Re:Zero – Starting Life in Another World. Volume. 12.
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‘Chapter 5:- ENDING LIST.’
Sub-chapter 1.
Subaru’s consciousness was greeted by the same sensation of a cold, hard floor.
“”
Still lying faceup, Subaru opened his eyes and coughed out the dirt inside his mouth. When he grimaced at the stench of dirt and looked around the area, he saw he was in a dimly lit stone room—back within the tomb.
Subaru returned to the world in the exact same place right after the old one had ended, going back only in time.
His eyeball had returned to his left eye socket, restoring his vision. Though on the one hand, he was relieved by this, the fear that this left eye would see Hell and a sense of inescapable confinement made him feel an ache from a wound that surely no longer existed.
The main thing holding back his sense of despair and the creeping feeling that he would only reach another dead end was the presence of the girl lying by his side.
There, beautiful silver hair spread over the floor, moaning in anguish, was Emilia, the girl with whom he had surely met his demise—here she was tormented by the Trial, seeing a nightmare of the past from which she could not awaken.
“”
Quietly, with his fingers, Subaru gently touched not Emilia but his own parched lips.
In the back of his mind arose the sight of Emilia just before Return by Death—when, putting the dying Subaru on her lap, she did not notice his loss as she kissed him.
He could not imagine what Emilia’s mental state was like the moment she kissed Subaru’s bloody lips. Nor was Subaru, then on the verge of death, able to bring with him the sensations or feelings from the final moment of his passing.
It would have been the first kiss with Emilia in Subaru’s life, and it was death that had gotten in the way.
“”
But if Subaru had to answer whether he regretted feeling the touch of her lips, he would resoundingly say no.
Reminiscing about the kiss in that final moment was to reconfirm his sense of crisis at seeing Emilia becoming wholly dependent on Subaru as she fled from reality after her mental state had deteriorated so much…
Unable to rely on Puck, enduring the pressure from those around her, losing the support of Subaru’s consoling words must have pushed Emilia’s mind to its limits.
He’d taken pride in the best start to date, but if Emilia’s collapse was the result…
“If I’m not at her side…then that happens. I don’t want to…make her sad…”
Even if she’d temporarily recovered from the tomb, the nighttime conversation, the letter, it all backfired.
Swallowed up by a tremendous snowfall, a great many became victims to the Great Rabbit’s invasion. Roswaal had slain Ram and Garfiel in a fit of madness. And finally, having Emilia kiss him on the lips was Subaru’s final moment as he went to his death—
“I knew. I should have known.”
To Subaru, that world had offered the cruelest, the most senseless of fates.
Therefore, as if by design, Emilia, Beatrice, and even Elsa and Roswaal were arranged in the most formidable configuration possible.
“I’ll save…Emilia, the Sanctuary, the mansion. I’ll save them all. If I don’t, then…”
—Can you do it?
—It’s not a matter of whether I can. I have to. I will. Me.
Subaru bared his fangs and silenced the inner voice that he’d heard many times already. He would permit no excuses, no lifelines. He swore a vow, one that would absolutely never be rescinded.
All he had to do was list the problems, obstacles, issues, and walls in his way; clarify his victory conditions; put them in chronological order; then challenge them with trial runs over and over, as many as time and his mind would permit.
Even if Subaru’s mind was whittled down with every failure, he would be satisfied so long as a future worth holding on to still existed… No matter how many horrific things he had to see, like what he had already bore witness to.
And so—
“—Emilia, are you all right?”
He stretched out his hand, shook the shoulder of the adorable girl lying on her side, and gently brought her back to reality.
As Subaru watched her long eyelashes tremble and her purple eyes slowly open, he decided.
All over again, he made a vow inside of himself, making it hard and strong so that it would never be broken.
—I’ll protect Emilia and save everyone else. Even if it costs me my life.
Sub-chapter 2.
In his head, he organized the information he never got a chance to digest at the end of the last run, given the chaotic events and his impending death.
The most crucial of this was the man who knew of Subaru’s Return by Death—Roswaal L. Mathers. Subaru had to consider his position and how to best confront his schemes.
Roswaal did not know that dying was the condition for activating his ability, but he knew that Subaru looped. It was unclear whether he learned this since Subaru’s arrival in the Sanctuary or perhaps long before, but the way he found out had to be the magic tome in his possession—the book of knowledge.
This magic tome had the same origin as the blank one Beatrice possessed, one of only two volumes in the world.
Subaru had no idea whether the contents of the tome accurately foretold the future or not. But if he took Roswaal’s words at face value, Roswaal had to be acting in accordance with the magical tome’s notations.
His words and deeds in the Sanctuary and even his offering his body to the Great Rabbit at the end were the results of his strict observance of the magic tome—the ideology motivating his actions was similar to what drove the Witch Cultists from Petelgeuse on down.
However, there was a clear difference between the two. An unbridgeable gap existed between the positions from which they obeyed their magic tomes.
Petelgeuse interpreted incomplete prophecies on his own, following the tome’s notations while adjusting to changing events on the fly.
Roswaal strictly observed the notations in his tome, permitting no inconsistency with them, not even if events had to be redone as a consequence.
Both fully intended on obeying their tomes, but their motivations and methodologies seemed completely different.
And with Roswaal willing to use even Return by Death for the sake of his tome, Subaru was in an even worse position with him than Petelgeuse.
—Just what was Roswaal’s objective, making him resort to such extremes?
If Roswaal’s magic tome said to bring the current incidents in the Sanctuary and at the mansion to an end, he’d repeat those tragedies any number of times until things went to his liking.
If that was so, why not just kneel on the ground and have Roswaal tell Subaru what was in the magic tome? Why not just make a firm promise to obey the notations, exhausting his strength until Roswaal’s wish was granted?
But as a result of obeying the notations of the magic tome, Roswaal had made the snow fall on the Sanctuary. The snowy landscape had made people suspect Emilia, and her isolation was what caused her so much distress.
If that was Roswaal’s…if that was the magic tome’s desire, then Subaru absolutely could not obey.
Subaru’s and Roswaal’s goals were incompatible.
To Subaru, risking his life to carry everything in his arms, Roswaal had spoken.
—Strip away everything except that which is truly important to you, he’d said.
He had also said that in doing so, Subaru would become like him. Not that Subaru wanted to resemble the man even slightly, but it was clear that Roswaal was acting in accordance with those words, up to and including throwing away his own life.
Strictly obeying his book, he’d isolated Emilia, and Roswaal was firm in the belief that if he reached the conclusion the magic tome desired, he’d be able to protect the one thing that was truly important to him.
All of Roswaal’s actions were for the sake of that. If so, Subaru had but one reply.
“Let everything else go, my ass. No way in Hell.”
He wouldn’t let Emilia be hurt—nor Rem, nor Ram, nor Petra, nor Otto, nor Frederica, nor the people of Earlham Village, nor the residents of the Sanctuary, nor Ryuzu, nor even Garfiel.
If even one of them were to fall, Subaru’s small world would become a dreary one. To the greedy, self-centered Subaru, that was something he could not endure.
