Re:Zero – Starting Life in Another World. Volume. 13.
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‘Chapter 1:- THE SOUNDS THAT MAKE YOU WANT TO CRY.’
Sub-chapter 1.
—Atop a little hill rising out of a green, grassy plain that smelled of wildflowers, the Witch’s Tea Party was about to commence.
The Witches in attendance were all notorious figures who had rampaged across every corner of the world four centuries ago. Joining them was a single boy from a foreign land in a foreign world—plus one final participant, who had just arrived.
This last-minute appearance elicited a variety of reactions from the six Witches already there.
One clenched her fists with a forlorn look. One shrank back in palpable fear. One closed her eyes with a languid sigh. One drooled in ecstasy. One spread both arms wide in an innocent, welcoming gesture.
And the last of the six—
“—Crossing multiple boundaries to intrude upon even my castle of dreams. Her rudeness truly knows no limits.”
Echidna the Witch’s gaze and voice grew pointed as she spat out those words, directing them toward the detestable shadow approaching the table. The sheer hatred and disgust reflected in those eyes made the boy—Subaru Natsuki—gaze in wonder.
Subaru had been roundly criticizing Echidna for lacking proper human emotions just moments earlier. It was only natural for him to be shocked by her display of such vehement feelings.
Even if those emotions were incredibly negative rather than positive.
“But right now…”
—There was an issue that took precedence over Echidna’s raw emotions.
Subaru and the Witches watched as the shadow slowly came up the hill.
The shadow was clad in a pitch-black dress, with a veil of darkness concealing her face. The oddly hazy impression she gave off was impossible to ignore. No one had any doubt about her true identity.
She was the one who had slain the six Witches now gathered once again in this place. She was the worst of calamities, and one who had nearly destroyed the world.
—This shadow was the Witch of Jealousy.
“”
Cheeks stiff from tension and wariness, Subaru could feel every beat of his heart.
In the back of his mind, he could see the Sanctuary vanishing into shadow, swallowed by the madness and obsessiveness of the Witch who had already caused such devastation once before. What would happen if the same thing occurred in this dream world…? The thought alone left him aghast.
Of course, there were six Witches besides Jealousy in this place. Perhaps these Witches, who bore titles of similar power, would be able to resist her in some way. However—
“…Why…isn’t anyone…making a move?”
Subaru seemed short of breath as his confusion trickled out of him.
Jealousy was right in front of them, just now reaching the crest of the hill. Only a few scant yards remained between them; the looming apprehension he felt rivaled that terrible moment back in the Sanctuary.
But that was all. Jealousy wasn’t fanning out her shadows. Her old acquaintances, the other Witches, were also not doing anything besides waiting quietly in place.
Not a single one of them budged. Not a single one tried to avenge themselves.
“The fact that no one is doing anything means…”
Abruptly, someone stepped forward, breaking the silence. She crossed her arms, emphasizing her bountiful breasts in the process. A terrible anger was visible on this Witch’s adorable face. It was none other than Minerva of Wrath.
“Is…this the you I know? Can I trust you?”
“”
Without flinching, Minerva called out to Jealousy. There was no reply. But her act made Subaru open his eyes wide and gape. That was only natural. As far as Subaru knew, Minerva was the only one of the Witches besides Jealousy who lacked any means of directly attacking her opponent. She was the weakest Witch of all.
This was because her power to transform any kind of violence into healing was the least suited for combat.
“…So why isn’t anyone trying to stop her?”
Every last one of them had to have some kind of grudge against Jealousy, if not hatred that was comparable to what Echidna harbored toward her. And yet, no one made any move to prevent Minerva’s attempt at conversation.
Just as shocking was Jealousy, who had no answer for Minerva’s words. The Witch stood there, paying no heed to her whatsoever. The sight of such defenselessness left Subaru confounded.
In terms of brute force, magical ability, and Authorities, if the six Witches challenged her then and there, Jealousy would easily be—
“—I understand how you feel. I raise both hands in sincere approval. If we could erase her in an instant without leaving even a single fragment behind, it would settle so many of the problems swirling around you. Truly, it would.”
“You…”
Subaru felt utterly disgusted at how Echidna nodded with a knowing look. But as much as he hated to admit it, if there was anyone who could ease Subaru’s doubts at this moment, it was the Witch of Greed.
“Then why aren’t you doing anything? This is a chance to get payback after all these years?”
“Simple. If I attempt to eliminate her, I will expose my back to all the other Witches. Even if we ignore Minerva, I am not strong enough to survive making an enemy of Sekhmet or Typhon.”
“What…?”
The incomprehensible logic of Echidna’s explanation baffled Subaru.
“I just…don’t get it. Why would trying to kill the Witch of Jealousy mean that you’d end up fighting the other Witches? You might have a particular thirst for vengeance, but isn’t she an enemy to ev…”
“Th-that’s not…true…”
It was Carmilla of Lust’s halting words that interrupted Subaru’s question. She ignored Subaru’s gawking, keeping her eyes on the standoff between Minerva and Jealousy.
“A-all of us hold a…grudge against Jealousy… That is true. But this isn’t true…for that g-girl, you know?”
“The hell are you…? All of you hold a grudge against Jealousy, but this is different?”
“Thaaat’s right. You’re just overthinking it, Subarun.”
When Subaru failed to follow what Carmilla was saying, Daphne of Gluttony spoke in her stead, laughing with a sweet voice. She turned her blindfolded face toward Subaru, smacking her lips as she savored his delectable anguish.
“Everything comes down to whether it’s Tella-Tella ooor Jealousy who came. If we don’t know that, there’s nothing Daphne and the others can do. A candidate to be a sage should know that much.”
“Let him be, Daphne, sigh. He doesn’t know, phew. About any of that yet, sigh.”
“Ohhh, is that right? Daphne made an oopsie…”
Daphne wore a smile that seemed devoid of any malice as Sekhmet chastised her. The Witch of Sloth lowered her eyes, which were rimmed by long eyelashes, before emitting a particularly lethargic sigh.
“—! Why you little…”
Subaru felt rage welling up when it became incredibly obvious from the exchange and their knowing looks that he had been left out of the loop.
He’d gotten this far by being completely and utterly swept along by recent events: a harrowing Return by Death, an undesired second Trial, and learning about Echidna’s true nature on top of everything else. It felt like the Witches had toyed with his heart one after another until finally, he found himself face-to-face with the Witch of Jealousy herself.
Daphne’s and Sekhmet’s exchange was the last push that sent Subaru’s head reeling. Just how much were they going to make a fool of him?
“Cut the crap already! I…I ain’t got the time or the patience to be messing around!”
“Wow, Baru, so scawwy. Are you mad? You’ll get tired, y’know?”
Typhon of Pride poked a finger into her cheek, tilting her head as she innocently questioned Subaru.
“Also, get it right. We’re not mad at Tella. But we are mad at the Witch. And y’see, Typhon likes Tella, so…”
“Tella… You mean Satella? That’s…the name of the Witch of Jealousy, ain’t it…?”
