did not possess—and so they chose. That was all.

It was Subaru Natsuki who ought to be blamed. It was he who had made them choose how to end lives that, unlike his, would never return—this was the crime of Subaru Natsuki, a crime he could never undo.

“…Put yourselves on the line and protect me. Once I make it to the tomb, do what you want.”

The Great Rabbit began to surround the Cathedral as it burned and collapsed. Sensing their approach, Subaru left only those orders to the remaining Ryuzu replicas—of which there were six.

Shifting his head, Subaru looked not at the scene of the fire but across the snow to where the tomb was supposed to be.

With one step and another, he walked, casting his hesitation aside as he broke into a run.

Behind him, the demon beasts identified the racing Subaru as more prey, their little bodies bounding in pursuit. The replicas did as ordered, fighting without self-regard as they protected him from the beasts.

He heard a chaotic mix of sound from the cries of demon beasts and of the horrifically wounded replicas turning into light and exploding.

Leaving all of it behind, Subaru covered his ears with his hands, continuing to run into the blowing snow.

Countless sounds reached the eardrums of Subaru Natsuki, berating him as they did. He did his best to ignore it and shook them off.

—He continued to run.

Sub-chapter 8.

By the time he arrived at the tomb, Subaru’s body no longer felt the cold.

He had a cavity for a left eye, and the vision of his right was dying bit by bit. But he thought nothing of the pain.

In his dull, leaden thought process, the image of a single girl flickered.

Stepping into the corridor of dry stone, Subaru headed deeper, deeper within. And there he found—

“—Subaru?”

At the back of the corridor was a stone room filled with a faint blue light. From there, someone called his name.

Invited by the voice, his legs dragged him forward, and the person standing in the center of the stone room gazed at Subaru and said, “Subaru, it really is you! Goodness, where have you been? I was worried!”

As she spoke, Emilia rushed over in a small run and grasped both his hands.

Wearing a pouty look, Emilia proceeded to pull Subaru’s hands against her own chest. As gentle softness and body temperature blended together, she gazed at him with upturned eyes.

“…Are you tired by any chance?”

“Yeah… I might be just a little tired…”

“Tee-hee, is that so? Well, in that case…”

Nodding, Emilia smiled with redness dying her cheeks. From there, she bent her knees on the spot, leaned on her hip, folded her legs under her, and gave her white thighs a couple of pats.

“…A…lap pillow, huh?”

“Yes. Subaru, you just love my lap pillow, don’t you? You’ve told me as much. I remember.”

Emilia proudly made the proposal with only a tiny hint of a blush. Though it took Subaru a little longer, he also sat down on the spot, indulging in her generosity as he laid his head upon her soft thighs. Right away, the sensation of his hair elicited a sweet murmur of “mmm,” but Emilia immediately began stroking Subaru’s head.

“How many times does this make that I’ve offered Subaru my lap as a pillow anyway?”

“Who knows…third time, maybe? I think I was a real wreck every time.”

“I am happy to indulge Subaru like this, but you know, spoiled children get their hair teased…”

Teasing his forelocks, tickling his forehead with her fingers, Emilia was in high spirits as she did as she pleased to Subaru.

Because Emilia wore that adorable expression, not even a smidgeon of an urge to brush her fingers aside arose.

—Besides, he had neither the willpower nor physical endurance to do so. Most of what should have been in his belly had already spilled out anyway.

“”

Subaru was in a sorry state that was almost unbearable to look at.

The bite wound in his hip had reached his intestines. Of the fingers on the right hand he’d used to swipe away a leaping rabbit, only the thumb really remained. Below his waist, countless deep gashes had left the bone visible, and from which too much blood had escaped.

That he’d made it that far with his fraying mind was the result of tenacity bordering on obsession and the freezing cold slowing the metabolism of his body. But even that bargain-bin miracle had finally reached its limit.

“Subaru, are you sleepy?

“Just a…a tiny bit, yeah. Ahhh, it’s all right, it’s all right… I can do this, I can do this…”

“Really? You’re not forcing yourself? I mean, Subaru, you always do reckless things for someone else’s sake… I mean, even Subaru understands that about Subaru, but it really makes me worry.”

“I’m…all…right…”

“I’m a little conflicted about it. I want Subaru to do reckless things just for me…but I don’t want to see Subaru pretending not to see other people… Sorry, I’m very selfish, huh?”

Emilia piled words upon words in quick succession. Her voice grew distant.

Unlike the snow-buried grounds of the Sanctuary, the tomb interior retained a moderate amount of heat. This thawed Subaru’s still-battered flesh, and his bleeding commenced once more. The pool of blood on the stone floor broadened, and the blood Subaru was coughing splattered onto Emilia’s cheek. But Emilia paid the blood no mind.

“Hey, Subaru, are you listening? There’s so, so, soooooo much that I want to talk to you about. So please let me be by your side. Listen to my voice. Let me speak, ’kay?”

She wasn’t ignoring him. Emilia hadn’t noticed—not Subaru’s state, nor the blood on her cheek.

Subaru was firmly reflected in her violet eyes. But reality didn’t show up in them.

Emilia didn’t see what was wrong with Subaru. Nor did she notice the change in the Sanctuary, the gradually approaching end, or much of anything else for that matter. —However, perhaps the same was true of Subaru.

“”

Subaru should have been doing his best to get Emilia out of the Sanctuary.

The Great Rabbit was already burying the exterior of the tomb. It probably would not be long before they surged inside. If they did, just like with Roswaal, not even one scrap of Emilia would be left behind.

That would mean Emilia’s death—but even knowing this, Subaru did not tell Emilia to run.

He could not escape from his self-centered desire to be at Emilia’s side for the little time he had left.

Roswaal’s words and grand death, the regrets he harbored for Ram’s and Garfiel’s deaths, the uncertainty of how Petra and Frederica had been taken, his inability to save Rem and Beatrice; these were killing Subaru.

—Trapped between a sense of loss and a sense of loneliness, Subaru wanted to vanish, and not a moment too soon.

As the world began to go white, his consciousness and his soul were being whittled away from it, bit by tiny bit.

Strength drained from his limbs, and sensation vanished from his dying flesh. Emilia, not realizing that Subaru was dying, would be the only one left.

—Here, he was going to leave Emilia behind? Emilia, who no longer had anyone else on whom to depend.

“Ah—”

Even if he wanted to regret it, it was too late. It was too late for everything.

His voice refused to come out. Light vanished from his black eyes.

Not noticing this, thinking Subaru had merely fallen silent, Emilia tilted her neck in adorable fashion.

Then she abruptly smiled, gently bringing her face closer, and—

“”

—kissed the silent Subaru’s lips.

—The taste of her first kiss was the cold taste of death.
 

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Diamond. Diamond. Diamond.

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