“Roswaal, I—won’t become like you.”
To make this declaration true, Subaru had to find an answer that defied the magic tome.
He could rely on no one. Subaru worried, lived, and struggled alone.
But if there was someone somewhere Subaru might rely upon—
“Can I depend on you again…?”
—There was only one Witch in that world to whom Subaru could confide his troubles.
Sub-chapter 3.
Subaru quickened his legs, his impatience difficult to endure.
After returning with Emilia, who finished her attempt to clear the Trial at the tomb, the usual review meeting at the Ryuzu residence had also been concluded. With the Sanctuary sunken deep into the dead of night, Subaru was earnestly running alone.
Put bluntly, Subaru didn’t remember much of the contents bounced around the review meeting. But he probably didn’t need to remember to have a full grasp of the contents.
This time, Emilia was distraught over the past. Therefore, with clumsy explanations and it being clear at a glance she was forcing herself, she tearfully vowed to challenge her nightmare again tomorrow and thereafter.
Subaru respected her sense of duty and the nobility of her resolve. —But she would fail. This he knew.
Accordingly, Subaru consoled the hurt Emilia, gently encouraged her, and saw her off to bed. After that, when Ram went to call him for his promised talk with Roswaal, Subaru brushed her off and rushed out of the house.
Breath ragged, brow sweaty, he headed straight toward the Witch’s moonlit tomb—there lay the key to dealing with the situation, and even if not, there rested an ally with whom he could resolve some of the issues that troubled him.
He was worried that he’d be stopped as he ran to the tomb, but fortunately neither Ryuzu, nor Garfiel, nor Roswaal had interrupted his decisive move.
—That night, for the second time, the third if counting during the day, he charged toward the tomb.
“”
Arriving at the entrance, Subaru got his breathing under control in the corridor filled with cool, serene air. With the Trial having already finished for that evening, it was no longer illuminated by the light that welcomed the qualified challengers. Even so, he squinted, searching for the entrance to the castle of dreams that ought to have been there.
His vision was too poor to locate the door to that place. But the Witch had certainly spoken those words…
“If you have the desire to know…”
Echidna had said that this was the condition to be invited to the Witch’s Tea Party once more.
Also that his voice had to be not only equal to but rise higher than at the time of his second invitation, when his entire body had been bitten away by demon beasts.
Did pain and fear even exist that could exceed what he had experienced then, enough to drive him mad?
—It did. The voice with which he cried out this time, for liberation from that dead end, rivaled that.
“”
The things he wanted to know, to ascertain, to mull over together were as innumerable as the stars.
As bottomless emotions smoldered quietly in his eyes, Subaru’s footsteps echoed as he advanced down the corridor. With the chill permeating his body, it was dozens of seconds later when he arrived at the stonework room enveloped in a pale light.
Nearly one short hour before, he had left this place, Emilia in tow—and it had also been nearly one short hour since Subaru had died in that place and that the world had restarted through Return by Death.
In that place of Subaru’s anguish, Subaru’s death and resurrection, he yearned for an audience with the Witch.
“Please call me, Echidna…!”
He’d thrown his life away over and over. If casting away his pride as well was sufficient, he’d offer even that.
For displaying his pathetic nature with all his strength was all the ignorant, powerless Subaru Natsuki was capable of.
“”
Kneeling in the center of the stonework room, Subaru offered up his prayer, his wish to be reunited with the Witch.
In the back of his mind, he drew a portrait of a white-haired Witch, lining up his own emotions to make them a chorus with which to call out to her, fervently seeking the optimal possibility to bring those intertwined futures close.
Desperately, he sought her out.
With all his spirit, he craved.
And as he continued doing nothing but wish, droplets of sweat dripped from his brow.
—A moment later.
“—Uu.”
Abruptly, Subaru saw a white light in the back of his closed eyelids. The hallucination—no, this was no hallucination.
Before he realized it, his kneeling body had come to lie on the ground. Unable to move his limbs, his lips were not even free to gasp at whatever might be happening. His consciousness was being peeled away from reality.
It was the situation he’d desired. He was invited to the castle of dreams—and so Subaru felt gratitude toward the unexpected omen.
As Subaru’s consciousness grew hazy, he was relieved that there was a finger pointing the way to a heretofore closed future—
“—Behold the unknowable present.”
The instant his consciousness vanished, he felt like he heard such a whisper.
Sub-chapter 4.
Subaru’s emotions rocked back and forth in a way that made him feel drunk.
He didn’t know what had happened. His consciousness had given out, and after that, his awakening was sudden.
It resembled the confusion linked to the sudden shift between times present and past when Return by Death activated. His brain was in chaos when suddenly dealing with the difference between the world from the moment prior and the world that instantly appeared at that moment.
When he realized it was a confusion that he was already familiar with, recovery was an easy feat.
Taking a long, deep breath, he first told his racing thoughts and beating heart to calm down. —But he did not feel the mouth, the throat, or the lungs necessary to take that deep breath.
“—?”
With a hand, he tried to confirm that the parts he couldn’t feel were actually there. He could not touch them. The reason was simple: He couldn’t feel his hand, either. —No, it wasn’t just his hand. His head, his body—that moment—they did not exist for Subaru.
—All he had was his consciousness; he existed as consciousness alone.
Subaru’s consciousness was alone in the sky, an existence that retained only his vision from his commanding view of the world.
The unnatural lack of his flesh and blood generated a new kind of confusion. However, by thinking of the nonexistent organs and remembering the concept of a deep breath, he instilled an imitation of calm into his heart.
Brushing aside his bewilderment and his sense of intoxication, he earnestly strove to grasp the present circumstance. —Beneath those thoughts, Subaru sought to ascertain where he was and what he was doing.
“—aru.”
Abruptly, there was a voice. It was a broken, small voice.
It was such a frail voice that it was difficult to hear just what it had said.
And yet, Subaru instinctively knew.
—This was a voice to which he must not listen, must not notice: a voice he must ignore.
However, that was not possible.
Without a body, Subaru was not permitted to turn his head aside or even to close his eyes.
He was permitted nothing, save to watch the scene from so very close, to burn it into his consciousness.
He was a fool. He should have welcomed the confusion. That intoxication was the mercy of God himself—
“Liar…liar, liarliarliarliarliarliar…!”
As the word repeated itself, he heard clearly what he initially could not; the voice became more apparently tearful.
It was a painful sight. He could hear the unendurable misery in the voice. Among the sufferings of that world, to lend his eyes to this, for his ears to hear this, that was what he had feared most.
Why was he here? Why did he notice that he was there?
He’d failed. He’d miscalculated. He’d made a mistake. His judgment had been faulty. He should not have noticed. It was not for him to know. It was not something he ought to have learned. After all—
—If only I hadn’t thought there’s no way that could happen.
“Liar, liar! Subaru…you liar! You liar—!!”
Tears poured out of her purple eyes like a faucet, Emilia crumpling as she yelled in a shrill voice.