“…To put it in simple terms, the world remembered Satella as the Witch of Jealousy. However, what was not recorded in history was that Satella had a type of personality disorder.”
Echidna picked up where Typhon’s explanation left off to fill in the blanks with words even Subaru could comprehend.
Unfortunately, he had no idea how he should interpret the words personality disorder. That could be—
“—Something like a split personality? That would mean Satella and the Witch of Jealousy are…”
“Perhaps it would be clearer to say that she absorbed a Factor that was incompatible with her, causing a mental abnormality that ultimately created the Witch personality within Satella…not that I personally have any inclination to distinguish between the two.”
Echidna was disgruntled, but Subaru could not conceal his shock at the new fact that had come to light.
He couldn’t recall ever hearing a word about Satella and the Witch of Jealousy being two distinct personalities. It was natural this information couldn’t be found anywhere in the legends. At the same time, this revelation finally allowed him to comprehend the current standoff.
Was the person standing before them the Witch of Jealousy or Satella? Even the other Witches apparently didn’t know.
“Accordingly, I cannot recklessly go on the attack. If I cross the other five just to eliminate her alone, there will be no hope for victory. After all, if my soul dissipates, even I cannot escape death.”
“…But this is a big risk for the other five, too, isn’t it? You were lending your soul out to them, right? If you vanish, won’t they go up in smoke, too?”
“They’ve already accepted their deaths. They have no lingering attachments to a prolonged existence as mere souls. Rather than struggle to remain, they would rather perish while living according their beliefs. It is because we are only capable of this destructive way of life that we are Witches.”
Not a single one of the other five disputed Echidna’s statement.
Subaru could not approve of the Witches’ way of life, for it was too focused on living in the moment for him to consider it pure of heart. Such fanatic devotion to a singular purpose, both in life and in death, was far from normal.
Moreover…
“I get you’re all like that. It’s…hard to accept, but I can at least understand where you’re coming from. But that only goes for you guys. For Sate…for that Witch, it’s different.”
He had managed to grasp the Witches’ perspective. However, this was ultimately an account from the victims. He had yet to hear the offender’s story. If that was even possible.
“”
Without a word, the pitch-black figure watched on as Subaru spoke with the Witches. No, it was more accurate to say that Jealousy watched Subaru alone.
“It’s better than her attacking without a word like last time we met, but only barely. What did she come to…? What does she want to make me do? What did she…?”
—What did she do to me? What does she want to make Subaru Natsuki to do in this world?
“If you want to know the answer…then ask her yourself.”
“—!”
Minerva interrupted Subaru’s thoughts with a voice that was mixed with both irritation and a sense of grief. Standing at Jealousy’s side, she kept her blue eyes wide open, which were brimming with tears as she glared at Subaru.
“I don’t want to hear your lame excuses. This girl came here to meet you. Speak to her directly… If you can’t manage that, then you aren’t the man we thought you are!”
“Aren’t the man you…? The hell are you going on about?! Who asked you to pass judgment on me?! I’m not about to just roll over and do whatever you want!”
“If you aren’t going to talk to her, sigh…then what would you rather do, phew.”
Lying on her side, Sekhmet suddenly tossed a question toward the emotional Subaru. Not moving from the slovenly posture that was worthy of her title, Sloth turned her pale face until she was looking directly at Subaru’s reddened one.
“As you can see, sigh. We are in a stalemate, phew. At this point, the key, sigh…literally rests in your hands, phew. For better or for worse, that is, sigh.”
Subaru could feel on his skin how Sekhmet’s words drew the gazes of all the Witches to him.
Everything had been entrusted to Subaru Natsuki, the weakest, most foolish, and shallowest among them.
The relationship between Jealousy and the other six Witches was just as they had told him. The Witches kept one another in check, while Jealousy’s attention was focused on Subaru alone.
“Echidna, you don’t have any intention of letting me out of here, do you?”
“It is meaningless to neglect this situation, after all. I am a maiden suffering from a broken heart after a certain someone cruelly dumped me. At the very least, I want to see what you will choose in your current position. If I dared to wish for more, I would be very gratified to see you cruelly dump another girl.”
“You really are a Witch…”
After hearing that malicious reply, Subaru closed his eyes, exhaling slightly. Then he steeled himself and slowly began approaching Jealousy, the Witch shrouded in shadow.
“…Took you long enough to decide.”
What sounded like an insult slipped out of Minerva as she took a step away from Jealousy’s side. With this, there was no one left to intrude between Subaru and Jealousy. The two faced off against each other, close enough to touch.
“”
Though they were but a few short yards apart, Subaru felt the pressure increasing with every step. Even looking directly at her like this, he could see nothing of her face, hidden as it was behind a veil of darkness. This was not because the shadow was so thick that it obscured everything from sight. His primal instincts had chosen to not see.
“Everyone would prefer to avert their eyes from their most unsightly delusions.”
“”
“If you cannot see her face, the issue lies within your own mind.”
From somewhere behind him, someone gave welcome advice that cleared some of his doubts. He wanted to suck his teeth, but he resisted the impulse. More importantly, Subaru didn’t have enough composure to bother with Echidna.
Whether it was Satella or Jealousy before him, he could not take his eyes away from either. If his gaze wandered for even a split second, there was no telling what might happen that very—
“—Ah.”
Suddenly, Subaru found two hands being offered to him. His throat froze over.
Subaru had been on guard, not taking his eyes off Jealousy for even a single second. And yet, in an instant, all his efforts were for nothing. It wasn’t that he failed to see. He saw her move from start to finish.
It was simply that when Jealousy raised her hands toward him, all he could do was watch in silence.
“Seriously…what’s with you? What do you want me to do…?”
Subaru shook his head from side to side, refusing the outstretched hands. Seeing Jealousy’s actions and knowing that she was standing right there in front of him made Subaru feel something hot inside his chest.
It would have been easier if what he felt was hatred or disgust. But this was something else.
What Subaru Natsuki’s soul felt was relief when he looked at the Witch of Jealousy.
“i”
“Wha?”
Subaru was mostly occupied by the chaos that gripped heart. That explained his delayed reaction to the faint sound that reached his eardrums. His comprehension was delayed as well. It took him a moment to realize that it was Jealousy who had made that sound.
Veiled by shadow, Subaru was unable to see Jealousy’s expression as both her hands still reached toward him, as if she was slowly attempting to convey something to him.
Swallowing hard, Subaru waited for her. Finally, the Witch of Jealousy spoke:
“—I have always, always loved you. You, and you alone.”
Sub-chapter 2.
The instant he heard that confession of love, an indescribable impact shot through Subaru’s whole body.
From the crown of his head to the tips of his toes, he felt like a bolt of lightning had passed through him.
Every hair on his body was standing up, and every pore was open. All the blood coursing through his body seemed to be boiling and steaming. His chest beat so loud and hard that it hurt. Subaru breathed unevenly as he backed away.
Subaru knew: He could not stay here.
If he didn’t leave, her breath would reach him. Her fingers would touch him.
Instinctively, Subaru understood that if he did not flee to a safe place, he would be swept away by “love.”
“Stop it…”
“I love you.”
“Please stop…”
“I have always loved you, and only you, with all my heart.”
“I told you to stop, damn it—!!”
With a hoarse voice, he spurned her. Still, the fire in Subaru’s chest didn’t abate at all.
His mind rejected her, but his soul found her a source of comfort. This inconsistency set Subaru’s heart aflame as he wrestled against the contradiction within himself.
If he didn’t do so, he was absolutely certain that the very core of his being would become totally warped.
The very first ray of light Subaru Natsuki had found in this world was his love for Emilia.
Summoned to a foreign place with no one to depend on, she was the one who reached out to him in his time of crisis. How much had her existence been his salvation? During the dark days when he died over and over again, his feelings only grew as his soul cried out for her.
He could no longer say that his feelings for Emilia were the only reason he continued forging ahead. Subaru had gained a great many things since his arrival. He had met many people whom he now cared for deeply.
However, the Witch of Jealousy’s compulsion was so powerful that it rivaled all those emotions put together.
The conversations and warm touches he had shared, the time he had spent with others, the many bonds he had forged—all the love contained within these moments were in danger of being stripped from him despite the fact that there was nothing real between him and this Witch.
If this wasn’t the definition of repulsive, then what else could it be?
“You’re insane…you and Echidna both! This place…it’s filled with people who make no sense! I’ve had it! I’m done, damn it!!”
Subaru scattered angry shouts with a frenzied face, making his refusal as clear as possible.
He didn’t want to be by Jealousy’s side, in front of Echidna, or stay in the company of the other Witches for a single second longer. Subaru had countless other things he ought to be doing. There was nothing he needed here.
—This is a waste of time. I want to get out of here, right now. Please, release me…
“I won’t take help from any of you! I’ll deal with all the problems outside by myself. That’s fine, isn’t it?! That’s what I should’ve done from the start!”
“And then? You’ll die again, repeat the cycle, and make everyone cry time after time? Then you’ll excuse it by saying their tears are an unavoidable sacrifice? Wow, how admirable of you.”
When Subaru bid them farewell, Minerva applauded him with a sour look on her face. Subaru turned his bloodshot eyes toward her, yelling “So what?!” and flaring his nostrils as he glared at Minerva.
“What does it have to with you? You got a problem with Return by Death? The pain, the suffering, the trauma—those are all my problem and no one else’s, damn it. Either way, it’s none of your business.”
“Must be nice to say you’re resigned to pain and suffering. No matter what the people watching you think, you can keep making excuses by saying you’re the one who has it toughest.”
“What did you say…?!”
“If your suffering is the most obvious, no one around you is allowed to say a word. You’re the one suffering the worst, after all…so the weak voices around you just stay silent. Of course they do.”
As Minerva spoke, the tone of her voice steadily grew stronger and angrier. Subaru could not remain silent.
“Are you—Are you trying to say I’m drowning in some self-made tragedy just to shut up everyone around me?! That I’m only at a dead end right now because I want to star in my own tragic drama?!”
“That’s not really what I’m getting at. This it’s fine if I’m the one who’s hurting the most idea is low and unfair. I think Echidna’s a blackhearted schemer, too, and I know exactly how underhanded she can be…but I think you’re twisted in a way that’s creepier than any Witch.”
“”
“More than anything, as someone who hits everything that’s hurt to heal it, your way of living isn’t just the direct opposite of mine—it makes you my natural enemy. Something like that is just too cruel for her.”
After airing all her grievances and slamming them against Subaru’s feelings, Minerva finally looked toward Jealousy.
Jealousy had gone silent ever since Subaru shouted at her, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with Minerva, or showing any sign of reacting to the conversation at all. The faint tears in Minerva’s eyes told Subaru that she found it a lonely sight. —But that didn’t matter to him at all.
“Creepy…? Cruel…?”
Subaru bent forward, his shoulders trembling. The trembling gradually grew stronger until finally, Subaru lifted up his face and laughed. It was so overwhelmingly stupid, he couldn’t help but laugh.
“The hell is that supposed mean? Creepy or not, why do you think I decided to do things this way? How do you think I ended up becoming ‘twisted’? The way I see it, my methods and my way of thinking are just a natural result of what I’ve been through. Am I wrong?”
“”
“You! You made me like this, goddamnit!!”
Subaru shouted his anger at Jealousy, who seemed to stand there in silence to escape all responsibility.
Through accepting and using Return by Death, Subaru had overcome many challenges. The despair he tasted from embracing death again and again was carved into his soul. That was how Subaru had gotten this far.
—This was the road of scars that had led Subaru Natsuki to his current way of thinking.
“The pain, the suffering! All that should be for me! If I’m the only one who gets hurt, that’s better for everyone, ain’t it?! No matter how hard it gets, I’ll just clench my teeth and bear it… That way, no one else has to go through what I do! As long as no one but me gets torn up from start to finish…well, what the hell’s wrong with that?!”
“Shouldering everything by yourself without saying a word to anyone else… It’s as if you think no one besides you is capable of doing anything.”
“If I didn’t do anything, what would have changed? Wouldn’t we just end up with horrible futures? If not me, then who?! Who else could’ve gotten this far?!”
Through trial and error by repeatedly using Return by Death, Subaru had discovered the optimal path.
It was just like Echidna had said. He wasn’t thrilled to agree with the sweet whisperings of the Witch who was taking advantage of his resolve to fulfill her own selfish desires, but he could still stay the course regardless.
If a scarred Subaru could find a path to a future where no one else had to get hurt, then—
“Earlier, I said I can’t understand you and that I’m sick of all this. Sorry about that. Yeah, I’m sorry. I don’t take even one bit of it back, but it’s true I’m grateful to you, too. It was real shitty of me to forget that in the moment.”
“”
“I’m grateful to you for one thing and one thing only. Thanks…for giving me Return by Death. That’s all I’m thankful for. Without that, I wouldn’t have been able to protect a fly. I’ll keep relying on this power from here on out as well. So for that alone, I’m thanking you.”
He was determined to continue making progress through trial and error. The option of running away had disappeared long ago.
—Ever since the moment he’d grasped a certain girl’s hands and asked her to run away together, only to be rejected.
Running was not an option. His only choice was to keep fighting. That was what he’d sworn to do. She expected that from Subaru, too. She trusted that Subaru wouldn’t give, wouldn’t run away.
She trusted that Subaru was a man who could climb back onto his feet. If he couldn’t do that, he’d never be able to face her again.
“That’s why I’m thanking you only for the power you gave me. Even a guy like me with no redeeming features can bust through a hopeless dead end like…”
“—Don’t.”