She shouted as if accusing him of betrayal, as if a nightmare had appeared before her very eyes, her long hair swaying about like that of a child. Emilia cried and shouted as if she had gone mad.
On the bed, lying beside Rem, was Subaru, dead from running a short blade through his own throat.
Sub-chapter 5.
—What the hell am I seeing right now?
“”
Crying and crying, Emilia continued calling out Subaru’s name over and over.
Her laments were futile, for Subaru, blood-ridden and lying stomach down on the bed, did not even twitch.
Of course not. That Subaru was already nothing save a corpse.
The dead Subaru had become a ghost, looking down upon the Subaru that was no longer anything but an empty shell. It was immeasurably repulsive. Never had he known a more terrifying scene.
Even Subaru, whose deaths had already exceeded ten, never once had such a commanding view of his own death.
He was experiencing something as never before: Emilia grieving over him.
“”
He gazed upon the furniture of the room, the various people assembled in that place, and at the sight of him pathetically dead and the cause of that death.
Urgently tying those things together, comprehension struck Subaru like a lightning bolt as to exactly when this scene must have taken place.
It was after Petelgeuse Romanée-Conti, the Archbishop of the Deadly Sins, had been dispatched and Emilia saved from the Cult. This was the outcome of Subaru’s quick-tempered action when he first learned that Rem was lost to him.
After riding to the capital, only to learn that all memory of Rem, attacked by the Witch Cult, had been lost from the world, Subaru impulsively thrust a knife into his own throat, wanting with all his heart to bring Rem back.
—Subaru’s rash wish was not granted. He tasted despair when he went back in time to a few scant seconds prior.
The starting point for Return by Death had changed, which meant Subaru lost his means of saving Rem. Vowing not to give up on Rem even so, he swore in his heart to cheer Emilia on. But—
“I didn’t know… I’ve never seen this before. I didn’t know… There’s no way I could have known!”
It was a scene he had never beheld. After all, in that world, Subaru was already dead.
Even with the power of Return by Death granted to him, he could knew nothing of what took place in a world after he had died. —No, he thought; that wasn’t true.
To Subaru, who went back to do things over at the cost of his life, repainting the most awful of conclusions, a world where he had died represented nothing except a midway point on his journey toward the future that was his final destination.
After all, if he didn’t think that way, if he didn’t see it that way, Subaru would…
—Subaru Natsuki’s world would shatter.
“Stop it. Stopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitpleasestopit…!”
Unable to accept the scene playing out before his eyes, Subaru sent up an incoherent scream.
However, his voice did not project from his throatless form, and he could not turn his eyeless face away, nor block out sound from his earless head. The end of that world was being inscribed into Subaru, now nothing save a consciousness.
—This was punishment for the rash act Subaru had committed.
“Lady Emilia! This is—”
As he listened to Emilia’s voice cry and shout, someone rushed into the room with a sharp voice.
He had white hair and wore a black butler’s outfit. This was the Crusch manor in the royal capital. Wilhelm the “Sword Devil,” who very much belonged there, took in the tragic scene, his eyes widening in horror.
For his part, the consciousness-only Subaru was almost beside himself at the sight of the aged swordsman in shock. That was how much Wilhelm was thrown off balance by Subaru’s corpse lying before him.
“Subaru… Subaruuu…you liar… You said we’d be together…”
“What has happ— No, Lady Emilia, forgive me!”
Emilia blamed him for his betrayal like she was casting a curse. Her sobbing voice pulling Wilhelm back to his senses, he gently peeled Emilia away as she clung to Subaru’s body. Emilia proceeded to wobble and fall onto the floor. But Wilhelm was more concerned with resuscitating Subaru than with her.
“Ferris! Felix! Come quickly! It is urgent! Utmost urgency!!”
Quickly stripping his jacket off and pressing it to the wound, Wilhelm forcefully shouted with a grave look on his face. Slamming Subaru’s chest in an attempt to coax his still heart to beat again, droplets of blood smeared his terrible visage.
Too much blood had coursed out. A man who had seen as much death as the Sword Devil surely knew Subaru’s soul was no longer present. Even so, his efforts to resuscitate Subaru did not relent.
“Old Man Wil, why’re you raising your voice like… Eh?”
“Felix, hurry! A blade has pierced his throat! Not a second to lose!”
When Ferris appeared, Wilhelm instantly conveyed the facts in a sharp voice. Ferris enshrouded his palm with a blue luminance, and this great quantity of mana became healing power that he poured into the prone Subaru’s wound.
As he attempted treatment, desperate concentration gripped Ferris like never before. Subaru’s consciousness lamented as he looked down, watching them attempt to resuscitate an empty, soulless shell.
“Just stop already… It’s no use. It’s just no use. He’s already dead…”
The result was already obvious. Subaru had died there.
No matter how desperately they might try, no matter how much Emilia might cry, Subaru was dead.
Thinking nothing of what would happen after his death, forgetting everything else, he’d selfishly died.
“You will not perish! Absolutely not… As if I could let he who aided me die like this?!”
“How could you, at a time like this…? Stop messing around, just stop it…!!”
Wilhelm shouted as he compulsively applied pressure on the wound; Ferris’s voice trembled with anger as he employed the kindest magic in the world.
The scene and the waves of emotion from both of them continued to crash against Subaru’s heart.
But no matter how earnestly the pair might strive—
“Felix! Why?! Why have you stopped the treatment! At this rate, he’ll…”
“It’s over, Old Man Wil. —There’s nothing of the soul left here.”
As Wilhelm drew close, Ferris shook his head, gently wiping with a handkerchief the wound that the jacket had plugged. The scar had been sealed so neatly that, as he wiped it, there was no sign of there ever having been a wound at all.
But a great quantity of blood had flowed out, and the soul that had slipped out was nowhere to be found.
“Why…why?!! Why, Sir Subaru…how could you do this so easily…!”
Looking down upon Subaru’s dead face, Wilhelm formed a fist of regret, pounding it against the floor.
The floor split and fragmented, blood mixing with those shards Wilhelm’s fist had split along as well. With blood dripping from his hand, Wilhelm raised his face to the heavens in lamentation.
In contrast to Wilhelm’s raw, ferocious emotions, Ferris let out a little exhale and said, “…Weakling, coward. Everyone has precious people leave them, don’t they? …Pushing all your pain and hardship onto everyone else… Are you satisfied with that?”
As sarcasm, it was harsh. As an accusation, it was all too charitable.
Having abandoned all comprehension, Subaru’s consciousness could not decipher such a complex state of mind. But from Wilhelm’s and Ferris’s demeanor, one thing was perfectly clear.
—Subaru had carved deep, lasting wounds upon their hearts.
“”
Notwithstanding his absentminded daze, he was a being of consciousness alone—yet that fact thrust very deep indeed.
Subaru was seeing something. He was being shown something. What was this supposed to be?
—He was being shown his crime.
“—Even though you told me…”
It was low. It was thin. And as her voice reverberated hollowly in the silence the two had created, it struck into Subaru like a stake.