“A dead end…like…”
With one phrase, Jealousy stopped Subaru in his tracks, keeping him from venting the dark emotions dominating the inside of his chest.
That faint, whisper-like murmur dulled his momentum. His cheeks hardening, Subaru breathed hard as he blinked.
What did she say to him just then? After a momentary, silent pause, Jealousy spoke to Subaru.
“—Don’t cry. Don’t hurt yourself. Don’t suffer. Don’t…make such a sad face.”
Jealousy pleaded with Subaru, as if urging him or maybe even praying.
Her words clouded the fierce emotions in Subaru’s heart; part of it was anger, part of it was surprise, and the rest was a mix of various emotions that made no sense whatsoever.
“Wh-why are…you saying…”
His throat caught in shock. He didn’t know how he should respond. All he could do was stare at Jealousy, bewildered…
Subaru was already shaken, but Jealousy was not done yet.
“Love, please.”
“I-in the end, that’s what it’s all about…? You twist my feelings, then tell me to love you? Who’d love someone like…”
“—No.”
When Subaru tried to reject her through his trembling, Jealousy engaged him in conversation for the first time. Even then, he could not see her face. However, in his soul, he knew what expression Jealousy was making as she gazed at him from the other side of that curtain of darkness.
He knew what face Jealousy—no, Satella—was looking at him with at that very moment.
“—Love yourself more.”
—She was surely gazing at him with a look of affection.
Even though the meaning of her words had already permeated Subaru’s brain, it still took a fair bit for them to register. The moment understanding spread through his mind, Subaru’s heart was overwhelmed by a wave of indescribable sensations.
“What the hell…are you even saying?”
“Don’t hurt yourself. Don’t be sorry. Take…better care of yourself.”
“Shit, you’re the one who gave me Return by Death. You’re the one who gave me this power that lets me move forward, damn it!”
“—I love you. That’s why…I want you to love and protect yourself.”
“If you take away the way I cope, the way I defend myself, then what the hell do I have left?!”
Rejecting Satella’s whispers of inexhaustible love, Subaru shouted, pressing his hand hard against his own chest.
“You know, don’t you?! I don’t have any power! No smarts or special skills, either! I don’t have a single advantage of my own! I don’t have anything but the Return by Death ability you gave me! That’s why the only thing I can pay with is my own life!”
“Don’t be sad.”
“If I’m hurt more than other people, if I see more things than other people, if I can run around protecting everyone, then no one but me has to go through this awful stuff! That’s all I want!”
“Please don’t cry.”
“You don’t really care what happens to me, do you?! Whatever happens to a guy like me, no one’s gonna shed a tear! No matter how beat-up I get, if everyone can reach the future safe and sound, then that’s…!”
After all, if Subaru didn’t stay on the front line, continuing to be hurt like that—
“If I can get to tomorrow without losing anyone, that’s…”
—There was a chance he might lose someone in a way he could never undo.
“…Rem’s…gone.”
“”
“It never would’ve happened if…if I was smarter, if I had any power, if I’d cared less for myself, if only I’d laid my life on the line in the first place…”
The sense of loss and despair from that time still weighed heavily on Subaru Natsuki.
That was why Subaru chose to rely on no one but himself while continuing to fight his painful battles alone. If choosing to rely on someone else or seeking out aid meant he would lose another person dear to him, then—
“If I don’t believe that…if I don’t believe that there has to be a way to make this work…”
If he could master how to use it, Subaru wouldn’t have to lose anything.
He could solve everything with Return by Death.
If he lost faith in that idea, if he stopped telling himself his suffering was necessary and he couldn’t convince himself anymore, then how could he ever confront that despair again…?
“I…! I don’t wanna lose anyone else like how I lost Rem—!!”
Clutching his head, Subaru screamed in denial of anything and everything beyond himself.
He realized that at some point, he’d slumped to the ground. With Satella right before his eyes, he was cowering inside his shell, shutting out her soft, tiny whispers.
She was poison. A deadly substance. Satella’s very existence was like a sweet venom that melted Subaru’s hardened heart. As it melted, frigid despair seeped into the cracks that had opened up, dredging up the crushing loss he felt that day.
“You’re not a child, are you?”
Out of the blue, he heard a voice murmur.
As Subaru tearfully shouted while stubbornly clinging to the conclusion he’d reached all alone, one of the Witches who had been silent so far looked directly at Subaru as she muttered, shaking her head in disapproval.
“Crying, mewling, throwing a tantrum, taking on everything by yourself…that’s just like…”
“”
“…a sad, lonely child, no?”
With a pitying voice, Sekhmet passed judgment on Subaru. Not one of the wordless Witches present uttered a word of denial. Everything she had said rung true.
In this moment, Subaru was nothing but a small, frail child. It was too painful to even watch.
“—Baru, are you crying…?”
As he remained on his knees, Subaru abruptly felt his head being enveloped by something soft. Through his teary vision, he saw Typhon, the olive-skinned little girl who governed Pride.
Standing at his side, the little girl was gently embracing Subaru’s head. Then, without moving from her spot—
“It’s so sad seeing you cry like this… Who’s the one who made you cry?”
Pitying Subaru, Pride surveyed the Witches gathered at the tea party with her red eyes. He sensed that the dangerous look in her gaze was slowly but surely causing the strained, tenuous equilibrium between the Witches to crumble.
“Was it Tella? Daffy? Milla? Sigh? Or was it Nerva who…well, I guess probably not. Then was it Dona who did something bad to you again? Who was bad?”
“Wh-why did you take me off the list right away? Even I can h-h-hurt someone, you know.”
“Your face goes pale just from imagining it. You’re not capable. More importantly, why was I the only one who came out as a firm suspect, I wonder? It makes me want to meet the parents who raised you and question them in great detail…”
“Because that is a daily affair for you, sigh.”
Typhon vigilantly watched the Witches as they reacted. She was eager to root out the “bad person who made Subaru cry.” The fact that the suspects were her fellow Witches was no reason for them to be exempt from her punishment.
Still, these women all possessed supernatural powers that could destroy whole nations or perhaps even the entire world itself. With all of them gathered in the same place at the same time and ready to lash out at the slightest provocation, this tea party was more dangerous than playing with matches next to a powder keg.
Pride, clutching the head of the crying boy, was keen on punishing whoever had sinned.
Wrath, siding with her own murderer, was adamant on making sure the quiet Witch’s feelings were heard.
Sloth, keeping an eye on everyone equally, was lazily waiting to instantly smash whoever would make the first move.
Gluttony, showing no interest in the changing circumstances, was craving to take advantage of everything going on to satisfy her hunger.
Lust, maintaining her neutrality, was clutching at her own head as if to protect herself alone.
Greed, with a faint trace of hatred remaining in her glimmering eyes, was inquisitively watching for any shifts in the balance of power.
And finally, the Witch called Satella, who was apparently not the Witch of Jealousy—
“—I…love you. Because you…gave me light. Because you took my hand, and you taught me about the world outside. Because…when I trembled on lonely nights, you never stopped holding my hand. Because when I felt lonely, you kissed me and said that I wasn’t alone. You gave me so many things… That’s why I love you. Because you…you gave me everything.”
She showed no intention of cutting short her whispers of love for the kneeling Subaru, who didn’t seem to register anything she said.
He couldn’t understand. He didn’t get any of it. He’d never met Satella before, nor had he ever exchanged words with her. Everything she was saying had to be the product of her delusions. She wasn’t any different than Petelgeuse, another person who had gone mad with love.
All that should have been true. And yet, Subaru Natsuki knew.
“What the hell…? What’s this…inside me? I don’t want any of these feelings. Don’t…tie me to memories I don’t have… How could… How could I…for someone like you…?!”
I hate you is what he wanted to add.
The word hate did not truly suffice. He detested this person. He didn’t feel a single shred of good will toward her. If she was going to force such self-centered feelings of love onto him, he might as well see what kind of face she was making. It would be something to behold, no doubt.
—How can you do this to her…?
“—!”
Having reached the pinnacle of a supposedly impossible contradiction, Subaru’s mind went blank. The next moment, Subaru “addressed” the confusion. There could be no more direct way to do so.
“…Baru?”
It was Typhon, touching Subaru, who was the first to notice the change. The little girl’s eyes went wide as she realized that strength had drained from Subaru even as he remained kneeling within her arms. She immediately noticed something else.
A large quantity of blood was dripping from his mouth. Subaru had bit his tongue.
“—Ahh, so this is another option you have, Subaru Natsuki.”
As the various Witches reacted to his decision, Echidna was the only one whose cheeks slackened in joy.
“—Gh, puh.”
This was Echidna’s castle of dreams. Subaru’s real body wasn’t here. Accordingly, dying in this place was a death of the mind, which ran the risk of leaving his body an empty husk.
Even after considering the possibility, Subaru tried to end it nonetheless. Death was Subaru’s only hope—
“You…absolute idiot—!!”
The moment Minerva noticed Subaru trying to take his own life, her face reddened as she flew into action. She raised her fist, brimming with the power of healing, and prepared to slam it into Subaru. But before she could, Typhon stood in her way.
The young Witch spread both arms wide, shielding Subaru behind her as much as her little body could.
“Baru chose this himself! Don’t get in his way, Nerva!”
“Hurting yourself, killing yourself, hurting others, killing others—I won’t allow any of it! Mental suffering is beyond me! If I can’t see it, there’s no way for me to know when someone’s hurt! So that’s why instead, I never ignore any wounds I can see, even it means destroying the world!!”
With one determined step forward, which left a crater in the hill, Minerva slammed her fist into Typhon’s face.
It wasn’t an exaggeration to say it hit like a cannonball that could crush whole boulders. However, the instant her fist came into contact with a living thing, the force of her blow changed from being destructive to healing—and so, only the momentum of the impact remained.
With an explosive roar, Minerva’s strike sent the young Witch’s childlike body flying. However, while she had managed to overcome the obstacle, it was not just Typhon who’d taken damage.
The right arm Minerva had swung with cracked like a shattered glass window. The Witch of Pride had deemed her actions evil; this was the result of being touched by her judgment.
The pain of having lost her arm made Minerva turn her face up toward the sky, opening her mouth wide in—
“—Piece of caaaaake—!!”
—what was decidedly not a scream of pain. The Witch of Wrath was so sensitive to the suffering of others that she put her own aside no matter what. Her calling Subaru’s methods twisted while stubbornly adhering to her own extreme ideals was truly the pot calling the kettle black.
“Anyway! With this, I’ll…!”
“Sigh…the next one to interfere…is me.”
An instant later, a blow that came from straight above knocked Minerva off the hill.
After her entire body was forced into the ground, Minerva left a human-shaped indentation on the grassy plain. Lifting up her head, she looked toward Sekhmet with a face marred with rage and shouted:
“Don’t interfere, Sekhmet!!”
“I can do no such thing, phew. Emotionally, I am on the boy’s side, sigh. You could probably say I’m also on Typhon’s side, phew. So you see, I have no reason not to interfere, sigh.”
Faced with Sekhmet’s declaration of opposition, Minerva resentfully bit her lip and scanned the area. Unfortunately for her, Daphne and Carmilla were maintaining their neutrality in this dispute, while Echidna was nothing but a detached observer awaiting the results. And Satella was—
“Agh, aghhh…”
Subaru continued heaving up terrible amounts of blood as the Witch knelt in her black dress, her voice shaking as she spoke to him.
The frothy blood pouring from the boy’s torn tongue was blocking his throat. Subaru was drowning in his own blood as he caught sight of Satella.
Finally, I’ll be free, he thought. But the moment he noticed her grieving, his relief evaporated like ephemeral mist.
“Why haven’t you realized…? That somewhere among all the things you wish to save, shouldn’t there be a spot for you, too…?”
Why did she think about Subaru that way?
Just how much had Subaru soothed her heart during those delusions she must’ve had?
“Just like many other people, fate has led you to many dead ends. But just because you have the chance to change those… Why can’t you see…that you’re someone who deserves to be saved, too…?”
There had to be…some mistake.
Subaru was an unredeemable person, unable to take care of even the things that were within his reach. He couldn’t even save just the people he wanted to save. He couldn’t break free from his inadequacy, his immaturity.
Hadn’t he sworn to change? To stop being such a fool?
Hadn’t he decided to act cool?
The part of him that was weak and the part of him that didn’t want to be weak anymore warred inside him.
He’d made a vow—a vow to the girl who had chosen him to be her hero.
He could not go back on that vow. He had to challenge death, to desire death, to face death head-on.
—If she knew of this, would she be happy? Would she be sad?
—What would she think of Subaru, who she’d wished to be her hero?
He couldn’t think about it. He couldn’t know about it. This was a dangerous line of thought.
Subaru Natsuki was fine with that. He did not think of himself as a person anyone would miss.
He was not a human being with that kind of worth. Subaru’s life was an expendable commodity. And so, like any other resource, all he needed to do was use it, and use it as much as necessary to make sure he reached the end.
It was simple. In order to gain something valuable, something worthless would be exhausted. It was only natural. The decision was so obvious, anyone would do the same, wouldn’t they? All Subaru had was his life.
He would save the lives of precious people who needed to be saved, lives that would never return.
If he could manage that at least, Subaru could—
“What happened in the second Trial…? What did you see…?”
Trial. —Trial. Trial, “Trial.” Trialtrialtrial, Trialtrialtrialtrial, Trial—?
Shock and insufficient oxygen had severely dulled his mind.
His vision was finally becoming indistinct, and the world began to flash red. White noise like television static filled his thoughts. Subaru hazily considered that the end was near.
The end would finally come.
With this, how many times would he have greeted death? It was annoying to count, but that was fine.
Sooner or later, he would confront death so many times that he’d be tired of counting anyway.