As Wilhelm and Ferris succumbed to resignation, Emilia continued clutching her knees behind them, still sobbing. Her cheeks displayed tracks of dried tears, but without paying this any heed, she carried on with a trembling voice.
“Even though you told me that you love me…!”
He did. Yes, he had certainly said that. He’d only just managed to say the words he’d wanted to for so long.
It was Emilia, who flashed a tearful smile when she heard those words, that Subaru had left behind.
—Suddenly, as if someone had turned out the lights, the world he was watching snapped out of existence.
Sub-chapter 6.
“—T-t…”
The pain of his face slamming against the ground woke Subaru.
Groaning from his chin hitting the cool floor, Subaru shook his head. Realizing that he had the sensation of his hand touching his bumped chin, he was certain of his own physical existence. —Nothing was out of place.
“T-tomb. Inside the…”
Murmuring with a trembling voice, his gaze wandered as he confirmed his own location. Suddenly, he was there in the room of the Trial he had surely been in until just before losing consciousness, having in no way leaped beyond it in either time or space.
Emilia wasn’t there, either. He hadn’t Returned by Death. He was there right after his wish had come.
“But that was…no daydream or anything close…”
Putting a hand to his mouth, Subaru felt every inner organ spasm at once at the scene burned into the core of his mind.
It was an unanticipated scene, an impossible world, a nonexistent stage that he had surely left behind—that was unmistakably the “Scene After Subaru’s Death.”
“U…bu—”
The instant his comprehension redoubled, his trembling intestines reached their limit, and the contents of Subaru’s stomach were expelled.
A supper of which he had only a distant memory of eating spewed onto the floor along with his stomach fluids. It was no great amount. Even so, wringing his stomach repeatedly made him feel a small easing of his nausea.
“Haah, haah… Th-this is…”
After vomiting repeatedly, Subaru moaned from the burning pain of stomach fluids in his throat as he sank into thought.
What the heck had happened? Had Subaru, seeking an invitation to the castle of dreams, fallen into some sort of aberrant situation? Given the place, if he had to put his finger on a possibility, the only one that came to mind was—
“Wait, don’t tell me that was the Trial just now…? Not the one of the past but the second one…?!”
This was the room of the Trial inside the tomb of the Witch—so having cleared the first gate, it was natural for there to be a second. It was only natural, but to Subaru, this natural thing was exceedingly unexpected.
Of course, that went for not just the Trial starting; the most frightening thing of all was the Trial’s contents.
—If what he’d seen earlier was the second Trial, to Subaru, it was the worst development possible.
When it came to Hell, Subaru had seen it repeatedly. He was well aware of the fact.
And to grasp an optimal future, he’d resigned himself to seeing that Hell as many times as it took.
—But how could he maintain his determination after learning of something that went beyond Hell, something more terrifying than Hell itself?
“—Behold the unknowable present.”
“Wha—?!”
Subaru could practically feel his blood freezing as his body trembled. Someone’s whisper had suddenly grazed his eardrums.
Raising a cry at that fact, his body stiffened and that instant—the loss of consciousness came once more.
He thrust out his arms, but they could not hold on to anything. Falling shoulder-first onto the floor, he could not force his eyelids open. His consciousness proceeded to rapidly fall into the abyss and vanish.
—So that the Trial and the world beyond Hell might chastise Subaru Natsuki.
Sub-chapter 7.
Shallowly, sharply, the blade that brought his life to an end was so elegant it was enchanting.
The minimal bleeding was proof of the precise skill with which the single fatal blow was landed. But specks of that minute blood spatter remained on his white mantle, which looked akin to proof of the knight’s crime.
As Subaru’s remains lay faceup, a purple-haired knight looked down upon them. To his side, Ferris had sunken down to the ground on his backside, and it was clear at a glance he was in an exceedingly haggard state.
“”
As Subaru gazed down upon that scene—what lay beyond Hell—he felt his consciousness fraying.
With nothing but his consciousness, Subaru had no means to stop the scene or even avert his eyes. The crime he had committed remained undiminished, and the resentments of the world he had left behind served as a rasp that filed down his very soul.
And this scene, too, kicked Subaru when he was— No, the blow that came was even greater than what had preceded it.
“…Su…baru?”
With a sound of footsteps on grass, someone was approaching the encirclement formed by the knights. With wobbly steps, this individual walked closer to the boy lying fallen at its center.
In a daze, Emilia stood beside the deceased Subaru. Beside her stood a knight—Julius.
“Lady Emilia, please wipe his…Subaru’s face.”
“”
“I believe he would have desired that it be you rather than I who does it. At the least, it should be by your hand.”
Offering a white handkerchief, Julius spoke to Emilia, who was lost in a daze.
However, Emilia did not give any reply. She simply stood there, her round eyes bewildered, filled with emotion.
Sluggishly, Emilia touched Subaru’s face with her trembling fingers. Heedless of her hand being sullied, Emilia wiped the dried sweat and a slight amount of blood that had come from his mouth with her very own palm.
And when by doing so, she was tidying up Subaru’s dead face bit by bit, Emilia haltingly murmured, “Why…? Why did Subaru come back, only to end up like this…?”
As if there had to be some mistake, Emilia murmured the question—asking someone eternally unable to answer.
A dead body had no ears with which to hear it or a mouth with which to reply.
And Subaru’s consciousness, being chastised for his crime, had no way of interfering with their world.
“”
He understood just which death was being reenacted in this new world beyond Hell.
This was the scene of the death brought about by the battle with Petelgeuse.
After defeating the White Whale, in the first battle in which he and the expeditionary force had challenged Petelgeuse—Subaru, having failed to see through his Possession ability, had his body stolen by the madman. And to defeat the worst-case scenario, where he would not even be permitted to Return by Death, Subaru had borrowed the strength of Julius and Ferris, opting for his own death.
Ferris’s magic had greatly disrupted the circulation inside his body, and Subaru’s demise had left a terrible expression on his face. It was thanks to Julius’s intervention that Subaru had averted a horrific appearance in death.
But if the question was whether this was any comfort to those left behind, that was a different story.
“Sir Subaru… I am so very sorry…!”
Wilhelm, his entire body covered with wounds, fell to his knees and lowered his head in shame.
Pushing his wounded body, Wilhelm wept grandly over Subaru’s death. As he lowered his face with an expression of regret, aged knights stood around him, wearing similar faces of silent pain.
Each was one of the comrades in battle with whom Subaru had challenged the White Whale. Having struck down the Witch Cult, they had promised each other a triumphant return to the royal capital, and the hearts of all were pained to be unable to fulfill that promise; some among them were driven to tears.
Subaru gaped at to just what extent they were afflicted by his death.
Or perhaps those tears struck Subaru so hard because he was seeing them from the world after death.
“Why did Subaru come to help me, only to end up like this…? Why did this happen?”
With Subaru saying nothing in return, Emilia kept a hand pressed to his cheek, continuing to call out to him in a voice that could not reach.
From that sad and painful sight, Subaru knew very well what was within her chest. In that world, Subaru had not given an answer to Emilia’s question. In death, it had been postponed for all eternity.