He didn’t think the human mind could withstand remembering the number of deaths it had experienced.
He readied his heart into steel. A heart of steel that would not be swayed by anything—
Finally, Subaru’s consciousness slowly, gently melted into the darkness—
“—I’ve got high hopes for you, son.”
There was…a sound.
From somewhere on the other side of the white noise, from the chaotically reflecting noises, he heard…something very clear.
“—Come back soon.”
There it was again.
He heard a different sound. But this resonated in his chest in the same way.
“—I…wanted to call you my friend.”
A different sound, a sound that carried another feeling.
The sounds were far from calming. But still, they were comforting.
“Why…why?!! Why, Subaru… How could you do this so easily…!”
A different sound again.
The sound of parting filled his chest with a sense of desolation and something resembling longing, a feeling that made him want to say he was sorry.
“I knew that…at the very least, you weren’t That Person…but…”
A new sound made his chest tighten.
It was impossible to remain detached and unemotional. This was a tearful sound. It was the sound of someone who he shouldn’t make cry. Who he had to protect. Who he had to save. Sound. Sound. Sound.
“Please show me your good parts, Subaru.”
Reacting to the sound, a kind of thump rang out.
The inside of his body grew hot. A sense of duty stirred within him. That sound had always supported him.
And then—
“Thank you, Subaru.”
There was…a sound.
“—Thank you…for helping me.”
—A sound that heralded the beginning of…everything.
Sub-chapter 3.
He wondered if they would cry.
Subaru wondered if the people important to him would be sad about his death.
In the world he would leave through selfishly experiencing death, would the irreplaceable people he left behind miss him? Would they be sad at his passing?
As Subaru repeated Return by Death, would they, too, be chagrined?
There were people who he thought of as precious, who he believed he had to protect, who he yearned to save.
—Did he have enough worth to make these previous people miss him?
Is it fine to be that conceited?
Do precious people think of a guy like me…as a precious existence?
Is it all right for me to believe that?
To believe I’m needed by the people I want to protect, enough that they want to protect even a guy like me?
Is it forgivable to even wish for it?
To wish that even a guy like me is worth enough that people would cry if they lost me, that they’d reach a hand out because they want to save me?
—Is it all right for me to even think it?
To think I don’t wanna die.
To think I don’t want to give up, to say this is the only way.
To think I don’t want to become the cornerstone that protects the future of the people precious to me, and then disappear.
To think I want to be with those precious people in the future I’ve protected, together.
Is it all right to think like that?
Do I have that kind of worth?
If I really do—
“I don’t…wanna die…”
A clump of blood made a sound as it fell. There was a sound of air leaking out, and it brought along a different sound.
His breathing eased. His consciousness was returning. His hazy vision had begun to return, and with it, color returned to the world.
And then—
“I knew that’s how you really felt all along…you jerk!!”
…As he tenaciously crawled, the face of Wrath came into focus, right as she healed him with a headbutt.
Sub-chapter 4.
Subaru coughed, spitting out clumps of blood. He rolled onto his back, faceup as he looked at the sky. He made repeated, ragged breaths, earnestly gasping in search of oxygen, the fuel needed for life.
His heart had no time to feel shame at how lowly and pathetic he looked as he clung to life. Just…
“Am I…?”
“”
“Am I…worthy of living…? Me, who can’t die…do I have…any value outside of dying…?”
Through Return by Death, he had saved people he held dear from horrific fates.
Subaru Natsuki had believed his only value was in the results he had obtained at the cost of his life.
But was it right to think that this was not so?
“Can I think that…a human being like me has value outside of Return by Death…? Is it all right for me to think that…the people I care for…care for me, too…?”
“…I wouldn’t know any such thing.”
Minerva gave Subaru’s frail question that very curt reply.
She was in a terrible state. Her arm was shattered, and there were bruises from blunt trauma all over her body. But she calmly rose to her feet, gritted her teeth at those wounds, and regenerated herself. Doing this, the Witch of Wrath stood solidly on her own two feet, crossing her arms as she looked down at Subaru. And then—
“Don’t ask me what worth you have. But that girl wants you to live so much…plus, you saw in the second Trial yourself, didn’t you?”
“…But the second Trial showed me the mistakes, the sins I committed…”
“What are you, an idiot? That wasn’t to make you take responsibility for worlds gone wrong. That was to show you just how sad people got because of the results of your mistakes. —That’s your answer right there, isn’t it?”
“—hh.”
They returned to the back of his mind. He remembered.
He remembered crying voices. He remembered voices clenched in regret. He remembered strong voices sending him off. He remembered all the people sending him off so kindly. He remembered whispers of love from those who’d believed in him. He remembered the genesis, the trigger of his struggle against fate.
He remembered a life that supposedly had nothing awaiting him.
Subaru remembered he’d been invited into that world with nothing, with the things he was supposed to have falling from his fingertips.
To prove that someone like him had worth, he had to keep struggling. And as he kept struggling to protect those precious things he had gained, he thought he had no choice but to walk an even lonelier path.
I’d thought to myself, it’s all others giving unto me. Is it all right for me to think it’s not so?
—People will cry for my sake?
—People will lament their powerlessness for my sake?
—People wish to see the future with me, together?
—Precious people will give me the privilege of standing and smiling at their side?
Surely it was impossible for someone stubbornly walking a lonely path to the very end, as Subaru had been doing, to receive such a privilege.
With a heart of steel—a mental state that swayed before nothing—he was disconnected from the softness that would’ve allowed him to smile.
Then was it all right to believe?
That the choice to whittle away his own heart, deciding it was the price he had to pay for the future of those precious to him…
That the choice to desperately struggle to protect his own heart, thus becoming unable to walk his chosen path…
To believe that neither need be taken, and that there was another, greedier choice?
—Was it all right to believe and to want it?
“—I permit it.”
These were Subaru’s thoughts, thoughts he had in no way spoken aloud. And yet, there was a reply to those thoughts.
Still flat on the ground and faceup, he let his head tumble sideways. Over where Minerva was standing still, someone was kneeling on the grassy field. Her face was drenched with tears, but still she smiled.
Even then, Subaru could not see this face, which was covered by shadow. Obstructed by that curtain of darkness, he could not see the expression turned toward him. And yet, he knew she was smiling.
“I was saved by you. That is why I permit that you can be saved. And it is my hope to be saved by you.”
Satella’s words, her voice, and her smile permeated the cracks in his heart.
Subaru covered his face with his hands. Tears flowed. Sobs spilled out. He continued to hide his weeping face.
That moment, he didn’t want anyone, especially her, to see him like that—for the sake of his meager stubbornness.
“…I was surprised that Minerva broke through Typhon and Sekhmet’s obstruction, but I find this action by the two of you even more unexpected.”
Echidna made that small comment, ignoring Subaru as he covered his weeping face. —After all, before Echidna was a spectacle of talons stretching from the black, lacquered coffin to restrain Typhon while the coffin’s mistress, Daphne, faced off against Sekhmet.