—Accordingly, going forward, Emilia would never know the reason for Subaru’s devotion.
“The Witch Cult has long brought suffering to this world. Its vanguard, the Archbishop of the Deadly Sins of Sloth, has been slain. To the world, this is an exceptional victory. —But.”
Speaking to Subaru’s remains, Julius used his fingers to rap the scabbard of the knight’s sword on his hip. He repeated the gesture over and over, the intervals between them gradually shortening.
“That does not mean all the sacrifices for its sake are pardonable. —I had hoped to exchange more words with you, Subaru Natsuki.”
With that painful murmur, Julius averted his face from Subaru’s dead visage.
Lifting his face toward the sky dyed by the setting sun, gloom rested in the knight’s eyes as he said, “—I wanted to call you friend.”
Julius’s whisper in a powerless voice trickled into the forest in vain.
Sub-chapter 8.
The world’s stage lights suddenly turned off, and his consciousness returned. He awoke with a start.
“—Bwha, whaa! Whu, ah, ahhh?!”
His body writhed. When he came to, he found his body atop a cool, hard floor.
In that room, filled with air chilly enough to make his nostrils hurt, Subaru lost himself as he rolled around. There was no meaning behind the action. Through actions made in a frenzy, he wanted to reject having to think about anything.
He could not allow himself to think about what he had just seen. He could not allow himself to comprehend.
He rolled and rolled, making his inner ear hurt as he scraped his head against the floor, as if trying to escape the storm spawned from his own internal organs. He tried to reduce the possibility of conscious thought by even the tiniest degree.
“Gah…!!”
But as he evaded reality in that manner, he bumped into the wall, and his bounce off it brought that process to an end.
The hard collision by his back made his bones creak, and his forehead was oozing blood from all the scraping against the ground. Yet, as he lay facedown, it was most certainly not the pain that had caused Subaru’s tears to flow.
—Subaru’s sobs were for the shame he felt toward his spineless self.
Just how often, how many times over, would Subaru Natsuki’s weakness continue to torment him?
Just how could he obtain a heart of steel that would never, ever waver, no matter the predicament, no matter the ordeal?
It was because Subaru was so weak, so frail, that so many times before he’d…
“The stuff I pretended not to see, the stuff I turned my back on… That’s what this is…?”
It wasn’t…that he had never thought about it.
The possibility had floated up in a corner of Subaru’s mind a number of times.
The fact that he’d made no attempt to seriously come to grips with it was nothing save himself subconsciously rejecting any verification of the possibility, any inquiry into it, all out of fear.
The idea that when Subaru Returned by Death, the worlds continued after his demise—if he openly considered the possibility, if he even suspected it, the foundation of how Subaru fought would crumble under his feet.
That Subaru, wishing to save others, had been left behind by everyone.
—No, it was Subaru who had left them behind. Shamefully, selfishly embracing his own death, Subaru left the world behind, as only he escaped into a brand-new world.
His irresponsibility had borne terrible fruit. That was the truth behind those scenes, what had created Hell beyond Hell itself.
“—Behold the unknowable present.”
You can’t escape, the whispering voice close to Subaru’s ears seemed to declare.
The forced estrangement of his consciousness that differed from sleep made Subaru fall into a world of white.
When the whisper ended for the third time, he wondered why the voice sounded familiar—then he realized the answer.
—Without the slightest doubt, the voice he heard…was his own.
Sub-chapter 9.
There was a girl. She was kneeling in front of a corpse with its skull smashed apart.
Unable to withstand a fall from a great height, the corpse had bloomed upon the ground as a flower of blood. From the fragments that had cruelly flown apart, it was barely discernible that this had once been a black-haired boy.
“”
Subaru was no longer surprised to awaken as a consciousness alone.
Once again, his consciousness had been forcibly switched; once again, Subaru was being shown what came after his death.
The only thing Subaru’s consciousness couldn’t expect was just which reenactment of death he had been called to—
“Right up until the very, very end, you kept saying the most nonsensical things…”
In front of the Subaru who had tumbled to his death, a pink-haired girl spat out the words—it was Ram.
Her physical appearance was askew, and her uniform was torn in several places. The expression of Ram, a girl who normally strove to maintain her cool at all times, bore the color of complex, unpalatable emotions, as well as burning anger.
Her expression was not so much regret at Subaru’s death…as nigh-unendurable anger toward it.
“Is this, too, all according to your expectations, Lady Beatrice? Is this why you obstructed Ram’s path…?!”
In a way unlike her usual self, Ram lobbed accusations one after the other before interrupting her words midway.
Ram’s pink eyes beheld Subaru’s corpse and Beatrice standing at his side. Caring nothing for the grime that marred the hem of her skirt, she stared at the smashed Subaru and spoke one word.
“—Why?”
Haltingly, a melancholic voice spilled out.
The presence of Ram, right beside her, didn’t even register; Beatrice’s gaze was trained upon dead Subaru alone.
He could see transparent droplets falling from the corners of her blue eyes onto her cheeks.
—Beatrice…was crying.
That fact filled Subaru with a sense of guilt, an agony that felt like he’d swallowed molten lead.
The pain gouged a hole in his heart, filling the back of his nonexistent eyes with an unbearable heat. That very moment, he wanted to rush to the girl’s side, to speak some kind words to her. He wanted to make the tears stop.
But Subaru lacked the legs, the arms, and the mouth with which to do so—
“I knew that…at the least, you weren’t That Person…but…”
With all expression vanished, Beatrice seemed delirious, teardrops continuing to fall as she murmured.
Apparently the sight was so painful that it convinced Ram to abandon pressing Beatrice any further. She simply let out a quiet sigh, turning scornful eyes toward Subaru and murmured softly as she took in his spectacular demise.
“What ‘love.’ —Truly, this is a helpless tale.”
Sub-chapter 10.
“—Behold the unknowable present.”
Sub-chapter 11.
The atmosphere was dyed white. The world was ruled by such cold it seemed as if the very nighttime sky might freeze.
As the wind blew, frozen trees cracked and broke apart, returning to dust as the mana required for maintaining the forest’s existence was sucked from it.
The trees, the buildings, the living creatures, the world itself were slowly vanishing into that white end.
“”
The next scene Subaru laid eyes upon was the end of the world itself.
Enveloped by cold, compassionate destruction, the world progressively sank toward its end as if falling asleep.
But—
“—So…you have come.”
That low voice made the very air rumble as his acknowledgment echoed with a roar.
The next moment, the ground shook like an earthquake had struck as a gargantuan impact raced through the ground and altered the landscape in the blink of an eye. Raging winds mowed down the trees, their fallen trunks collapsing as if they were pillars of snow, and an entire section of forest was transformed into a snowy plain.
The frozen forest was leveled until there was only flat soil, and the cause of this destruction was a four-legged beast, with long gray fur suggesting the creature was some kind of feline, with a body size so great, he actually had to look up at it.
However, the fangs set in the giant beast’s maw had been snapped and broken, and its repeated, heavy breaths carried a heavy air of fatigue. However, it glared straight in front of it with the eyes of brilliant gold, the only part that still retained tremendous vigor.
“How unfortunate… Even knowing it would come to this, I cannot alter the result?”
“—I have a general grasp of what must have happened… The pity is all the greater.”
As the great beast’s voice seemed to lament aloud, a serene, beautiful voice replied, unhesitant even amid the blowing snow.
It was but one corner of an ending world, yet the voice was in no way lacking in vitality. The speaker’s tall frame stood with a straight posture, a youth whose burning-red hair swayed in the white wind.
The youth stared at the beast with eyes that evoked a clear blue sky, faint sadness dwelling in that gaze.
“Neither Lady Emilia nor Subaru are anywhere to be seen.”
“Ria sleeps for eternity. A world without that girl is a world I do not want to exist. Thus, in accordance with the pact, I will make this a world of frozen soil. I and that man share this crime—”
“So that is your reason for trying to destroy this world?”
“I knew you would try to prevent it. But if I do not do this, that girl cannot be saved.”
When the beast made that ferociously growling reply, the youth shook his head a little, grasping the hilt of the sword on his hip. Its white scabbard bore claw marks engraved into it, proof this was the legendary sword left behind by the Dragon long ago—the Dragon Sword.
In that world, there was but a single person who could draw, who could wield the dazzling, gleaming Dragon Sword.
The Sword Saint, Reinhard von Astrea, raised the Dragon Sword, boldly training it toward the enormous beast.
“I understand your regrets. I feel the same way. However, I cannot allow you to blindly lash out because of those feelings. Your vow wounds the world itself. —That is something I absolutely cannot forgive.”
“Because it is not just?”
“Yes, because it is not just. —Justice is my standard. My sword…exists to right wrongs. For that reason, I shall cut you down here and now, O Great Spirit.”
There was an overwhelming difference of mass between the great beast and the youth—between Puck and Reinhard.
In spite of this, even Subaru knew from a single glance, which possessed the greater combat strength between them.
Even Puck with his true power unleashed could not cause the serenity of Reinhard’s face to falter. With a single slash from the Dragon Sword, the Sword Saint could sever even this spirit in half.
The sheer immensity of the swordsman’s spirit gushing into the surrounding area made that loud and clear.
“If you do not move, I solemnly promise you will not suffer.”
“That I cannot do. I will struggle for the sake of my vow until my life expires…for as long as I live.”
The Dragon Sword audibly vibrated, letting up a terrifying aura that seemed to make the frozen air crack and cry out for mercy. Before that overwhelming power, the fallen, enormous beast stood up on its front legs, forcing its body up onto its paws, baring its fangs.
Together, they both adopted a stance to land a single blow, one final duel, the result of which was already clear—
“I must prevent you from inflicting any further damage. If you must hate someone, hate me.”
“I do not resent you, Reinhard. You…you are a hero. A hero has only the role of a hero to play. I neither blame nor resent you for resigning yourself to that fact.”
“”
“You are a hero, Reinhard. —And a hero is all you can be.”
It was only in those words, at the very, very end, that there was pure malice disconnected from anger or regrets.
The next instant, Reinhard raised the Dragon Blade above his head, and there was a single flash of light—the sky split, cracks running through the very air; the ground crumbled; mana swirled in a vortex; and along the arc of his slash, the world…slid.
“—”
The moment after that cascading slash settled down, the white, cold air covering the world…recovered.
The slide in the world was repaired, the parts that had become a swirling vortex of mana reverted to their proper forms, flowers budded forth from the shattered ground, and peace spread through the cracked air. From the sky, dazzling sunrays poured down.
The slash of the Sword Saint had both ended the world and simultaneously brought about its re-creation—
And the enormous beast that had been bathed in that slash had been annihilated from the world without a trace. There were not even side effects of destruction to be seen; that a battle had even taken place seemed like nothing but a dream.
—With a rasping sound, Reinhard sheathed the Dragon Sword within its white scabbard once more.
As the passing breeze rustled through his red hair, Reinhard narrowed his eyes at the sunlight and lifted his face to the sky. His lips faintly stiffened, and as he exhaled, he whispered too faintly for any to hear—
“—Lady Felt shall surely…be sad.”
The Sword Saint closed his eyes with a final whisper.
Sub-chapter 12.
“—Behold the unknowable present.”
Sub-chapter 13.
“—Behold the unknowable present.”
Sub-chapter 14.
“—Behold the unknowable present.”
Sub-chapter 15.
“—Behold the unknowable present.”
Sub-chapter 16.
“—Behold the unknowable present.”
Sub-chapter 17.
“—Behold the unknowable present.”
Sub-chapter 18.
“—Behold the unknowable present.”
Sub-chapter 19.
“—Behold the unknowable present.”
Sub-chapter 20.
—He beheld the unknowable presents.
Shown one finished world after the next, Subaru could do nothing but lie flat upon the floor.
He did not know at that moment where he was.
Was he in reality? Was he within the dream? Was he consciousness alone? Did he have a body? Having repeated those nightmares… Was it right to even call them nightmares? Or was this his crime, the reality he had to accept?
Were they mere hallucinations of possibilities? Or had he truly seen a Hell beyond Hell itself?
Or maybe convenient worlds had been created from Subaru’s memories once again? Then how had information from after Subaru’s death, which Subaru clearly did not know, trickled into them?
Were they really false worlds borne from delusions? Or was his reality being consumed by a different reality?
No matter what the answer might be, Subaru had taken a tremendous blow to his psyche—enough that he was unable to face it head-on, to stand, to even lift his head.
That was why—
“—Goodness, can you even stand anymore? Subaru.”
He heard someone standing beside him, someone gently trying to rescue his battered mind.
It felt like a lovely voice, one that belonged to someone precious to him.
“—Ah.”
Subaru’s cheek felt a hot teardrop, one that should never have flowed, trickling down his cheek.
—How long had it been since he had heard that voice ring in his ears?
In terms of actual days, the time that she had been asleep was not truly so great. At most, it had been a week’s time since acquaintances and family had laid eyes upon her face.
—And yet, it did not seem that way to Subaru. It felt like they had parted eons ago.
To Subaru, who had gone back at the cost of his life over and over, the actual passage of time held no meaning. What was important was the moments experienced by his soul.
And it had truly been a great deal of time since his soul had heard her voice.
“Subaru, are you all right?”
The voice whispered lovingly, consolingly, compassionately.
The familial love, the passion with which her call was infused, quickly quenched Subaru’s parched heart.
The vessel of his heart, empty and surely sinking into the void, became filled with warmth.
All it had taken was a single sentence—just how much strength did she grant him?
“—It’s a lie.”
“No, it is not a lie.”
“You can’t be here.”
“If you want me to be, I will always be at your side, Subaru.”
“As if, just when I most think, I want someone to do something, anything…as if you’d always be there for me… Things aren’t convenient like…!”
“Because I am always thinking, I want to be the most convenient woman of all for Subaru.”