Daphne responded to Echidna’s words with a low, throaty laugh. Released from her restraints, she stepped barefoot onto the grassy field, tilting her hips as she stuck out her tongue.
“There’s no mistaaake that Daphne’s compatibility with Ty-Ty is number oooone. The Centipede Coffin has no head for thinking because it’s Daphne’s arms and leeeegs. And its compatibility with Ty-Ty’s Authority is the woooorst.”
“Uuugh! Daffy, out of my way! Nnnn! Uuu!”
“So…sigh. That means you are holding me back yourself, phew. I’m not Echidna, but, sigh. Why are you doing something like this, phew. Unlike Minerva, I do not understand your reason for getting involved, sigh.”
Glancing as Typhon writhed under the coffin, Sekhmet made another weighty sigh. With Typhon taken hostage, the mightiest of the Witches apparently could not act rashly.
Responding to Sekhmet’s words, Daphne shook her head, braids swaying as she said “Nahhhh” and laughed.
“Subaru, you seeee, killed the White Whale, then talked big and told Daphne that the Great Rabbit was neeext. Sooo I figured I wanted him to last at least long enough to chaaaallenge it.”
“A most fascinating opinion. Certainly, if he puts his mind to it, he can achieve such a feat. You must understand this as well…but Daphne, do you want the Great Rabbit to be destroyed?”
“Not reaaaally? From the moment they were born from Daphne, those children’s empty stomachs and Daphne’s empty stomach weren’t related anymooore. Where and how it’s destroyed makes no differeeeence…but all the same, Daphne might be interested in just how the Great Rabbit, Daphne’s own inexhaustible hunger, reaches its eeeend.”
You see, she seemed to say, sipping her own drool.
“If Daphne is satisfied at how it eeeends, that would be a happiness unknoooown to Daphne…”
To Daphne, who was tormented by an inexhaustible sense of emptiness, satisfaction was a dream eternally out of reach.
And if the Great Rabbit was a reflection of her own endless hunger, it existed as the incarnation of her cravings. —Not that Daphne herself held any sentimentality toward it.
But Daphne harbored an interest, a curiosity beyond hunger.
To Echidna, this was a most satisfying answer. Smiling at this, Echidna nodded, turning her gaze to the other person to whom she had referred to—the Witch of Lust, standing apart from the group.
“Carmilla, what about you? Do you have a reason like Daphne’s, I wonder?”
“Wh-what are you…trying to say, E-Echidna…?”
“It is very simple. —You were the one who called him back from the brink of death, weren’t you? I do not understand the reason you would go as far as employing your Faceless Bride Authority.”
“”
“You must have called forth countless bonds for him. I thought you were not fond of him. And so, I wish to ask: Why have you done this?”
When Echidna posed her question, Carmilla hid her mouth under the stole wrapped around her neck, glancing around in search of aid from the Witches around them. She wanted someone other than herself to come rescue her.
However, there was no Witch in that place who would fall under the lovely Carmilla’s charms.
Left with no other choice, Carmilla leaned forward, gazing at Echidna with upturned eyes.
“N-no r-reason, really? I’m satisfied with that boy refusing Echidna’s…mm, advances…so even if others fight, as long as I’m safe, then…just…”
“Just?”
“L-love is important…r-right? You mustn’t hold it in…contempt… You mustn’t. That boy…he thinks he doesn’t want to see it, when ‘love’ is right there, so…I won’t let him…deny what’s there. And besides, I……really hate not repaying a debt.”
Her words were halting and plodding. However, only at the end did Carmilla assert herself loud and clear. Receiving this, Echidna dropped her shoulders as she looked at the faces of the various Witches in turn.
“Sekhmet and Typhon tried to honor his will. Minerva, honoring his life, healed him. Daphne cooperated, extending his life so she might watch his battle. Carmilla, who’d kept her back turned to him, used her Authority to make him understand ‘love.’ —Now then, putting each and every person’s various assertions together…all of you were trying to help Subaru Natsuki.”
The Witches stood still, neither affirming nor denying Echidna’s assessment.
Sloth, Pride, Wrath, Gluttony, Lust—all stood still.
Seeing the Witches like that, Greed twisted her cheeks in amusement. And then—
“This is indeed most interesting. —Do you not think so?”
She posed this question, casting it toward Subaru, looking haggard as he wobbled to his feet.
“”
His head was terribly heavy. His entire body was languid as if he had a high fever.
Even then, his tears had not fully dried. Wiping from his cheek what remained of his tears with his sleeve, Subaru, somehow managing to stand on his own two feet, surveyed the faces of Echidna and the other Witches with insipid eyes.
“Really…the hell is wrong with you all…”
It was a question—a natural question for a puny human to have after meeting a Witch.
“Curiosity. Sympathy. Compassion. Sense of duty. Expectation. Hatred… Can’t say I really understand or agree with the reasons you had to take my side. I get why they call you all Witches.”
“From this insulting attitude, I take it that your willpower has returned?”
“…Dunno.”
From the words that had trickled out of him, Echidna winked and bluntly laid out Subaru’s mental state.
“I decided there were things I had to do. That hasn’t changed, even now. And I’d…resolved that…to accomplish them, this was the only way. But…”
Haltingly, Subaru spoke—not to anyone else in particular, but to himself.
“My resolve…when I came to this place, the Trial…broke it. Just when I thought you were lending me a hand, I found out what you really thought, then even Satella appeared…my head’s all a mess. You’re all self-serving… I decided what it is I had to do. But then…”
After coming this far, if he clung to his supposedly expendable life, what then?
After coming this far, if he yearned for life when using it was his only option, what then?
After coming this far, if he internalized that he was loved, what was it he ought to do?
“Now I…don’t know what I should do anymore.”
Logic pleaded that if he did not desire death, he could save nothing via Return by Death.
His memories told him that as death piled higher, the flood of tears from those who had lost Subaru grew greater.
Without his death, someone would be sad, and yet with his death, someone would be sad also.
“—Now, I ask you once more, Subaru Natsuki.”
With Subaru unable to sew his thoughts together, Echidna lowered her voice, speaking solemnly.
When he lifted his face, Echidna was standing right in front of him, slowly nodding.
“If I cooperate with you, the people you absolutely wish to save will arrive at a future in which they are saved. You will have no more reason to worry. In extremis, I will find the answers to the problems that you must directly confront. All you need do is put them into effect, thus climbing over the walls. If you are afraid you must continue to worry, one choice you have is entrusting those worries to me. I will not fault you for this. I will welcome it. Therefore, I now ask you once more.”
“”
“Since you do not understand what to do, how about letting me lead you by the hand? I promise, I will bring you to the future you desire without fail.”
This spoken, Echidna stretched her hand out to Subaru.
If he took that hand, a pact would be formed. Echidna would cooperate with Subaru in accordance with her words.