With a sobbing voice and unsightly, weak sounds, he fell to pieces.
And yet, even with his hollowness laid bare, that voice would never look down on Subaru, never lose faith in him.
Because she knew.
She knew that Subaru was weak, helpless; so fragile and lacking in confidence that he had to cling to something just to get by; someone who continued to hesitate.
For she was the girl who knew Subaru was not strong yet had said to him anyway, “I love you.”
“—Rem.”
“Yes. I am Subaru’s Rem.”
He lifted his face. In his tear-blurred vision, the color blue filtered in. Violently rubbing his eyes with his dirty sleeve, wiping away his tears, Subaru saw perfectly clearly.
He saw, standing before his eyes—the sight of Rem that he had yearned for so desperately.
“Remmm…”
“Yes, I am Rem. Subaru’s personal, dutiful, all-purpose maid.”
“Why, you…”
With a little tilt of her head, Rem’s playful manner blindsided Subaru.
Faced with such behavior from her, before Subaru could say anything, he felt something heavy fall out from inside his chest. His breathing eased, and the pessimistic voice inside of him vanished.
Subaru was dumbfounded at how easily—so easily indeed—he had been saved.
His mind, battered and broken down, thinking that he was at a dead end, had been freed of its bonds with such ease from nothing more than one girl’s smile.
“Rem, you’re incredible…”
“Thank you very much. You are wonderful too, Subaru.”
With that smiling reply, the way she spoke out of sync was so familiar that it was if she was perfectly in tune, just like always.
That nostalgic exchange left Subaru near tears, seemingly unable to hold them back no matter how hard he tried.
Still lying flat on the floor, Subaru’s cheeks twitched as Rem knelt before him.
“Are you all right? Are you tired?”
“I wonder…am I tired…? Even though…I still haven’t…accomplished anything yet…”
He had accomplished nothing. He had done nothing. He had no right to say he was tired.
Everyone was suffering more. Everyone was going through more agony. Why did everyone have to suffer like that? —The answer was clear.
“It’s because I’m weak.”
“”
“Because I don’t have enough strength.”
“”
“If I was stronger, if I was wiser, if I was a man who could do more…no one would have to suffer, to be sad, to go through hard times like that…”
It would have been so much better if Subaru had been strong enough to do everything, all of it, alone.
Emilia’s sadness, Beatrice’s loneliness, the calamity befalling Petra and Frederica, the menace of the Great Rabbit, Garfiel, who was desperately protecting something… He should have been able to do…something.
Everything, all of it, every last bit of it was Subaru’s fault.
That was why, to balance out his weakness, Subaru had to pay by shaving away his life. —That was what he’d thought, and yet…
“Have I saved…anyone…?”
“Subaru.”
“If those worlds continued after my death, how many times I have I abandoned everyone to die?”
“Subaru.”
“How many times…did I make you die? How many times…do I have to kill you?”
With rapid words, with fear from the depths of his body making him tremble, Subaru confessed his crimes.
He wanted to vent it all, to lay everything bare that very moment. Before he whittled away his mind, he wanted someone at his side—someone qualified to do so—to pass judgment on his crime.
Deciding in his heart, no more mistakes he’d marched off on his path mistaken from the very first step. He wanted that great and foolish bastard, that fool beyond redemption, to get a walloping. “—Subaru.”
“—Ah.”
—And yet, Subaru, seeking punishment, was granted a gentle embrace of forgiveness.
“Re…m.”
“It’s all right. It’s all right, Subaru.”
“What is…? What’s all right…? No way, it’s…!”
Subaru had accomplished nothing. Not one single thing.
There were many people who could not be saved unless Subaru saved them. There were many with terrible ends awaiting them. Even Rem was someone Subaru had to save.
It was she who had the right to blame Subaru Natsuki—that insufficient, weak fool—for falling short.
“You’re…you should be…!”
“—I love you.”
Touching their foreheads together, she simply whispered her love.
“”
It sealed his words away. He could say…nothing.
From very close, those light blue eyes, those eyes filled with benevolent love, seemed to be trying to drown Subaru in kindness.
“I love you, Subaru. —That’s why everything is all right.”
“That’s not…an answer…”
“Yes, it is. Why is Rem here? Why does Rem forgive Subaru? Why does Rem embrace Subaru? —It is the answer to everything.”
With firm arms, the charmingly smiling Rem held Subaru tight, close enough to feel her breath.
He could not move. He could not even twitch. Rem’s arms were strong, so strong that he could do nothing.
“You’ve had a really hard time, huh, Subaru?”
“”
“For one person to be hurt this much…it must have been hard, Subaru.”
“”
“It’s all right. You don’t need to go through only sad things anymore.”
Desperately working to hold out, Subaru was unable to reply as the sweet sound of Rem’s voice continued, as if trying to gently unravel the chains around Subaru’s heart, to dissolve the hardened emotions within.
“Rem will take the place of all Subaru’s feelings.”
“”
“There is no reason anywhere for you to bear anything and everything on your shoulders, Subaru. —Leave all of them to Rem. Rest well now. It is all right to sleep. And then…”
“…I—I…”
“Show Rem the Subaru she loves so much one more time.”
Placing a hand on Subaru’s forehead, Rem peered right into his black eyes from up close.
There was a momentary hesitation, and then Rem’s face slowly drew closer.
Even Subaru’s sluggish consciousness could understand what she was trying to do. He wondered if it would be right to let her do it, to let her fasten him, laden him, for him to drown, to dissolve, to sink…
—Whether it was right or wrong, Rem would forgive it, wouldn’t she?
His emotions were frayed, his confused soul wanted someone to reach out to him, and in that moment, Rem, who understood everything about Subaru, was saving him once more.
To Subaru the powerless, Subaru the fragile, Subaru the foolish, Rem was lending her strength.
If by indulging in that, clinging to that, nestling against that, he arrived at the correct answer, then…
He’d been worn away, no longer knowing which path to walk, not even knowing which way to turn. So he’d yield; he’d give up on anything and everything—
“It is easy to give up.”
“However…”
“—It does not suit you, Subaru.”
He heard a voice.
“—Subaru?”
He heard Rem’s coming from the front, seemingly questioning him.
In addition, her face, presumably on the verge of closing the gap between their lips so that they might touch, was being obstructed by Subaru’s hand.
Gazing at the flicker in her wavering, light blue eyes between the gaps of his fingers, Subaru spoke.
“—Who are you?”
“…Eh?”
“I’m asking you, who are you?”
“S-Subaru, what are…? Who, that’s just…”
When Subaru asked that in a low voice, Rem shook her head defensively, seemingly out of fear.
The hurt look that had floated into her eyes thickened, and she clutched at Subaru’s chest with a pained expression.
As if to twist that pain deeper, Subaru put a hand to his own chest, baring his fangs.
With a fleeting encounter that should never have been, rescue that should never have been granted, the entirety of Subaru Natsuki’s soul was—
“If ever I…got in a jam I couldn’t get out of, if I seriously wanted someone to do something, anything for me, when I wanted to give up… From the bottom of my heart, I thought that you would be there for me.”
“”
“I figured, when I was in a dead end like this, when I kept on hugging my knees worrying about the past, I thought, you’d cuddle up and be nice to me.”
“”
“And then you’d listen to me talking weak, make me spit out my tearful words, wring out every tear and everything else out of me till I run dry…”
“”
“—And then you’d say stand up.”
Under that clear blue sky, those were the words she had spoken to Subaru Natsuki, who had been crushed by despair.
With his entire body and soul, Subaru remembered how slender her fingers were, how warm her skin was when she nestled close, and also the enormity of the love she had granted him.
That was why he could say, firmly, that the Rem before his eyes—was a fake.
“She’d never tell me rest well now.”
“”
“She’d never tell me to give up and leave all those things to Rem.”
“”
“Because by liking me, she made me like myself, because she’s gentle to me, because she loves me—in this world, there’s no one stricter, no one who’s less soft on me than Rem!!”
Seemingly bouncing to his feet, Subaru howled, putting distance between him and the Rem in front of him.
Still on her knees, Rem looked up at Subaru, speechless. But her expression was filled with sadness at Subaru’s rejection of her, seemingly ready to split apart at any moment.
“You are wrong. Please listen to me, Subaru! Rem—Rem is different. Rem just couldn’t watch Subaru in pain like that and wanted to help him… That is all!!”
“I’ll show you my weakness. I’ll show you my vulnerabilities. I’ll even show you how I’m a petty, irredeemable bastard. —But the one thing I won’t show you is me giving up.”
Rem had once said…Subaru was her hero.
And Subaru Natsuki had decided to be Rem’s hero.
Ever since the moment that promise was exchanged, Subaru Natsuki had decided.
—In that world, Subaru Natsuki would show his weakness to Rem alone.
Only before Rem, who knew Subaru was weak and yet believed he would overcome that and be strong, would Subaru display his weakness, concealing nothing.
He would not show that to anyone else, not even to Emilia, not even to Beatrice.
Subaru, who had to be strong, could not show his weakness to anyone save Rem.
“That’s because my weakness belongs to her. It’s because my Rem has my weakness covered up so tight that even if I might flirt with giving up, it never comes out.”
“”
“Get lost, fake. —Don’t get sweet on me with the face, with the voice of my Rem!!”
Declaring this, Subaru thrust a fist out toward Rem—toward the fake.
Subaru’s statement left the other party at a loss for words. She proceeded to lower her face, slowly, silently standing up then and there—
“Th-this isn’t…how it was…supposed to be?”
Tilting her little head, the girl’s blue hair swayed as she haltingly wove together the words.
The unfamiliar voice made Subaru’s breath catch when…
“Ah…?”
…before his eyes something occurred, like a television breaking into static in the dead of night. Off in the static, Rem’s form grew vague and melted away.
—Standing there was a girl he did not know.
Sub-chapter 21.
What greatly resembled Rem in appearance alone vanished, and the face of an unfamiliar girl appeared in its stead.
The girl had long light pink hair and somehow gave off a fragile impression. Her face was very refined, but rather than standout beauty, what she possessed was an uncommonly adorable appearance.
A muffler was wrapped around her neck, long enough that its end seemed to touch the ground, matching the white clothing with sleeves long enough to cover her up to the wrists; from this, he inferred that she was highly averse to exposing of her skin.
In fact, Subaru’s gaze made her lower her face, as if she was fearful of the eyes of men.
“Who…the heck are you?”
“I’m C-Carmilla…? Th-the Witch of Lust… P-pleased to meet…you.”
The reply the girl—Carmilla—gave to his question made Subaru unwittingly suck in his breath.
Not that the absurd phenomenon hadn’t made him think it, but—
“This nonsensical space…it’s Echidna’s dream?”
“Close but…incorrect…I think. Echidna is watching the Trial, so…the Trial is always like a dream, so……yeah.”
“”
Carmilla had politely confirmed his speculation, but the gaze with which Subaru regarded her was harsh.
Of course it was. She had done something beyond the pale. Shying from the stern gaze, Carmilla pleaded in worry.
“S-stop… Don’t hit me…”
“I won’t. I won’t, but…what were you tryin’ to pull back there?”
“Back…there?”
“Standing in front of me looking like Rem! Is that your power?!”
With Carmilla, this was the fifth encounter he’d had with the Witches bearing the titles of the deadly sins. Based on each Witch bearing some off-the-wall Authority, he could guess that the earlier transformation could be counted among them. However—
“Impersonating other people, that’s pretty simple stuff compared to the other Witches.”
“I—I did not t-transform…? Wh-when someone else sees me, th-that…… It—it is because you looked at me?”
“What?”
“I—I didn’t…want to do this, but Echidna……sh-she lied to me…”
As Carmilla murmured in a broken manner, Subaru realized just what was ticking him off about her.
The way she spoke, how her gaze wandered, the frailty with which she lowered her eyes as she looked back at him… All of it rubbed him the wrong way. What was she pulling with the clumsy words and the pouty demeanor?
“Did you…did you realize what you were doing to me…?”
“Echidna…said it was all right to pamper you, but…d-don’t…”
“—!! Listen to me!!”
“Th-this is why everyone…b-bullies me… That’s—that’s right. Echidna did it, too. Making me do this terrible…so terrible…”
“Didn’t you get it the first time when I said to listen—?!!”
Anger dyed his vision. He wanted to make the woman before him pay. The fury filling his chest was roasting him. His angry voice was raspy, his lungs hot. He was fed up.
Subaru wanted to shut up by force the squeamish, squirmy mouth continuing to spout those tearful words, to pound the anger he harbored into her, to make her understand what she had done—
“—Any more, and your life will be in peril.”
“”
That instant, that voice, seemingly whispering into his ear, brought him back to sanity.
“Gagh…?”
Instantly, he was assaulted by the anguish of lack of oxygen from a prolonged lack of air and the ferocious pain of his heart seemingly remembering how to beat and make his blood flow once more.
“Eha, ngh… Gogh, haagh…!”
“Rough treatment, but at least it has brought you back. —Carmilla’s Faceless Bride makes its victims forget how to breathe. By the end, their hearts forget how to beat as well.”
As the difficulty in breathing caused Subaru to writhe and cough, his thought process blinked white and red.
The serene voice making his eardrums tremble seemed to soothe his nerves, making his breathing and heartbeat gradually calm down.
Had the voice saved him? Even if it did, should he just politely accept that?
With that thought, Subaru, now on all fours, lifted his face. He glared straight ahead at the face of the individual sitting there, the very one who had engendered that situation.
“What the hell were you scheming—Echidna?”
Seeing that hate-imbued gaze, the white-haired Witch calmly stroked her own hair.
Sitting in a white chair at a white table on a field of grass, she laid her cheek against her palm with a charming, suggestive smile as she said, “Isn’t it obvious? Wicked deeds. —I am a Witch, you know.”
Echidna winked as she spoke.
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Diamond. Diamond. Diamond.
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