It was an idea he’d rejected out of emotion a short while before. But Echidna’s proposal hit the mark. If he truly wanted that future, he ought to sacrifice himself in a true sense and use her for that purpose.
He ought to take that hand.
If he did not fear being hurt and resolved to swallow down thoughts of pain and suffering as he continued to fight, he ought to take that hand. Hence—
“Echidna. —I’m afraid of being hurt.”
“”
“I hate pain, suffering, and sadness. I don’t want to go through painful times, and I don’t want to watch someone other than me go through bad things, either. —I don’t want to die.”
“”
“So because it’s predicated on sacrifice, I won’t—take your hand anymore.”
Not even Subaru knew what he might be able to do. But he could not walk the path Echidna had presented. He could not choose it. —For he was aware that he did not want to die.
He, who had thought dying was the only service he could contribute, had learned that there were people who would accept him without him having to die.
—Subaru Natsuki was not a man who had value only in death.
For the people who regretted Subaru’s death would not have done so had they seen value in his death. No, what they regretted was—
“I don’t know exactly what everyone felt like they lost yet. —But I think I want to find out. If I understand that, I think I can repay everyone in a way besides death.”
“…But that is a path of thorns. The shortest way to the future is to choose to use your life as a tool and cut it open. It would have been better if you offered your heart alone. To reject this, and to preserve both your own heart and someone else’s future in your hands at the same time, is most difficult, and moreover—”
Echidna cut off her words with a pause of her breath.
Then the most charming smile he had seen on the Witch to that point came over her.
“—it is greed.”
Affirming its greed, the Witch of Greed joyfully accepted Subaru’s judgment.
Subaru did not understand the thinking of the Witch, who seemed so happy even though he had rejected her proposal. But.
“What is true is that you came and saved me a bunch of times over… Even if in the bottom of your heart, you think of me as nothing more than a lab animal, that much is true.”
It was undeniable that for some travails, Echidna’s existence had lent support to his heart, allowing him to overcome them.
Therefore, his gratitude for the times when she’d saved his heart was also definite.
“—Foolish, pitiable Garfiel fears the outside world.”
“…Eh?”
“What he saw during the first Trial has bound his heart ever since. If you are to get through this situation with your own power, it will surely be necessary to break that curse.”
“Echidna?”
“What, just sour grapes from a busybody. I would rather you did not think All those other Witches are good people deep down, but that Echidna is a bad person to the bitter end or the like. Whatever your thoughts, I am a girl, and it is the truth that I have some degree of fondness for you.”
Speaking rapidly, Echidna gave Subaru’s chest a light poke with the hand he had not taken. Then she turned her back, her white hair swaying as the Witch of Greed put distance between them. During that time, Daphne was using her coffin to cuddle Typhon up to Sekhmet, and Carmilla had returned to the fold as well.
Seeing the Witches like that made Subaru sigh.
“You really are incomprehensible monsters. I don’t think I could ever come to like or understand you.”
These were his true, unvarnished thoughts. The values each Witch harbored never wavered, something that would never sit well with Subaru—no, that was true for any normal person.
Thus Subaru could not understand the Witches, nor could he cooperate with them.
But just like he thought with Echidna, understanding and gratitude were wholly different things.
“Thanks for trying to let me die. Thanks for not letting me die. Thanks for making me hear the voices that are precious to me. —Thanks for all that.”
He bowed his head to the Witches one by one. Pride smiled, Sloth sighed, Lust grimaced in disgust, Gluttony licked her lips in arousal, and Wrath turned her face aside.
Then he turned around—toward Satella, who was kneeling on the hill, and began walking to her.
As Subaru walked over, Satella looked up at him, her breath catching. Her body trembled in fear and unease.
Why was it that someone he had so dreaded filled his chest with such warmth?
What were these emotions he continued to harbor for someone he’d never come in contact with?
It was a mystery with no answer, but this dream castle had already given Subaru too many.
With not a single answer to that question, Subaru opted to keep worrying about it as he crouched down, extending his hand to the Witch.
Seemingly bewildered, Satella stared at the hand offered to her.
“I…don’t know who you are. I don’t know why you told me you love me…and I don’t know the meaning of…you telling me that I saved you.”
“—Ah.”
“But it’s still a fact that you saved me by giving me Return by Death. It’s also true that I’ve relied on it to get me this far.”
“”
“To me, Return by Death is…one choice, I suppose?”
“”
“And you’re telling me…not to depend on it, but to love myself…right?”
“”
“I’m not saying it’s as cut and dry as that. —But there’s no mistaking that you gave me Return by Death because you don’t want me to die.”
That was why…
“Just like you said, I’m going to…try loving myself, just a little more. I’ll take better care of myself. I don’t know what’ll happen because of it, but that’s fine.”
“…It’s all right?”
“Yeah…compared with death, it ain’t nothin’.”
Responding to Satella’s concerned voice, Subaru made a smile, frail as it was. Seemingly relieved by that expression, Satella took Subaru’s hand.
The next moment, Subaru’s eardrums caught a sound as if the very world had cracked.
The colors of the blue sky and the green, grassy field faded. Subaru Natsuki was being freed from the castle of dreams.
“—I’m returning outside, huh?”
Even then, it was unclear how, and why, he had arrived at that place.
What should he do first when he got back? His mind was in chaos over even an issue like that.
“Don’t worry all by yourself. Do it together, with the people who consider you precious…”
“”
“Struggle together with the people who you do not wish to die, the people who do not wish to let you die. —And when even that fails, do not forget to fear death when you die.”
“”
“Do not forget that when you die, it makes people sad—”
The world made a sound like it was breaking.
Satella’s voice grew distant. And yet, it clawed terribly at Subaru’s heart. The palm connecting him to her was hot. He felt a longing that told him he mustn’t take his hand away.
“I…”
He called out to her, but his voice would not come out. His voice could not call her…Satella.
If he called her that, he wouldn’t be able to reject her any longer. He would lose to his wanting to accept her. His soul kept on screaming at him, asking how he should deal with that emotion.
The sky was falling. The earth was splitting. Light flooded in, and the scene around them had already completely changed.
All signs of the Witches had vanished, too. The world consisted of Subaru and Satella alone.
There was a vanishing. And then, there was a beginning.
—Still unable to speak, Subaru stared at the Satella right in front of him.
“”
Suddenly, the curtain of darkness lifted.
The subconscious veil that had hidden from Subaru what he had not wished to see became transparent, making visible what rested across it.
And then, when he saw the face peering at him from below, Subaru drew in his breath.
Looking at Subaru, Satella made her silver hair sway, narrowing her violet eyes. And as tears coursed from the corners of those eyes—
“And someday—you will come to kill me, yes?”
She vanished.
She was gone.
The world was being erased, and he could no longer see even the girl who was right before his eyes.
The only thing that was still certain was the warmth within his palm. And so, Subaru gripped it tight.
“—I will save you. You’ll see.”
That was all he said to the lovely girl whom he could no longer see.
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Diamond. Diamond. Diamond.
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